


Sweaters in July

by LyricalKris



Category: Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-09
Updated: 2017-03-23
Packaged: 2018-08-14 02:34:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 46,845
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7995481
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LyricalKris/pseuds/LyricalKris
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Edward’s life looked like a dream. He had a husband who doted on him, spoiled him, and took care of him. He had everything he could possibly want. Edward’s husband gave Jasper the creeps. Still, there was a big difference between thinking Alec didn’t deserve Edward and him being abusive, right? … Right?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**A/N: So, this was supposed to be my piece for the Fandom for Domestic Violence compilation. But the date of that piece got pushed out, and this got out of hand.**

**This fic deals with domestic violence, so if you need to ask me, I will answer. Tread carefully. My dear ones.**

The rainstorm came out of nowhere. One moment Edward was walking with the flow of foot traffic, his head down, his hoodie up, and his earbuds in; the next he was ducking for cover as rain poured down. It wasn’t a trickle. It was a deluge, and while Edward wasn’t scared of getting wet, he was wearing a cashmere overcoat. He grimaced, cursing his own stupidity. Normally, he was careful with his better clothing. Especially when he was headed for the square, he dressed down. He was dressed down except for the coat—jeans, t-shirt, and a beanie in his pocket. But just before he left the house, he discovered none of his sweaters were in the coat closet. Another bad habit of his, not putting his sweaters where they belonged. He’d grabbed the overcoat because he was in a hurry.

“Shit,” he murmured to himself, looking down at the coat. Freshly soaked, it was hard to tell what the damage would be.

It was then he became aware of how crowded the space under the awning was getting. Discomfort crept down his spine. He turned slightly, facing the storefront to avoid an elbow and the glance of a woman who looked like she wanted to start a conversation. He was in front of a restaurant; one of those semi-swanky joints on the low side of expensive. The inside looked warm and inviting.

Edward considered. He hadn’t had anything for breakfast, and he’d been so careful about spending this month. Surely he could justify a warm meal on a suddenly chilly day. Either way, he couldn’t risk his jacket getting wet again. 

He ducked into the restaurant and quickly shouldered out of the coat.

“How many, sir?”

Edward glanced up from the jacket to offer the hostess a warm smile. “Just one today.”

He was seated, but before he could really take a good look at the menu, he got distracted by his coat again. Damn, it was really noticeable. But there was no way it was permanent, right? It was water. It would dry.

Right?

“Hi, there.”

Edward looked up, and his breath caught in his throat. The face that looked down on him was… well... His eyes were blue, and the glint in them matched his smile. His blond hair fell, wavy and wild, almost to his shoulders. His shoulders were wide, and—

The waiter’s lips tugged up at the corner of his mouth—a devilish grin. Edward’s cheeks warmed, and he looked down at his lap, ashamed of himself. 

“Can I get you something to drink?” the waiter asked.

“Something warm.”

“Coffee or tea? Oh, or hot chocolate. I make a damn good hot chocolate. Just enough whipped cream.”

Edward’s cheek twitched. Tea always reminded him of his father. “Coffee, please.”

When the waiter was gone, Edward let out a long, slow breath. What was wrong with him today? First, he didn’t take care of his fine clothes. Now, he was eye-fucking waiters. Alec would have been furious, and he’d have been right to be angry. He grimaced, looking at the coat again with disatisfaction. 

“Your coffee.” 

Steam twisted up from the cup, bringing with it the scent of fresh coffee and the comfort of heat against his cold skin. Edward sighed before he could help it.

Beside him, the waiter chuckled. “Yeah. Our coffee is good. Not as good as my hot chocolate, but still pretty good.”

Edward made the mistake of looking up. The waiter winked at him as he said that last. “I’m married,” Edward blurted. His face flushed, and he looked down. Jesus, he was off his game today. What the hell was wrong with him?

The waiter chuckled again. “Well, that’s a weird name, if you don’t mind me saying so. I’m Jasper.”

Despite himself, Edward smiled. He shook his head the slightest bit and looked up again. “Sorry. My name is Edward. I guess I just thought I’d mention it.”

Jasper shrugged. “Well, that’s a bit much for small talk, man, but it’s interesting information. We waiting on your wife, or are you ready to order?”

“My husband. And no, he’s not here.” He looked at the menu, furrowing his brows. “Uhh. What’s good here?”

“Well.” Jasper leaned up against the seat so his body was distractingly close. He pointed to the front page of the menu. “You can never really go wrong with a grilled cheese. We do a great grilled cheese here. Three kinds of cheese, first of all, and then you choose your add on. Bacon crumbles and tomato is the way I’d go. Extra points if you order the combo, so you get a cup of our tomato bisque. Mm.” He made a kissing noise with his fingers to his lips and then spread his fingers wide. “C’est magnifique.”

Edward grinned wider. “I’ve never seen anyone do that outside of the movies.”

Jasper glanced over his shoulder and then leaned in to whisper conspiratorially. “Boss likes to play like this place has class, right, and I’m not saying it doesn’t, mind you. So I throw a little French out there, because what’s classier than French, am I right? Anyway. Don’t tell him I’m a sham.” He straightened up and cleared his throat, reaching down to turn the page of the menu. “Our chicken cordon bleu sandwich is fantastic, and you can’t go wrong with a burger. Well, unless it’s the blue cheese burger, but that’s only because blue cheese is nasty.”

“How about the peppercorn burger with bacon. And a cup of the tomato bisque?”

“You’re making good life decisions today, my friend,” Jasper said, tapping his pen on the writing pad with a final flourish. “I’ll be back out with your soup in a minute.”

Edward watched him leave.

**~0~**

By the time Edward was done with lunch, the rain had stopped. He headed toward home in a good mood. The food had been delicious, and he appreciated good service. It hadn’t been a bad way to spend a day that might otherwise have been wasted.

He hummed to himself as he walked back to his neighborhood and shrugged out of his coat. The sun was peeking through the clouds, and the day was turning warm. Or maybe he was warm from the walk on a full stomach. 

He picked up the mail and let himself into the house, still humming. He draped his coat over the half-wall that separated the entryway from the living room and began sorting through the letters.

“You’re chipper this afternoon.”

Edward almost dropped the mail. “Alec,” he said, turning around to face his husband. He tried for a smile. “You’re home early.”

Alec got up from his chair and took measured steps toward him. “You don’t look pleased to see me, babe.”

“Of course I am,” Edward said quickly. “You just surprised me. That’s all.”

It was just that Alec had been in a bad mood lately. His work had been particularly stressful, and Edward—try as he might to make things easier for his husband—kept messing up. Little things, but they’d done nothing to improve Alec’s mood. When Alec was in a funk, and he came home early, he did it because he wanted attention, and Edward hadn’t been there.

Edward went to his husband and wrapped his arms around his waist. He kissed his cheek. “I’m glad you’re here. I wish you’d have called or texted. Then I would have known to be home.”

Alec eyed him, his hand on Edward’s hip. “Where were you?”

“I went to the concert in the park—”

“In the pouring rain?”

Edward’s heart began to pound. “I was going to say I didn’t make it there before it started pouring. I decided to get something to eat. I found this great cafe. Maybe we can go sometime.”

Alec studied him, but after a moment, he grunted. He tilted his head and kissed Edward once. “So you’ve already eaten.”

“Yeah. I’m sorry, sweetheart.” He ran his hand soothingly along Alec’s back. “Why don’t I make you something? We still have the French rolls and some of the leftover steak. I’ll make you a sandwich.”

Alec’s lips turned up the slightest bit. “That sounds good,” he said.

Relieved, Edward headed to the kitchen. He started pulling ingredients out, humming to himself again. 

“Edward,” Alec called. “Come here a second.”

Edward put down the knife and left the kitchen. “What’s—” 

The question died on his lips. He stopped short, frozen like a deer in headlights when he saw that Alec had his cashmere coat in his hands, and a hard look in his dark eyes. “You left the house intending to go to the park today? In your best coat?”

“I...I…”

“You. You, what?” Alec asked, stepping toward him.

Edward’s throat had gone dry. He stepped backward, startled when he met the wall. “I didn’t mean to take it out. I couldn’t find my regular jacket, and I was already running late. I just grabbed it without thinking.”

“No, you never think, do you?” Alec shook the coat in his face. “If you weren’t so careless in the first place, you’d know where your damn jacket was, wouldn’t you?”

“I… It’s not ruined. I looked it up. It’s just a little water damage. Just water. It can be fixed.”

“That’s not the point,” Alec yelled loud enough that Edward flinched. He shook the coat in Edward’s face again. “I buy these things for you, Edward. Because I like to see my husband wearing nice things. So when we go out, everyone can look at you and know I treat you well. Don’t I treat you well?”

“Alec—”

Alec stepped closer, intimidatingly close now. “Don’t I?” he demanded.

“Yes,” Edward said, the sound just a whisper. 

Alec threw the coat to the ground and grabbed Edward by the arm hard enough that he gasped. He shook him. “I work my ass off. I like giving you nice things. Expensive things. Is this what you think about them? That you can be so careless?”

“I’m sorry.” Edward tried to twist out of his grasp, but Alec’s grip only tightened. “It was an accident.”

“Do you know how much this coat costs?” Alec shoved him back against the wall hard. “Do you know how much it cost, Edward?”

“I don’t know.” Edward turned away, but Alec turned him right back.

“Over a thousand dollars. It’s the kind of coat you take to a fancy restaurant, not a fucking park. You goddamned idiot. Or is it that you just don’t give a shit, huh? You don’t care about how hard I have to work for you. It’s meaningless to you.”

He threw Edward away from him. Edward hit the side of the bookshelf before he crumpled on the floor. He rolled onto his back as quickly as he could, and skittered backward, but Alec was already there, towering over him, his hand clenched in a fist.

**A/N: So many thanks to Packy, Mina, Julie, Betsy, Jessy, and Eleanor for all their help.**

**Are you ready to come on this ride?  
**


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hey, kiddos. Merry Monday. It’s going to be a bumpy ride, as I’m sure you’ve figured out.

Constantly on the edge of disastrously broke, Jasper jumped at the chance to pick up a few evening shifts when summer hit and his evenings weren't consumed by school. It was the third shift that week when he was greeted by a familiar sight.

“Oh, hey, Edward. Fancy meeting you here,” he said with a smile.

It had been maybe three months since Edward had first walked into his cafe. He'd been back every other week or so. The kid—he couldn't have been more than twenty or so—was an awkward sort, but interesting to talk to once he got over his initial shyness. He had a gorgeous smile to go with his pretty face, a wicked sense of humor, and…

Someone clearing their throat drew Jasper's attention away from his customer-turned-friend to the man beside him. Handsome. Dark hair and eyes that glinted as he put a possessive arm around Edward’s shoulders. The husband, obviously. He looked to be in his thirties. Jasper had often thought Edward was way too young to be married, but that wasn't his business.

Edward shifted in his seat, and it seemed to Jasper his smile wasn't as easy as other times. “Hey. I didn't know you worked nights.”

“Don't usually.” He flashed the possessive man a smile. “So you must be the husband.” Better to put a stop to the drama now. He knew a jealous man when he saw one.

Sure enough, the glower the man had fixed him with faded to a charming grin. “I'm Alec. Edward has been going on and on about this place for months now, so I guess I shouldn't have been surprised when this is what he chose for our anniversary dinner.”

“Oh, a special occasion. Happy anniversary.” Jasper paused a beat before curiosity got the best of him. “How many years?”

“Five years,” Alec said, kissing Edward's hair.

Edward looked sheepish. “Three of them married.”

“The Supreme Court finally got their heads out of their asses.” Alec shook his head.

“They do something right every once in awhile,” Jasper said. “So are we starting out the night with a celebratory drink?”

“I want a Moscow mule,” Edward said.

Alec wrinkled his nose. “Ugh. No, you can't have that. I can't stand the taste of ginger.” He looked to Jasper. “He’ll have wine and so will I.”

That was obnoxious, but it wasn't his place to say so. Jasper just nodded. “Can I see some ID?”

“Is that really necessary?” Alec asked. 

Edward was already pulling out his wallet. “It's just the law, babe. No big deal.”

“We have to dot our I’s and cross our T’s, or else it's no fun for anyone,” Jasper said, keeping his tone jovial.

Alex grunted but handed over his driver's license.

“Thanks. I'll be back with your drinks.” Jasper turned and let his face fall with the discomfort he felt. 

Alec was thirty-four and Edward was about three weeks shy of his twenty-second birthday. If they'd been together for five years…

Well, it wasn't like Jasper could do anything about it now. There was nothing to do but get back out there with their drinks.

“Have you had enough time to consider what you want for dinner?” Jasper asked when the wine had been poured. 

“I was just telling Alec the burgers here are amazing.”

Edward’s husband scoffed. “It’s bad enough that you wanted to come here for our anniversary dinner. We’re not going to get a burger.” He said the word as though it tasted foul in his mouth. “Christ. At least let me pretend this place isn’t a step above a McDonald’s.” He looked up at Jasper. “I’ll have the ricotta gnocchi with asparagus pesto, and Edward will have the panzanella with marinated chickpeas.”

Jasper looked between them, looked at the tight expression on Edward’s face. He cleared his throat. “Edward always gets the peppercorn burger. You sure that’s not what you want today, man?”

Edward’s eyes darted from Jasper to Alec. “No, panzanella is fine.” His smile didn't look as genuine as it had been before. “I should branch out, anyway.”

Alec nodded, apparently satisfied with that answer. “And can we get some calamari for a starter?”

“Of course,” Jasper said, gathering their menus. 

One thing Jasper knew for certain as he walked away. He didn't like Alec Scarpinato. At. All.

~0~

“It wasn't bad,” Alec allowed when they got home after dinner. “There’s just no sense of occasion to it.” He stepped closer, his eyes on Edward’s as he stroked his cheek. “Five years is a long time, love. I wanted to take you someplace special.” He pressed a small kiss against Edward’s lips. “You know. Some place where they give you absurdly tiny portions of something with a French name and this and that reduction with a chimichurri sauce.” He kissed him again. “Somewhere fancy, so you know how much I love you.”

Edward smiled, that pleasant, drunken feeling coming over him as Alec kissed him again and again. “I don’t need anything fancy. I like this place. It’s good food. And, believe it or not, I like decent portions, too.”

“Hmm.” Alec kissed him again, this one a longer, more serious kiss. “You like the food, hmm?”

“Mmhmm.”

“So it had nothing to do with the shaggy blond waiter at all?”

Edward froze. Alec’s tone was soft, gentle even, but he knew from experience that was often more dangerous than when he was rip-roaring mad. He swallowed hard, opening his eyes to find his husband’s face scant inches away, watching him. He laughed, the sound a bit choked. “Why the hell would he have anything to do with it?”

“You knew each other.”

“Well, yeah. I’ve been there a few times.”

“He must take hundreds of orders a day, and yet he remembers your order so specifically?”

Edward studied Alec’s face nervously. He just couldn’t tell if he was angry. “He’s a good waiter with a good memory; that’s all.”

Alec scoffed. “He obviously thought he knew you better than I do. Honestly, who would get a hamburger for a celebration dinner? Hamburgers and wine don’t go together. He’s uncultured, and that makes him a terrible waiter.”

“He’s just used to lunch, probably,” Edward said, defensive on behalf of his friend. Honestly, if left to his own devices, Edward would have ordered a burger. It was the whole reason he chose that restaurant. He’d had a burger craving.

Alec grunted, but he leaned in to kiss Edward again. This time, he deepened the kiss. He began to walk Edward backward, toward their bedroom. Knowing what Alec liked, Edward began to unbutton his shirt as they walked.

“He was good-looking,” Alec said, running his hands down Edward’s body, cupping his ass.

Edward blinked, confused. “What?”

“The waiter. He’s the kind of asshole who probably plays in a band on weekends. Plays the guitar.” Alec pulled back, his hand cupping Edward’s cheek. “Your type.”

“You’re my only type,” Edward said, running his fingers along Alec’s side. “Come on, babe. Why are we still talking about him?”

“You’re saying you don’t think he’s attractive?”

Edward chuffed. That was a trick question with no good answer. If he claimed not to find Jasper attractive, Alec would tell him he was lying—and he’d be right. But if he said he found him attractive, then Alec might get pissy all over again. Finally, Edward opted for a teasing grin. “I have eyes. But what does that matter, anyway?”

“It matters if you go there because you like him.”

“I like the food,” Edward said firmly. “I wanted to go there tonight because I wanted to share this place with you, because I wish you were there every time I have lunch there alone. It doesn’t have anything to do with the waiter. It doesn’t matter if he’s attractive. It’s you I’m in love with.”

Alec grunted again, the sound more feral. He took Edward by the hips and pulled him flush against him, kissing him hard. He reached between Edward’s legs, rubbing him, and pulled his pants down.

Edward gave a huff of surprise when he found himself on his back on the bed. Alec was over him in a heartbeat, taking his arms and pinning him by his wrists to the mattress. He leaned down so they were nose to nose, and there was a manic glint in his eyes when he began to speak. “I’d kill him, you know.”

“What?” Edward asked, breathless, confused, and unnerved by the look in his husband’s eyes.

“If you’re going there to be with him. If something is going on between you two—“

“Nothing’s going on.” Edward’s voice shook a little as he spoke. “Alec, I swear.”

Alec studied him a long, hard moment before he claimed his lips in a kiss again. “I know. I know you wouldn’t do that.” He used his nose to tilt Edward’s head back and sucked at his neck. “I’m just saying, Edward, if I ever caught you with someone else. I’d kill you both.”

His voice was so calm when he said the words. A chill went down Edward’s spine. He meant what he said. He knew Alec would do it. He gasped when his husband latched onto a space where his neck met his shoulder. He felt the bite of teeth on his skin, and he tried not to writhe as Alec sucked.

“You’re mine,” Alec said when he released him. He backed off Edward, but only enough to flip him onto his belly. “Say it.”

“I’m yours, baby,” Edward said, his heart beginning to pound with a dread he tried to push away.

He’d never really liked sex. He liked other things—touches, kisses, caresses. Sex, though, had never been his favorite part. He never complained. It wasn’t horrible, and it wasn’t Alec’s fault he was broken. People in relationships had sex, and that was that. It could be nice sometimes.

And sometimes, when Alec was feeling possessive, it wasn’t so nice.

But not terrible. Maybe Alec was a little rough, but it was fine. Normal. Alec was passionate, and that couldn’t be a bad thing. Edward tilted his head to the side as Alec positioned himself over him. He tried to relax.

“No one could ever love you like I do,” Alec said, his lips to Edward’s ear as he fucked him. “No one’s ever going to love you like this.”

Edward gripped the comforter and closed his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Deep breath, kiddos. How are you?


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Remember this piece was originally bound for the Fandom Against Domestic Violence compilation. I’m still going to write a piece for that. It’s a cause near and dear to my heart. I’ll drop a link in my group so you can donate if you wish. 
> 
> I’ve been very gratified to hear from a number of people who work with victims of domestic violence. Everything I’m writing here has a basis in truth, so I’m hoping you continue to find the portrayal accurate.

Jasper hadn’t realized how much he’d worried about Edward until he saw him again. It had been almost three weeks since his anniversary dinner. Now, it was lunchtime, and when he saw the familiar mop of bronze hair, a weight he didn’t know he’d been carrying lifted from his shoulders.

It was ridiculous, and he knew it. The age thing had creeped Jasper out more than a little bit, but what was the point in that? Edward was all grown up now; young, but adult. There was no reason to think he was in any kind of danger. They were married, for fuck’s sake. 

Shaking that off, Jasper went to greet Edward. “Well, hello there. If it isn’t my favorite customer.”

Edward looked up at him, an amused and indulgent smile playing at the corner of his mouth. “Why would I be your favorite customer?”

“I’m at your table now, so that makes you my favorite.”

“Until you go to the next table, you mean.”

“Waiters are fickle by nature, serving a different master from one minute to the next.” Jasper sighed and pretended to shake his head at the sorry state of affairs. “Coffee today?”

“It’s way too hot out for coffee.”

“How about you try our line of—” He glanced over his shoulder to make sure there weren’t any managers nearby and turned back. “—pretentious lemonades. The jalapeño lemonade is pretty tasty, actually.”

Edward arched his eyebrow. “Jalapeño? That sounds disgusting.”

“So you’ll try it.”

“Of course.”

Jasper smirked as he made a note on his order pad. “And how about to eat? You back on burgers or should I bring you our selection of overpriced summer specials? I’m warning you now that I can’t pronounce some of those words.”

Edward’s smile widened. “The burger’s fine. “

“And soup?”

“Not today. It’s too hot.”

“Right. You already said that. You know, the AC is cranked up to arctic temperatures in here.” Jasper tapped Edward’s arm with his pen. “If you took off your sweater, you’d probably be cold.” He made a face. “Why the hell are you wearing a sweater today when it’s so ungodly hot outside?”

Edward’s easy smile fell, and he ducked his head. “You said it yourself. It’s like the Arctic in here, so I brought a sweater.” He looked at the menu. “Fries today is fine.” His tone, as he snapped the menu shut and handed it to Jasper without looking at him, clearly indicated the waiter was dismissed.

Stung, Jasper turned and headed to put his order in. Okay, that was a random mood swing. He was second guessing his next move, wondering if it was too far or too creepy. Had he misread something?

In the four months Edward had been coming into the cafe, he’d thought they’d gotten to know each other fairly well. Decent enough to call each other friends, anyway. They’d talked about what Edward did with his days—he came into the cafe on days he’d been to the park for one of their little concerts—of Jasper’s other day job and his aspirations. About school, about the places Edward had traveled. They joked, and Jasper knew him well enough that they could touch—something that wouldn’t have flown at all for any old customer.

It wasn’t like they were best friends or anything, but surely more than waiter/customer, right?

Well, whatever. Jasper had always followed his gut. Maybe it hadn’t gotten him very far, but he lived life without regrets. After he put the order in, he headed out to his car at a trot. He came back inside, served the lemonade, and returned to Edward’s table. He set both the drink and the gift on the table before he walked away.

“Jasper.”

He paused and backtracked. “What can I get you, sir?”

Edward frowned. “Don't do that.” He picked up the small gift bag. “What's this?”

“It's around your birthday, isn't it?”

“How did you know that?” Edward didn't seem angry or grossed out. In fact, his eyes sparked with what looked like pleasure as he examined the small package.

“I had to look at your ID, remember? I have a good memory.”

Edward tilted his head, looking shocked now. “No, really? You got me something?”

“Sure.” Moment of truth. “We're friends, right?”

“Yeah.” Edward's smile was soft. “It's just that this is probably the only present I’m going to get.”

“What? Come on. Your friends aren’t going to take you out?”

Edward scoffed. “What friends?” He shrugged and then winced. 

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah. I'm fine. Anyway. What I was going to say is, I guess I’m a recluse.”

“Uh-huh.” Jasper wondered how many people just couldn’t put up with the baggage Edward came with. “What about your husband? He’s not going to do anything for you?”

Edward brightened somewhat. “Oh, of course. The other day was the anniversary of the day we got together, five years ago. Our actual wedding anniversary is coming up in four days.” His eyes twinkled. “Which is a week after my birthday.”

“Ah. Happy belated birthday in that case.”

“Thank you. So, Alec likes to go somewhere special to celebrate.”

“His choice?” Jasper asked. 

Edward furrowed his brow. “Well, he’s the one paying for it. Why would I get to choose?”

“No reason. So, anniversary near your birthday, huh?”

“Yeah.” Edward rubbed the back of his neck. “We got married—”

“As soon as it was legal?” Jasper cleared his throat. “Sorry.”

Edward shrugged. “It is what it is, you know? People don’t understand us. I know that.”

“None of my business,” Jasper said with a smile. “I bet your burger is up. I’ll go get it.”

Jasper did a quick run of his other two tables, refilling drinks and taking a dessert order. When he came back, Edward was staring at the contents of the gift bag with a dumbfounded look. He was turning the paper over and over again. Jasper set the burger down in front of him, and he looked up with shining eyes.

“Are you...crying?” Jasper asked, perplexed.

“No.” Edward turned away, wiping once at his eyes. Then he laughed. “Okay. Sorry. It’s just that this is a lot.”

“It’s not a big deal.”

Edward usually brought in blank sheet music—lines printed out from the Internet—and spent much of his lunch hour writing music and, to Jasper’s delight, lyrics. He’d confessed he had a dream that he could be a composer for videos, commercials, maybe even movies some day. So, Jasper had bought him a gift card to a company who would turn his handwritten notes into real sheet music. The other paper was an e-mail from a professor at the university he attended. If Edward were to bring him some music, and he approved, he promised the school orchestra would record it for him. 

“I know the professor. The orchestra does things like that for music students all the time. It’s really not a big deal. Just a token.”

Edward stood and, to Jasper’s surprise, he gave him a one-armed hug. “Well, it means a lot to me.”

Startled, Jasper put his arms around the other man and gave him a tight squeeze. Edward tensed under his arms and whimpered, pulling away.

“What happened?” Jasper asked. He looked at the way the other man had gripped his left arm just below the shoulder. Now that he thought about it, his left arm had hung limply on his lap the entire time Edward had been there. “Are you hurt?”

“No,” Edward said, looking anywhere but him. Then he rolled his eyes and smiled as he sat down again. “Okay. It’s embarrassing. I got my feet tangled up in a rug at home and had an altercation with the wall.” He looked up at Jasper with a big, sheepish grin. “It’s not a big deal. Just a brush right here.” He indicated his upper arm and shoulder with his right hand.

“Uh huh.” Something in Jasper’s gut curled uncomfortably. It made sense, didn’t it? Of course Edward would be embarrassed at injuring himself like that. He wouldn’t be grinning about it if…

Well, that was unthinkable.

And yeah, it was sickening that Edward’s husband was a grown man when he’d started things with a sixteen-year-old boy, but he was twenty-two now. It was clear Alec was a possessive asshole, but that didn’t mean he was physical with Edward. Right?

The thought left Jasper uneasy, and it was a hard one to shake. Especially over the next few months when he noticed how often Edward came into the cafe wearing the same thin sweater or a long-sleeved shirt in the middle of summer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: How we doing out there, kiddos?


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Good morning, doves.

Alec showered Edward with gifts. New watches, new clothes, a fancy new car. True, he’d taken the car away, had sold it, when Edward had arrived home too late one day, but other than that, Alec did like to spoil him.

Still, with all he had, nothing could ever top the very first present Alec had given him. A guitar. A beautiful thing—lovingly made and gorgeous, with a hand-carved handle. He’d been sixteen. His parents, who had never understood him, had proved they didn’t care about Edward’s dream to become a professional songwriter and musician. Alec had bought him his pride and joy. It was practically the only thing he’d brought with him when he ran away.

Edward moved his fingers lovingly over the wood. He plucked at a few chords, smiling to himself. This guitar had given him such happiness these last five years. He’d written pages and pages of music he’d tweaked out on this guitar.

None of it sounded right, though. How many times had Alec told him it was a nice hobby, but he was never going to compose something good enough to sell?

“We should get together tomorrow,” Jasper said the next day when Edward confessed he couldn’t find anything he wouldn’t be embarrassed to send to the professor. “I’m not scheduled at either of my jobs. Bring your guitar. We’ll meet at the park, and you can play me what you have.”

Edward blanched. “What? I can’t… I can’t play for you.”

“Why not?”

“Then you’d know how badly I suck.”

Jasper looked more amused than anything. “I bet you don’t. No one who talks about music like you do can suck that badly.”

“Hah.”

But, Jasper kept up his wheedling and, a week after that initial conversation, Edward agreed to meet him at the park. He spotted him almost as soon as he walked up—his longish blond hair ruffling in the slight breeze. He was leaning, propped up against a pillar near their agreed upon meeting spot, his arms crossed over his chest, a small smile on his face as he talked to an attractive man.

Edward’s gut twisted. Just the nerves getting worse, he thought. Maybe he should just leave Jasper to his new friend. He could text him, and—

“Hey.” Jasper pushed off the pillar. He gave the attractive man a wave goodbye and strode to Edward without looking back. “I was beginning to think you’d chickened out on me.”

“I still might,” Edward said. Over Jasper’s shoulder, he watched the attractive man frown before he turned and walked away. 

Jasper clapped Edward on the back. “Well, let’s get it over with before you try to run off.”

Edward’s heart pounded hard in his chest as he glanced at the handwritten notes. He glanced up at Jasper, and at his encouraging smile, he found the will to start playing. 

After a moment, Edward closed his eyes. Maybe he was terrible, but he loved music. He loved the sound of the notes—their sweet, deep timbre and the vibration of the strings beneath his fingers. He loved that music spoke to him, whispering words that he could sometimes turn into the perfect lyrics.

When the echo of the last note had disappeared into the air, Edward opened his eyes to find Jasper staring at him. He flushed and looked down. “Pretty bad, right?”

“Are you out of your mind?” Jasper asked with an incredulous laugh. “Edward, that was incredible. Really, really beautiful, man. You have a gift.”

Edward thought his friend was just being kind, but he felt a pleased blush heat his cheeks anyway. “It’s not that great.”

“It really is. And that’s just the guitar part, right? You’ve got music for other parts?”

“Yeah, but I don’t know how all of it sounds. I have a piano at home and my guitar."

“Well, e-mail the professor, and you’ll get to see what it sounds like.”

Edward glanced at Jasper. “You really think it’s good?”

“More than good. I’m excited now.” Jasper tapped his knee. “Chapman University has a great film school. The students are looking for composers all the time for their films. This might get your name out. You do a few compositions for the film school crowd, you might get noticed. Either way, it’ll build your portfolio.”

A twinge of excitement worked its way up Edward’s spine. “Now who’s out of their mind? That’s a fantasy.”

“No, it isn’t. It’s a pain in the ass and a hell of a lot of work. The point is, you can do it.”

“You’ve only heard me play one song,” Edward protested with a laugh.

“You’re trying to say it’s a fluke? That’s the only good song you have in you? Come on. You said it yourself. You practice almost every day. Why is it out of the realm of possibility that all that practice made you really, really good?” Jasper held his gaze, and when Edward only stared back at him dubiously, he shook his head. “Okay then. Prove me wrong. Play me another song. Do your worst.”

So, Edward played for him. And as he played, he got an idea.

~0~

Two weeks after the park, Edward was on tenterhooks. Today was going to be a big day for him. He was excited and nervous. He had to remind himself to concentrate several times as he made Alec breakfast before work. Alec liked his eggs over easy. He’d be pissed off if he had to take them over medium again.

He hummed to himself as he flitted around the kitchen. Bacon. Two slices of French toast and eggs over easy. Edward was way too nervous to eat himself. He—

“What the hell is this?”

Alerted by the ice in Alec’s tone, a chill went down Edward’s spine. He looked around the kitchen once, trying to figure out what was out of place before he finally looked at his husband. He gasped and lurched forward. “Where did you find that?”

Alec stepped backward, keeping the professionally done sheet music Edward had just gotten back from the printer out of his reach. He glared and shook the music again. “I said what the hell is this? Jasper by Edward Scarpinato.”

Edward swallowed hard. He’d only hidden it from Alec because he knew his husband wouldn’t understand. “It’s a song I wrote.” He hated how his voice shook.

Alec stepped forward. “And who the hell is Jasper?”

Edward’s heart began to beat hard against his chest. He thought about telling his husband it was a song inspired by the gemstone, but he’d never be able to pull that off. “He’s a friend.”

“What friend? Have I met this friend?” There was acid in his tone as he spoke, and he kept stepping closer.

It was all Edward could do to hold his ground. He remembered the night he’d taken Alec to eat at Jasper’s cafe for their anniversary. He could get so jealous sometimes. Edward had specifically said he didn’t go to the cafe because he liked Jasper. It was true, but Alec would never understand when he was in a mood like this. Nervous and scared, Edward clenched his hands in fists at his side and forced himself to look Alec head on. “No. He’s just someone I met at the park.”

“Someone you’d write a love song for?”

“It’s not a love song,” Edward said quickly. “He...I mean, it’s just a song he inspired. That’s all. We were talking about music, and my muse hit. That’s all. It’s not a love song. It’s not.”

It occurred to Edward then that the smell of burnt food was strong in the air. “Shit.” He turned away from his husband and darted back to the stove. He yanked the pan of now inedible eggs off the fire. “Oh, no.”

He gasped, ducking backward because suddenly, Alec was there. His husband grabbed the frying pan and hurtled it at the wall. Before Edward could react to that, Alec grabbed him by the wrist and wrenched his arm so hard he screamed.

Minutes later, the house was silent save for both their ragged breaths. Edward was on the kitchen floor, his arms wrapped around his head and his legs curled up to his chest, trembling. His body ached. His wrist throbbed—sprained. He tasted blood from a cut inside his mouth. 

Above him, Alec sighed. “Get up.” When Edward didn’t move—he couldn’t get his body to respond—Alec grabbed him by the arm and hauled him upright. He sat him down on the kitchen chair and took him roughly by the chin. He shook him. “Look at me.”

Anxiety twisted in Edward’s gut, but he looked up at his husband through watery eyes. Alec sighed again, and Edward winced as he raised his hand. But he just stroked his cheek. “Why do you do this to me, Edward?” he asked, his voice sorrowful. “You drive me so crazy sometimes. How can you still be such a child?”

He didn’t answer, and Alec gave his head another shake. “You’re a married man. Do you have any respect at all for what that means? Do you understand there are rules? What do you expect me to think when you write music for another man? When you get it done up all fancy, huh? It’s not right. Don’t you get that?”

When he said it like that, Edward felt stupid. He let his gaze drop as he swallowed a mouthful of blood. “I’m sorry.”

“I know you are. I’m sorry, too.” Alec leaned down and kissed him. Edward closed his eyes and pretended it didn’t hurt. “I didn’t mean to overreact. You just make me so angry.” He sighed one final time before he released his hold on Edward’s chin and stepped back. 

Minutes later, Edward was still sitting at the kitchen table, staring straight ahead. He flinched at the sound of the front door closing as Alec left. 

Around him, littered and crumpled like trash, were the shredded pieces of the song he’d written for his friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Mew?


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: TMFU was great. Really, really great.

It took Jasper unforgivably long to figure out why his customer at table three looked familiar. In his defense, it had been months, and he’d only seen the man once. 

He’d been back and forth to the table five times. Each time, the man hadn’t been ready to order. Jasper was getting irritated. More than that, there was something about the guy that made his skin crawl. He’d asked for his name three times now. How hard was it to remember Jasper?

It was on his sixth trip back to the table that it clicked. Jasper stopped short, recognizing something in the set of the man’s jaw. He had a flash of a memory—Edward making a self-conscious face, tucked under the arm of some guy. This guy. 

“You’re Edward’s husband.”

The man—Alec—sat back in his seat, spreading his arm over the back. His eyes were cold and assessing. “And you’re Jasper.”

Though the man’s voice was calm, even soft, it was laced with danger and malice. Jasper cocked his head, studying Alec for another moment before he spoke. “Sorry, I didn’t recognize you from before. It’s been a while.” There was no part of him that wanted to be pleasant to this man, but he was at work. “Have you decided what you want?”

“Sir.”

Jasper looked up from his notepad. “Excuse me?”

“You should address your customers with respect. ‘Have you decided what you want, sir?’”

Jasper bit the inside of his cheek and counted to five in his head. “Sorry. Have you decided what you want, sir?”

“Yeah.” Alec leaned across the table, sharpening his glare. “I want to know what the hell you’re doing with my husband.”

Jasper looked around, wondering if anyone was hearing this conversation. “I don’t know what you mean. Sir.”

The real question was, what was Alec doing with Edward? Jasper hadn’t seen him for going on three weeks, and that fact had worried him to no end. He’d wished so many times he’d pushed a little harder to get some kind of contact information out of Edward. They were friends, after all. Friends should be able to check in on one another. 

“Really?” Alec asked. “So, you don’t have a clue why a happily married man would be lying to me about who you are, and why he’s writing songs about you?”

Jasper couldn’t hide his shock. “Wait. What?”

“Come off it.” Alec’s tone was more condescending than anything, but that trace of danger still lingered. “You’re going to tell me you have no idea why he would write a song for you?”

“I’m not a mind reader, and he never told me about any song.” Jasper shrugged, attempting to put on a carefree expression when he felt anything but. “Songwriters write the songs that come to them, I guess. We’re friendly. Friends inspire each other. Anyway, have you decided what you want to eat?”

The man stood up and, despite himself, Jasper took a step back. Alec stepped with him so they were almost nose-to-nose. “I don't know what kind of a man you are that you would mess with another man's husband. Come near what's mine again, and I can promise your face won't look so pretty afterward.”

With that, he left the restaurant. Jasper stared after him, his stomach in knots. He was rattled, and more than that, he was scared. Not for himself. Well, that wasn't entirely true. He'd seen in Alec’s eyes that he would follow through on his promise, but his fear for himself pushed what he felt for Edward into full-blown terror.

He'd had his suspicions. Who wore even the thinnest sweater in the sweltering heat of July? And here was proof positive that his husband could be violent.

Edward had written a song for him. Alec believed Jasper was interested in his husband. If he'd threatened Jasper in a very public place, what had he done to Edward in the privacy of their own home?

Maybe most importantly, did this have anything to do with why he hadn't seen Edward in three weeks?

~0~

Jasper had no idea where to start or who to go to for help. He was sure Edward was in trouble, but he didn’t know what, if anything, he could do about it. He didn’t have Edward’s address or his phone number. He didn’t have an e-mail address. The only thing he knew was the direction Edward wandered when he left the cafe. He had to live within walking distance.

The first person he went to see was one of his best friends—a cop with the Orange city police department. “We could do a welfare check without a court order,” Bella said when he called her. “But we need more information. Specifically, we need an address. I did a name search, but nothing’s coming up.”

Jasper drummed his fingertips on table. “Shit.” He rubbed his hand over his eyes. “Bella, why didn’t I say something?”

Her voice was sympathetic when she replied. “No one wants to believe anything horrible is happening right underneath our noses.”

“If something happens to him…”

“Think back. Did he talk about places he went? Was there any clue at all where he lived? Some landmark he mentioned?”

Jasper thought about it, and Bella remained quiet on the other line, offering her moral support as she clacked away on her keyboard at work. If this was a television show, she’d would figure out some way, some database that would hold the key to Edward’s whereabouts. In reality, he figured she was probably going about business as usual. There wouldn’t be a spectacular rescue. 

Really, Jasper hoped against hope he was overreacting, and Edward didn’t need to be rescued. There was every chance he was misreading the situation. People were strange. Alec was jealous, but a lot of people were. And maybe Edward liked sweaters, even in July.

“The park,” Jasper said. “He talked about going to the park to listen to people play music.”

“It’s a start,” Bella said.

“Much better than doing nothing. At least it’ll keep me from going crazy. You know...for a while.” Jasper sighed. His break was almost over. “Thanks, Officer.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: SO! What do we think of Bella?


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Because last chapter was very short and Betsy spoils me.

It was a relatively mild day toward the end of August. Edward debated a long time that morning before he headed out the door. He didn’t want to upset Alec—especially not after the night before—and he knew what his husband thought.

After the whole Jasper debacle, Alec had said Edward was just a magnet for trouble. He was young, still naive, and pretty—an easy target for guys who had no respect for a wedding ring, but it was ridiculous. No one had looked at him that way in years. 

It was all Edward’s fault. He was the one who’d gotten a little moon-eyed over Jasper. Not with lust, but maybe a little bit of a crush. He admired the man—liked talking to him, liked his ideas, and the way his head worked. He was clever, and Edward also admired what he was doing—working two jobs and going to school in order to get what he wanted. 

He missed Jasper. A lot. But that was his own problem.

Alec didn’t want Edward wandering out of the house, lest he get in trouble again, but Edward had learned his lesson. Jasper was a fluke; that was all. He hadn’t had a friend like that in years, and he wasn’t going to tempt fate again. He just wanted to go to the park, hear some music, and keep to himself. 

He found a nice place on the grass where he could listen without being part of the main crowd. Closing his eyes, he tilted his head up to the sky, soaking in the mild heat, and let the heartbreaking sound of the violin seep into his bloodstream. 

“Edward? Christ, Edward, is that actually you?”

Edward opened his eyes just in time as Jasper threw himself down beside him and engulfed him in a hug. “Jesus. Oh my God, you’re here,” the man said, squeezing him tightly. 

At first, Edward didn’t know what to do. He was too shocked, and besides that, he couldn’t even remember what it felt like to be hugged. Oh, Alex held him. Of course he did, but this was different. It took him a few seconds to even figure out what was going on, and in the meantime, it was his automatic reaction to put his arms around Jasper in return.

Then he pushed him away, standing as he did, wincing at the pain that shot through his leg. “What do you think you’re doing?”

Jasper got to his feet. “I’m sorry. It’s just that I’ve been looking for you for weeks.” He pushed his hand through his hair and laughed. “You have no idea, man.”

“Why have you been looking for me?” Edward wasn’t sure what he was feeling. Should he be creeped out? He knew he was nervous. His eyes darted around, and even though he knew it was ridiculous, he felt like Alec was watching him.

Jasper’s relieved smile fell, his eyes glinting hard for a moment. “Your husband visited me in the cafe.” His expression softened again, and he rubbed the back of his neck. “I was scared for you.”

Edward looked around, again half expecting to see Alec coming out of the crowd. Suddenly, there were too many people nearby. He started walking. Jasper fell into step beside him. “Why would you be scared for me?” he asked, though he’d broken out in a cold sweat.

“Because something is wrong. ” Jasper reached out and touched his arm. Edward flinched, expecting him to grab him. He stopped walking and kept his head down, knowing full well the blond man was trying to catch his eye. “I need to ask you a question, and I’m so sorry I didn’t ask you before. Look, this is awkward, but I have to be straight with you, man. I’ve been scared that he killed you. That’s not right. Just… Level with me, Edward.” He swallowed hard and took a deep breath. “Does your husband hit you?”

“No,” he said too loud and quickly. Heart pounding hard now, Edward started walking again. “Why the hell would you think that?”

Again, Jasper kept up pace with him. “Because you were hurt a lot.”

“I wasn’t hurt. I told you. I’m just—”

“Clumsy. Yeah. You trip over your own two feet and hit walls. You have stumbles on your lawn. That’s a lot of falling in a short period of time.” He paused a beat. “And your husband talks about you like you’re property, and he doesn’t like other people touching his things.”

A chill went down Edward’s spine, and his throat got tight.

It had been bad the night Alec had found out Edward had lied about who Jasper was. Very bad.

“Edward,” Jasper said. 

Edward didn’t answer—couldn’t find words yet—but he cocked his head and slowed his step.

“You’re limping.” A beat. “Why are you limping?”

Edward flexed his fingers at his sides. Shame made his cheeks hot. He turned, stomped a few paces away, opened his mouth, closed it. 

Jasper touched his arm again. “You can tell me. There’s nothing—”

“You don’t understand, okay?” Edward’s voice shook as it came out. He started to wring his hands even as he paced. “It’s… You don’t know me. Alec is good to me. I know better. I know what makes him upset, and I still do stupid things to provoke him. I act like a spoiled little kid sometimes.”

Jasper grasped him by his shoulders, looking him in the eyes for one second before he dropped his gaze to the floor. “Edward, there's no excuse. There’s no excuse for him to hit you. Jesus Christ. You—”

“He didn’t hit me.” That wasn’t technically a lie. The night before, Alec had pushed him and then kicked him a couple of times. But Edward had provoked him. Now, he wrenched himself away from Jasper’s grasp. “You don’t get it. You just don’t get it. He loves me. I...I… I don’t know why I push him so much, and he doesn’t mean to...to...overreact.”

“Overreact?” Jasper’s eyes were wide, and Edward hated the pitying, incredulous look on his face. “Edward, there’s nothing wrong with you.”

“You don’t know me.”

“I know you don’t deserve to be hurt. Not for any reason. Any reason he gave you is total bullshit. Can’t you see—”

Edward clutched his hands over his ears and shook his head hard. “Shut up. You don’t understand. And I don’t even know what you’re doing here, just causing more trouble for me. You don’t know me, and you don’t know my husband. I’m married, for fuck’s sake. You need to stay away from me.”

He started to walk away, but Jasper hurried to keep up with him. “Okay. Okay. You’re right. I don’t know either of you.”

“Stay away from me,” Edward said again, picking up his step.

“Fine. But Edward. Wait. Just one thing, okay? Just listen to me. Listen.” Jasper took Edward’s hand.

Edward was so shocked by the feel of his fingers through Jasper’s that he stopped again and looked up. Jasper’s eyes now were wide and pleading. “Look. I just need you to know you have a way out. I need to give you something.”

A chill went down Edward’s spine. “I don’t need anything else from you.”

But Jasper was already digging through his pocket. He grabbed Edward’s other hand and pressed something small into it. He closed Edward’s fingers around it. “777 Taft Avenue,” he said.

“What?” Edward shook his head, confused and scared. Not of Jasper, but this was crazy. This was all crazy, and it wasn’t going to end well.

“777 Taft. In Orange. Three sevens. Like a winning slot machine. Taft, like the president. It’s my address. And that’s a key to my apartment. You have somewhere to go. Any time. Any day. Just let yourself in. I will help you. No questions asked.”

Edward stared. He had no idea what to say. It was all crazy. Jasper was acting like he needed to be rescued from his husband—the man he loved. The man he’d married. 

“I have to go,” he said, pulling his hand from Jasper’s. 

And he went.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Eeep. How are we, my friends?


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So. Be careful with this one. Tread lightly. Let me know if you need me to answer questions.

A month passed. Then two more weeks. Jasper thought about Edward all the time. He went to the park when he could. School was back in session, so he didn’t have much time. He tried to keep busy.

Bella had warned him. Abuse victims lived a different reality. It may have been that Edward couldn’t make himself believe letting Jasper help him would keep him safe. It may have been that he believed, with everything in him, that he was the one responsible for the things his husband did to him. It could have been that he was too ashamed to face the idea anyone knew he—a grown man—was being abused. More likely, it was a combination of all of that and more.

“He knows you’re here,” Bella said, trying to comfort him. “That’s more than a lot of people have.”

Life went on. Jasper ached and worried. 

One night in September, Jasper dragged himself up his front walk. Two more semesters. Two semesters, and he would be out of school. He would be qualified for a permanent position at his actual job, and he could drop working at the cafe. He reminded himself of that as he glanced at the time. One in the morning. And he had to be up at five-thirty to get ready for his other job.

When he switched on the light in his small living room, he started and jumped back with a yelp. There was someone sitting on his couch. Someone who didn’t move, didn’t even flinch with Jasper’s startled scream.

“Edward?” 

Edward still didn’t move. Jasper stepped forward, uncertain. Then he ran to his friend as shock wore off, and he realized exactly what he was looking at. Edward was a mess. His shirt was torn. His hair was disheveled in some places, and matted to his head with blood in others. 

Jasper let out another cry as he sat down beside Edward. His face was battered; his eyes unfocused. “Edward,” Jasper whispered, cupping his cheek carefully. “Shit. I’m calling an ambulance.”

Edward blinked several times. His eyes focused the slightest bit. “He broke my guitar,” he said in a monotone.

“Okay.” Jasper reached for his phone, surreptitiously checking Edward for other injuries with his free hand. “Keep talking, okay? Just stay with me.” There was so much blood staining Edward’s shirt, Jasper wasn’t sure how he was upright. He was afraid to touch him. “Help is coming.”

“He gave me that guitar,” Edward said, as though he hadn’t heard Jasper. “He gave me that guitar, because he understood me like no one else in my life.” His voice wavered and broke. “I loved that guitar, and he beat me with it. He broke it on my head.”

On the phone now with 9-1-1, Jasper couldn’t say much, but then again, he doubted Edward could hear him. He was so pale. His skin—what little of it wasn’t broken, bruised, or covered in blood—was a sickly shade. “I think he’s going to collapse,” Jasper told the 9-1-1 operator. 

Right as he said the words, Edward’s eyes rolled back into his head. He slumped. Jasper dropped the phone and caught him before he could topple off the couch. “Edward. Hey. Edward. Come on, man. Stay with me. Open your eyes.” He could tell Edward wasn’t quite unconscious. His body twitched, and his head moved as he fought to remain awake. “I’m right here. You’re going to be okay. You’re going to be okay; you just have to open your eyes.” Jasper’s voice broke with panic and emotion as he rocked his unresponsive friend. “Come on. Please, open yours eyes. Please.”

~0~

There was, Jasper thought, such a thing as too real. He hated how aware he was of everything. He was sitting in an uncomfortable hospital chair, slumped over, with his elbows on his knees and his hands over his eyes so he wouldn’t have to see what was happening around him. He was too aware of sounds—the bustling of the people and staff around him, the indistinct chatter, the sound of footfalls on linoleum. He could even hear his heartbeat in between his ears—the sound thick and heavy. His legs itched. His pants were stiff with blood from where Edward’s head had been cradled on his lap. His eyes ached, because he’d been crying. His head ached. His stomach ached. It was sensory overload, and part of Jasper wished he could close his eyes and just sleep.

He knew he couldn’t. Not when he had no idea how Edward was. He was alive—that much Jasper knew. He was in surgery.

Jasper couldn’t quite get his head around that idea. That Alec—the man who had presumably sworn to love and protect Edward for the rest of their lives—had hurt him so badly he required surgery to repair the damage. And how had Edward found the strength to walk from his house to Jasper’s in the middle of the night when he was injured?

Mostly, Jasper knew he couldn’t sleep until he knew Edward was going to be okay. Whatever that meant. 

It was almost noon. He’d been in this hospital for almost eleven hours.

“Hey.”

Jasper straightened up as Bella—in full uniform—sat beside him. “How are you holding up?” she asked, with a hand on his back.

He shook his head impatiently. “I don’t want to talk about me. What can you tell me about Edward?”

“Not much,” she said, her voice soft. “He’s scared right now, and his moods are unpredictable.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means I need your help if we’re going to help him.” Bella’s sympathetic expression tightened into a more furious one. “My goal here is to put his bastard husband behind bars, but I need his cooperation to do that.”

“Christ, did you see him? He’s a mess, Bella. He’s—”

“I know.” She looked Jasper in the eyes, holding his gaze. “But right now, he’s being quiet about how he got injured. He hasn’t given the doctors a reason for his injuries, and he hasn’t implicated his husband. He’s already put off talking to me, though he didn’t outright say no to that either. But he did say he wants to see you.”

Jasper let out a breath. “Okay. Okay, that’s great. Let’s go.”

“He’s with the doctor right now, but I need to talk to you anyway. Listen, okay? This is important. Getting his cooperation right now is critical. It’s better to try to talk to him while he’s alone. If Alec gets here, he’s going to start controlling the narrative. We need to get Edward to talk now, and it might not be easy.”

Jasper settled down as much as he could. He took several breaths and nodded. “What do you need me to do?”

She studied him. “I need you to be prepared. Victims…” She sighed. “Look, even now, there’s every chance that he’ll let his husband back in. That he’ll be the one to protect him.”

Jasper’s stomach churned with revulsion. He clenched his jaw, and looked away from Bella.

“I know it’s hard, but it’s not uncommon,” Bella said. “It’s important for you to be calm with him and patient. You need to push him a little—it’s only a matter of time before his husband figures out where he is—but without lashing out. Believe me, Jasper. I know that dealing with victims of abuse is frustrating, but you’re the best chance he has right now.”

Swallowing hard, Jasper nodded.

~0~

Jasper had no idea what to expect when he finally set foot in Edward’s room. His heart was pounding hard in his chest, and he felt lightheaded with sickness. Still, his steps were remarkably steady as he crossed the room.

Edward was lying on the bed, staring out the window. He tensed slightly when he heard Jasper come in the room, but otherwise, he didn’t move. Bella and the nurses said he was quiet and spaced out. He was conscious, but he wasn’t processing information very well. 

Jasper called his name quietly as he sat in the chair by his bedside. Edward didn’t respond. Tentatively, Jasper reached out and took his hand, careful of the I.V. sticking out of it. “Hey.”

Edward’s hand twitched, but he didn’t pull away. He blinked and winced. The gash above his eye had one or two stitches—one of the more minor head injuries he’d received. Part of his head had been shaved to stitch up the much more gruesome wound.

After a moment, though, he swallowed and licked his split lip. “You’re not at work.” It wasn’t a question, and his voice was barely there. He didn’t look at Jasper.

“I’m not going to leave you right now,” Jasper said.

To his surprise, Edward’s eyes got glassy with tears. He took a shaky breath. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have just shown up at your place. I’m such a pain in the ass. I didn’t mean to cause you so much trouble.”

Jasper’s heart twisted and broke with those words. His breath left him in a gust. “Edward,” he whispered.

Not quite sure what he was doing, but needing to do it anyway, he reached out and ran his fingers along Edward’s forehead. The man refused to look at him. “You’re no trouble, Edward,” he said, voice soft but strong with conviction. “You haven’t done anything wrong.”

Edward didn’t look at him. He didn’t give any indication that he’d heard what Jasper said.

Jasper had to work hard to keep his voice soft and steady. “Look where we are. Are you going to tell me there’s anything you could have done to deserve this? I’ll bet you didn’t do anything, but even if you did, do you think you deserve to be treated this way?” 

Edward didn’t answer and didn’t look at him. Jasper had to count to ten before he tried again. “Okay. Let me ask you this. What would it take for you to do to me what Alec did to you?”

“You’re good,” Edward whispered.

“And you’re not?” Jasper closed his eyes and willed himself to keep calm. He was going to lose his shit, but he couldn’t do it yet. Not in front of Edward. “What did you do, then? What did you do to deserve to be hurt so badly?

The quiet stretched on so long, Jasper wanted to scream. Or be sick. Frankly, he wouldn’t have been surprised at either outcome.

Edward laughed, and Jasper jumped at the sound. It was a soft laugh, but it lingered. It lingered until Edward gasped, cutting off a sob. He’d closed his eyes, but Jasper could see the tear that trailed down his cheek. 

“I don’t know,” he said finally. “I don’t even know what I did this time.” He sniffled. “He came home angry, and I couldn’t do anything right.”

More silence as Jasper tried to digest that. Not that there was ever going to be an excuse big enough to justify this, but nothing? To know that his friend, this precious, beautiful man, was broken and battered for literally no reason at all?

Jasper changed his mind. It was no contest. As soon as he walked out of this room, he was going to be violently ill. 

Then he was going to kill Alec Scarpinato with his bare hands.

“It doesn’t matter,” Edward said.

“What doesn’t?”

“He’s all I have. You think I can afford to pay for any of this without his insurance? And where would I go? I have nothing. No clothes. No car. Nothing that isn’t his.”

“You have me.” Jasper squeezed his fingers. “You have somewhere to go. I told you that. And I’ll help you.”

“I can’t do that to you.”

“You’re not doing—”

“He’ll kill you.” For the first time, Edward’s voice raised above a whisper, though he still didn’t look up. “He told me a million times he’d kill you, and I believe him.”

“He’ll kill you if you go back,” Jasper said, keeping his voice as calm as he could. “He could have killed you last night.” He took Edward’s hand in both of his. “Talk to the police, Edward.”

Edward stiffened and shuddered, whimpering audibly.

“It will be okay,” Jasper said quickly. “Bella...Officer Swan, is my best friend. She’ll help you. And I’ll help you. You won’t be alone. We can help you.”

“Why would you do any of this for me?”

“Because you’re worth it.”

For the first time since Jasper had come into his room, Edward raised his eyes. The look in them was far and away the most heart-rending expression Jasper had ever seen in his life. Edward was wide-eyed, as if the idea shocked him. Yet there was a want so intense, it nearly stole Jasper’s breath.

He wanted to believe. He wanted to hope. Jasper knew it looking in his eyes. He knew it without a doubt.

And he was scared. He was terrified and tired. It was all there.

Edward’s eyes filled with tears again. He pressed the palm of his free hand over his eyes and his lips crumpled—the expression of a person trying desperately not to cry and about to fail miserably. He gasped with the effort.

“It’s going to be okay,” Jasper whispered, carefully stroking his hair. “You’ve got me, okay? I promise. You’ve got me.”

Edward reached out blindly and grasped his hands, squeezing them so tightly, it hurt. Jasper didn’t care. He just held on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Deep breaths, kiddos. Hand holding.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Okay, kiddos. Let’s do this.

Getting out of an abusive relationship seemed like a no-brainer. If someone hit you, abused you, belittled you, it was easy to think you would dump that person, walk away. Who let themselves be treated like that?

But, as with most things, reality simply wasn’t as easy as black and white. A victim’s reality was like the bruises that so often decorated their body—raw and red, black, blue, purple, and ugly green-yellow around the edges.

Bella told Jasper she had seen instances of horrific abuse—broken bones, broken skin, head wounds, permanent disfigurement and disability—where the victim not only returned willingly to their abuser, but lied for them, protected them. “Pets don’t last long in an abusive household,” she said. “The abuser hurts and kills the animals to prove the point that he can hurt and kill the victim, and that’s how it ends a lot of the time. Yet so many victims stay until the inevitable end.”

“Why?” Jasper whispered, rubbing his hands over his eyes.

“A lot of reasons,” Bella said. “Most abusers are very charming. They’re well liked by their friends, co-workers, even the victim’s family. So a victim believes that the problem has to be them, especially because the abuser tells them that over and over and over again.”

“If you hear something enough times, it becomes true,” Jasper concluded.

“Exactly. There’s that, and the shame. They don’t want anyone to know they’ve been victimized.” Bella frowned. “Then the isolation and dependence. Victims are isolated from friends and family. Often, they aren’t allowed to work. If they have a cell phone, the abuser monitors it heavily. One woman told me that she had to ask her husband to borrow his cell phone to make any call.”

“Like she was a kid,” Jasper said, his jaw clenched.

“Yes, and if she wanted to talk to her family, she could only do so on his phone, when he was in the room with her.” Bella sighed. “It makes the dependence even worse. A lot of victims aren’t allowed to work outside of the home, or if they are, their ability for job growth is significantly stymied by the abuser. You know— ‘why aren’t you here with me? You’ve been spending too much time at work,’ etc. or the abuser controls the flow of money.”

Edward had said he had nothing. Not even the clothes on his back were his, technically. In giving him everything, Alec had become everything to Edward. “It’s hard to walk away when someone is your whole world,” Jasper said.

Bella nodded. “It’s a scary thing to not know where you’re going to live, where your next meal is coming from, if you can afford healthcare. And the problem is compounded for male victims of domestic violence. Most shelters are open to women only for obvious reasons. There are limited resources for someone in Edward’s situation. There are some charities he could apply to, but what they can give is limited in the extreme. As a man without children, he probably wouldn’t qualify at all.”

She rubbed her hands together, her expression hard and haunted. “But the biggest deterrent is the danger involved in leaving an abusive person. They don’t trust anyone to help them—because being abused by the person who’s supposed to love you the most teaches you that you can’t trust anyone, but also because so many people have failed them. Police who fail to investigate, neighbors who turn a blind eye, things like that. And they know if they try to leave and fail, things will be very bad for them. So not leaving is a survival instinct, even though it sounds counterintuitive.”

Jasper was briefly overwhelmed. It was easy to say he could help Edward, but he had to be realistic. Could he even feed two people on his salary? He was working two jobs and barely getting through school as it was. How was he going to add taking care of his traumatized friend to that list? And to top it all off, there was every possibility that Edward would go running back to Alec.

Bella had said that the average victim of domestic abuse tries to leave seven times before they get away for good.

He shook his head and sat up straight. None of it mattered. He’d spent the last two months worried about Edward, and look what had happened. Alec had broken a guitar over Edward’s head and then beaten him with the handle. This was a life and death situation, and Jasper was going to do everything he could to get Edward safely to the other side. He didn’t know how, but that was life. He’d figure it out.

~Edward~

Nothing made sense, and at this point, Edward didn’t think it had anything to do with his head injury. His thoughts were too loud, and everything that was happening was too big. All of it was surreal. From one moment to the next, he wasn’t sure any of this was really happening.

After Edward had given an official statement to Jasper’s cop friend, Bella, she’d asked if he wanted to press charges.

No, no, no, no, a voice in his head had chanted. This was his husband. Was he really trying to send his husband to jail? What if all of this was his fault? What if he got out? Oh, God, Alec was going to kill him if he did this. No, no, no, no.

Jasper had squeezed his hand, and Edward had nodded because he was beyond speech at that point. Then, things had really gotten out of control. A social worker had arrived. They’d taken pictures of his naked body. Alec had been arrested when he walked into the hospital. Days later, thinking about it still made Edward dizzy. At the time, he’d had a panic attack.

Before he was released from the hospital, the social worker made Jasper leave while she and Bella questioned Edward. He hated those questions. They were horribly invasive. And afterward, the social worker had put a bunch of garbage in his head. Like when he asked why the cops needed to know about his sex life.

“What you described to Officer Swan is, by definition, rape,” the social worker had said.

Edward had explained that he was just broken, that was all. “Did your husband tell you that?” the social worker asked.

“Yeah, but some things are just facts. There are disorders, aren’t there?” Edward had countered.

“Yes, there are disorders. Asexuality is also a valid sexual orientation and a possibility, but all of that is irrelevant. You stated you don’t like sex and that Alec often had sex with you during or as part of an argument. You also said that you were scared, and there were times in the past where you bled.”

“Like...spots,” Edward had said defensively. “It happens sometimes.”

“Sometimes,” the social worker agreed. “When two people are in the heat of the moment, they might get carried away. Together.”

Since then, Edward kept on thinking about that last word. Together. Sex-related injuries were things other people joked and bragged about. It happened.

Together. When both people were in the throes of passion. He heard what the social worker had left unspoken. What had happened to Edward was done to him. He’d never been an active participant.

But rape?

None of it made sense.

What especially didn’t make sense was why Jasper was doing any of this for him. He’d insisted on taking Edward in. Alec posted bail pretty quickly, leaving Edward, essentially, homeless. Bella had said he could have filed an emergency motion with the judge to make sure Alec couldn’t go back home until Edward had a chance to get out, but that seemed wrong. The house was Alec’s. Edward was the one who had started all this mess.

So here he was in Jasper’s apartment, in his room—Jasper had insisted on taking the sofa. Despite the fact Jasper and Bella kept telling him everything was okay, Edward had never been more scared and uncertain in his entire life. He liked spending time with his friend, but he was nervous being in his apartment. He didn’t know what he could touch or the way Jasper wanted things. 

Time passed in weird warps. Sometimes, he would sit down for what felt like minutes only to realize hours had passed. He had a hard time remembering things. Simple things. He tried to make dinner the second night, and he’d burned Jasper’s pan because he’d forgotten he’d put eggs to boil. He added a pan to the long list of things he owed his friend. 

Jasper was going to realize how much of a pain in the ass he was sooner than later. What would happen to Edward then? He was waiting for Jasper to realize his mistake.

He was waiting for Alec to find him.

When he got out of the hospital, during the short walk to the car, Edward couldn’t stop looking around. It didn’t matter that Jasper was on one side of him and Bella on the other. It didn’t even matter that Bella had a gun. He was still scared. He felt like Alec was watching.

That was the worst part - the waiting. How many times had Alec told him, “If anyone ever tries to take you away, baby. I’ll kill them. You’re mine. My own.” He’d whispered it raggedly in Edward’s ear after they’d had a fight when Edward looked at some random person a beat too long for Alec’s liking. He’d growled the words as he fucked Edward, claimed him. “Say it. Tell me who you belong to,” he’d demanded.

Edward woke up from nightmares where Alec killed Jasper right in front of him, where he pinned him to the bed and made him look in Jasper’s lifeless eyes while he said over and over again, “Tell me who you belong to.”

The thing about those dreams was that they didn’t feel like nightmares. They felt like a reality that hadn’t happened yet; like he knew with certainty they would happen. It was only a matter of time.

On the fourth day, the other shoe dropped. 

It worried Edward endlessly that Alec knew where Jasper worked. Why had he been so stupid as to want to introduce his husband to the little cafe? And it had been even stupider to write a song with his name as the title. He should have known Alec would figure it out.

That night, the night after Alec had visited the cafe to find out Jasper’s name, had been a bad night for Edward. Worse than most. So what would Alec do to Jasper? He couldn’t kill him with so many people around them, would he?

Could he?

Jasper came home late on the fourth night. Edward had been pacing, and he knew almost as soon as he looked at his friend what had happened. “Alec was there.”

“Yeah,” Jasper said with a sigh. “But nothing happened, Edward. Someone else saw him parked across the street, just watching.”

Edward shivered. Waiting for him. He knew it. 

“He didn’t do anything. I called Bella. She sent a couple cops to talk to him, and tomorrow, he’ll be served with another restraining order.” Jasper shook his head. “He’s just digging himself a deeper hole.”

Visions of a shallow grave and Jasper’s broken body filled his head. “This is crazy. I should go back.”

Jasper was over to him in a heartbeat. “No.”

“I have to. This is just nuts. I... I need to be an adult.”

“What part of going back to him makes you an adult?”

“Not going back to him.” Edward wrapped his arms around his shoulders. It was still beyond him—the idea of living without Alec. “I should…” He swallowed hard. “I need to grow up. Have a discussion with him.”

“About what?”

Edward looked down at the floor. “A divorce.” The word still felt foreign and tasted like failure. He loved Alec, and Alec loved him. Maybe Alec had some problems, but shouldn’t Edward stick by him if he was willing to work it out? At least give him the chance? But he knew it was what Jasper wanted. He knew what this looked like to everyone else. Alec shouldn’t have done what he did, any of the things he did, but that didn’t mean Edward was blameless.

“It’s better,” Edward said when Jasper gaped at him. “It’s the responsible thing to do. I shouldn't pawn this off on you. Don't you understand how dangerous he is to you?”

“To me? You want to go home to ask him for a divorce? What would he do to you?”

Edward couldn't help it. He paled, and his legs shook. Jasper huffed. “Exactly.”

“He's my husband. Doesn't that make it my job to protect you?”

“Let’s not make this about you protecting me or me protecting you. Let’s just say we’re in this together.”

“I don't understand why any of this is your problem. It shouldn’t be your problem. If I wasn’t so pathetic—”

Jasper let out a growl of exasperation. He reached out, and Edward recoiled away from him. “Sorry,” he said instantly, his voice already thready with nerves. 

“I’m not going to hurt you,” Jasper said, his voice so quiet it broke Edward’s heart. 

“I know that,” Edward said. “I do.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “Fuck. I’m such a freak. I—”

“Please stop.” Jasper flexed his hands in fists at his sides. The gesture made Edward nervous, but his friend’s face wasn’t angry or irritated. “You put yourself down so much,” Jasper murmured.

Edward blinked, because he really didn’t see it as putting himself down. “I’m sorry.”

At that, Jasper laughed without humor. “You realize you’re apologizing to me because you insult yourself all the time?”

“I’m…”

“Sorry?” Jasper guessed. He took a hesitant step forward. With slow movements, he reached out to take Edward’s hand in both of his. “I think probably it’s been a long time since you had anyone but you on your side. But I’m in this now. It’s done. I’m not going to turn my back on you. That’s not what friends do.” He tried his best to catch Edward’s eyes. “I want you safe as much as you want me safe, okay? So stick with me. There’s some rough patches ahead of us, and they’re going to suck. But stick with me, and I’ll stick with you.”

There was a lump in Edward’s throat that choked his breath. “Why? Why would you stick with me?”

“Because you’re worth it.”

It was the second time Jasper had said that to him in just a few days. If Edward didn’t believe it, at least he was beginning to understand that Jasper did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So many thanks to Packeh, Mina, MoH, Songster, Julie, and Jess for their input on this one.
> 
> And thanks to all of you who have had such heartfelt responses. You make writing so rewarding.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Shorty chapter, but I’ll update again in a few days. Promise.

Jasper had been watching Edward pace for fifteen minutes now. Not that he blamed the man for freaking out the way he was. They’d been having a tentative conversation about possible next steps when Edward had gone out of his skin. The poor kid got overwhelmed so easily, it broke Jasper’s heart.

What must it to be like to have nothing? Edward had been with Alec all his adult life. The man had systematically chipped away at Edward’s ability to do anything for himself, leaving him totally dependent. He’d never had a job, had no formal schooling. He didn’t have a dime to his name or even a cell phone. And, besides Jasper’s couch, nowhere to go.

It was an overwhelming thing to even contemplate, but Jasper was going to go out of his mind if he had to watch his friend for a moment longer. “Edward. Will you stop?”

Edward stopped. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry.” Jasper hesitated a moment. “Can I hold you? Please?”

Edward blinked. “What?”

“Can I hug you? Hold you. Christ, just come here and calm down.” He offered his hand.

Looking uncertain, Edward took his hand. He unfroze a bit when Jasper tugged, and he sat down. Moving carefully, as though he were a cat that might startle, Jasper put an arm around his shoulders. Edward remained stiff.

Though it wasn’t funny, Jasper laughed. “Edward. It’s a hug. Haven’t you ever been hugged before?”

“Yes,” Edward said, his tone defensive. “No. I mean. Not like this. Not for…”

“For five years?” Jasper guessed. 

Edward said nothing. He sighed and relaxed slightly, letting Jasper tuck him closer. “There,” Jasper said. “Good.”

After another moment, Edward closed his eyes and leaned his head against Jasper’s shoulder. He soaked up affection, Jasper noted. Like he clung to Jasper’s hand when he let him. He’d left home before he turned seventeen. No friends since then. Alec had made it impossible for him to have friends.

Jasper stroked his fingers through Edward’s hair. He felt such tenderness for this man, this wounded boy. Tenderness, and something...else. Something he really didn’t need to think about right now.

Edward needed more than him. 

“Where are your parents?” Jasper asked, and he could have kicked himself. Sure enough, Edward stiffened in his embrace.

“Oh.” Edward pulled away. He wrapped his arms around his shoulders. “They’re not… We haven’t talked for…”

“Five years?” Jasper guessed again.

Edward wasn’t looking at him, but that wasn’t new. “They didn’t approve of me.”

“Did they kick you out?”

A beat of silence before Edward answered, “No. I ran away. With Alec.” He swallowed and shook his head. “But they wouldn’t have liked it. Knowing I’m gay.”

“Are you sure?”

Another beat, and Edward blew out a shaky breath. “I don’t know.” Another swallow, and Edward’s eyes got glassy. “I’ve been thinking about that. Years ago, after we got married, after I was an adult, I told Alec I wanted to call them. I had to tell him. My cell phone could never call long distance. It’s blocked. It was always blocked.”

Jasper was careful to keep his face placid. He remembered the story Bella had told him about the woman who couldn’t use the phone unless her husband was there in front of her. 

“Alec said he called them.” Edward had slipped into a montone. He did that sometimes, when he was talking, and he didn’t want to feel. “He said they said they were glad to be rid of me. That I wasn’t welcome back in their house.”

Jasper clenched his hands in fists by his sides. He forced himself to breathe in and out before he said a word. “He lied.”

“I don’t think so. Not about that.” He said the words too quickly. He’d been thinking about it. He’d rehearsed.

“Why do you say that?”

“We argued all the time. I was never the son they wanted me to be.”

Jasper chuffed. “Edward. You were sixteen. You’re not supposed to get along with your parents when you’re sixteen. It’s part of a teenager’s programming.”

Edward pushed to his feet and started to pace again. “No. They hated me.”

“Did your husband tell you that?”

“Why do people keep asking me that?” Edward picked up a coffee mug from the coffee table and flung it across the room. The noise made them both jump. “Oh, God.” Edward darted forward and sunk to his knees amongst the mess of glass. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean… I’ll pick it up. I’m sorry.” He started picking up shards, but the way his fingers were shaking, he was going to hurt himself.

Jasper hurried across the room, and that was a mistake. Edward skittered backward until he came up against the wall. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to. I’m sorry.”

“Edward, hey. I’m not mad. I’m not mad, okay?” Jasper used the side of his shoe to clear the area of glass before he knelt by his side. “It’s me. It’s Jasper. I’m not going to hurt you.”

Edward blinked sporadically. His eyes focused, and then he winced. “Shit.” He hissed between clenched teeth. His hands went to his sides.

There was a lot of blood. Blood on Edward’s hands from cuts. But the way his shirt was stained was different. “I’m going to look, okay?”

Edward closed his eyes and leaned his head against the wall. He was still except for a gasp as Jasper pulled his shirt up to survey the damage.

“You popped your stitches,” Jasper said, as calmly as he could. He took Edward’s hand and examined it. Then the other. “I don’t think you’ll need any new ones, though. I’m going to put your arm around my shoulder and help you up, okay?”

“Okay,” Edward said, his voice so quiet, it was almost a whisper. 

Jasper got his arm around him and stood. 

“You see?” Edward said as they walked.

“See what?”

“I’m difficult. And irrational.” He sat down when Jasper opened the car door for him, looking at his bloodied hands. “Maybe Alec shouldn’t have hurt me the way he did, but I had five years to drive him there.”

“You’re not difficult or irrational,” Jasper said when he got in the driver’s side. 

Edward scoffed. “Right, because rational people just break coffee cups in the middle of a conversation.”

“I pushed you.”

Edward looked over at him. “Now you sound like me.”

Jasper considered that as he drove. “I think it’s been a really long time since you were allowed to be angry.” He waited a beat, but Edward didn’t answer. “And I think you don’t know how to live a life where you’re not walking on eggshells.” Another pause. He drummed his fingers on the steering wheel. Was he really about to go there again when Edward got so upset the first time? “I think you lashed out because I was making you question another fact of your life, and I think you’re at your limit of that.”

Edward had turned so his forehead was against the cool glass of the window. His eyes were closed. A tear streaked down his cheek.

“It’s a good thing in a way,” Jasper said to fill the silence. “At least, the way I figure it. You’ve been in a survival mode, where you weren’t allowed to feel or be what you wanted to be. I think you are starting to come out. Already.”

“Survival mode,” Edward repeated, his tone tired but scathing. “That’s so dramatic.”

“Some things are what they are. You don’t think of yourself as a survivor because you don’t see what you’ve been through as a traumatic event. You were tortured for five years, Edward. By someone you loved. Who, supposedly, loved you.”

“He does love me,” Edward said quickly. “And I love him.” He sniffed. “And I hate him,” he said in a whisper.

~0~

A couple of hours later, they were waiting for Edward to be wheeled upstairs where they could take a look at his insides. The reason he’d had to have surgery in the first place was to correct internal bleeding Alec’s beating had inflicted. 

Edward had been quiet throughout everything, so Jasper started when he spoke. “It wasn’t always like that, you know.”

The words were so soft, Jasper could almost convince himself he’d imagined it. He looked at Edward, but of course, the other man wasn’t looking at him. He was staring straight up at the ceiling. His fingers were loose around Jasper’s, but he hadn’t let go of him in hours except when he’d had to.

Jasper squeezed his fingers, urging him to continue. 

“He taught me how to play guitar,” Edward said. “I was fourteen when my father hired him. An indulgence I begged for. My father thought music was frivolous. He wanted me to go for extra-curricular activities that would look better on my transcript. For college, you know?”

Jasper’s stomach had begun to churn. He wondered how young Edward had been when Alec’s abuse had started.

“I thought Alec was hot. And talented. It was his minor—music. He’s good,” Edward said. “Really good.”

Edward shook his head. “Anyway. After a couple of years, my dad started bugging me to get more serious about college. He hit the roof when I insisted I wanted to go to a music school. I wanted Juilliard, but Alec said I wasn’t that good.”

“Alec is a lying piece of shit.” Jasper closed his eyes. “Sorry. Just… Go on.”

“But he helped me figure out other colleges. And helped me figure out what to say to my dad. Whenever I got in a fight with my dad, I could run to Alec. He helped me so much.”

He’d widened the chasm between an impressionable kid and his parents, Jasper filled in for himself. He let Edward believe that he understood him, he saw him, when no one else he loved did.

“He was good to me a lot of the time,” Edward said.

Jasper sighed. He twined his fingers tighter through Edward’s. “I know,” he said.

“I just… It wasn’t torture, you know? I’m not a victim. Not like that. I was happy the day I married him. I was really, really happy.”

Jasper squeezed his fingers again and rubbed a thumb over his knuckle. His heart ached, because he did understand, and that made it worse in a way. “I know, Edward.”

Edward’s love had been honest. Hell. Alec’s love had probably been honest in his own, warped way.

And that must have been the worst wound the man ever inflicted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Love you, ducks. How are you doing?


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: *hand holding*

It was hard to believe it had only been nine days since Edward ran for Jasper’s house. Nine days, and his entire world had changed. 

 

He just didn’t know what was right. Alec had told him so often he was thoughtless and inconsiderate. He didn’t think right, didn’t know how to be a good, considerate person. For that, he had the strange urge to run to Alec. His husband never hesitated to tell him what to do—the right way to be.

 

For instance, after he got out of the hospital, Bella had tried to talk to him about returning to his house to get his things. That seemed wrong. Nothing was his. He didn’t work. Alec bought him everything. He’d had his husband arrested. He didn’t deserve shirts and shoes. If he couldn’t get them on his own, he shouldn’t have them.

 

Jasper and Bella said he’d earned his possessions. He’d risen every day and done all he could to make Alec’s life easier. He’d made his meals, cleaned his house, and listened when he needed to vent. It had been gruelling work—trying to be the partner Alec wanted him to be. That made sense, too. 

 

Then again, he’d often been horrible at his “job.” How often had Alec told him he gave him more stress, not less. He made more messes and irritated Alec when he’d had a hard day at work.

 

Edward rubbed his temples, as indecisive as ever. He was alone in Jasper’s apartment. That always made him nervous. He tried not to touch anything, but that was inevitable. He kept a running tally of the resources he used up, so he could pay Jasper back someday.

 

But how?

 

That was what led Edward to conclude that he really did need to get a few things. He couldn’t keep borrowing Jasper’s clothes. That was inconsiderate as hell. And it wasn’t like Alec was going to get any use out of his clothes. 

 

Bella had gotten his key from Alec and made it clear that when Edward was ready to return home to get his things, Alec had to make himself scarce. She’d also told Edward all he had to do was call her, and she would escort him to the house just in case.

 

The thing was Edward didn’t want to bother Bella either. He knew it was her job to do things like that, but she’d been bending over backward to help him. He liked Bella. A lot. He wanted her to be his friend, and even he knew it wasn’t great to start a friendship off with one person doing the other a ton of personal favors.

 

He decided he would go home when he knew Alec was at work. No harm there. He didn’t need Jasper or Bella to hold his hand. 

 

It was so weird to walk into his home as though he was a stranger. He looked around, almost surprised that everything looked so normal. Wasn’t this where he belonged? Alec had moved them here four years ago, and it had been where Edward spent most of his time.

 

But no. There was something off about the place. There was something different, though Edward couldn’t put his finger on it. 

 

Maybe it was him. He was the one who was changed. Mangled. Someone he didn’t recognize. 

 

Confused as ever, Edward went to the closet and got down his suitcase. He fingered the worn tags, remembering all the places Alec had taken him. There had been good times. A lot of good times. 

 

Edward turned his attention to the coats. His heartbeat quickened when he saw the fine cashmere coat, and he remembered what had happened the day he ran out of the house wearing it. The rain damage was so minimal, and so easily dealt with, but Alec… Oh, he hadn’t been pleased.

 

There had been bad times. Very, very bad times.

 

The first time Alec had hit him, he said it was an accident. It had been. They’d been arguing, Edward was right on his heels, and Alec had swung around, accidentally backhanding him so hard, his lip had bled.

 

That time, Alec had been so apologetic. The anger had drained from his features in an instant, and he was all over Edward, hugging him and chanting, “I’m sorry. Baby, I’m so sorry. It was an accident. I would never hurt you.”

Some time after that, though, his tune had changed. There had been a few more accidents. He’d pushed Edward a few times. Then, he hit him. On purpose. 

 

“Why do you do this to me, Edward? You knew it was going to piss me off. You knew it, and you did it anyway.”

 

He’d been right, that time. Edward knew what he was doing, and he’d done it anyway. Even now, he remembered how stupid he’d felt.

 

Alec had gathered him close, wrapped him up in his arms and rocked him, kissing his cheek again and again. “I’m sorry, baby. I’m so sorry. I love you. You just drive me so crazy sometimes. I don’t know why you have to push me like that. You know I don’t want to hurt you. You know that, right?”

 

“I know,” Edward had whispered, stunned and feeling stupid. “I’m sorry. It was my fault.”

 

“Immaturity comes with youth,” Alec had sighed in his ear and stroked his cheek. “You’re learning, and I need to try to be more patient.”

 

But Edward had kept making mistakes, and Alec had gotten resentful. It made sense to Edward in a lot of ways. Alec shouldn’t have had to tell him over and over again things that seemed obvious in retrospect. 

 

Shaking his head, Edward shoved the cashmere coat back in the closet, opting for a different, less expensive one. Then, he headed for the bedroom.

 

As he got in the door, he gasped. Unfortunately, the noise woke Alec, who was asleep on top of their bed. “Edward?” he said, sounding groggy.

 

Edward walked backward, startled when he came up against the wall. His heart began to pound out of control. 

 

Alec swung his legs over the bed and stood, reaching a hand out. “Baby…”

 

Alec came forward. Edward stumbled backward, but Alec was faster. Edward tensed, and raised an arm to cover his face, but his husband fell to his knees. He wrapped his arms around Edward’s legs. “I’m so sorry. Baby, please, listen to me.”

 

Thrown off guard, Edward froze. Anger he expected. How could Alec not be angry? He had all kinds of legal problems now. He’d spent the night in jail, for chrissakes. How could he not be angry?

 

Looking down, Edward was stunned to find tears in Alec’s eyes. His husband pressed a kiss against his belly over his shirt. “Oh, my god, Edward. Baby, please. You have to believe I didn’t mean to hurt you like that. They said you had to have surgery. That’s not what I wanted.”

 

With shaking hands, Edward unwound his husband’s fingers from his shirt and took a step backward, out the door. He swallowed hard. “But you did want to hurt me.”

 

Alec furrowed his brow. “No. Of course not. I never want to hurt you.” He swallowed, looking up at Edward through large eyes. “I know I fucked up. I know it. Look, we can get help, okay?”

 

His husband was still on his knees, and Edward was confused. Alec had told him before he’d try harder to be patient, but help? That was different. “We’d get help?” he asked, hesitating. So much of him was still in flight mode, screaming to run away before the hitting started. “What kind of help?”

 

“I don’t know. Counseling, I suppose. We both have things to work on.”

 

Something foreign churned in Edward’s gut. He stepped back, and Alec got to his feet. Edward jolted backward. A memory flashed through his mind. Alec had stalked him down this hallway, Edward crawling, trying to scramble away from him while his husband ranted and the handle of the guitar fell on him again and again. He glanced down. His blood still stained the floor and the walls--not as macabre as it had been, but still obvious. Of course. Alec wasn’t as fastidious about cleaning as Edward was.

 

Edward took several more steps, dancing out of Alec’s reach. “I have to go.” He was so angry. He hadn’t been prepared for how angry he would be. 

 

“No. Wait.” Alec lunged forward and grabbed Edward by the shirt again. “I’m your husband, Edward. The least you can do is talk to me.”

 

A chill went down Edward’s spine at the tone in Alec’s voice. It was the tone he used when Edward wasn’t behaving as he thought he should. “Let go of me,” he said, pleased when his voice didn’t shake. 

 

“Edward—”

 

“If you do love me. If you really didn’t want to hurt me, then right now, you need to let go of me.”

 

Alec’s eyes hardened, and he took an intimidating step forward. “So you can run back to that son-of-a-bitch waiter? Huh? Is that where you’ve been?”

 

A tremor went through Edward, and he took a step backward. “Alec—”

 

“Can’t you see what he’s doing to us, baby? Don’t you see what’s right in front of you? He’s the one who put it into your head that you had to get the police involved.”

 

Out of the hallway now, Edward tried to dart away. Alec was ready for that. He grabbed him by the arm and wrenched him back. Edward cried out, and his knees buckled with the pain of it. “Let me go. Alec, please.”

 

Alec didn’t. He shook him, really angry now. “Do you know the trouble you’ve caused? My work knows I was in jail. I had to call my friend to bail me out. Was that what you wanted, Edward?” He shook him again. Hard. Edward groaned, feeling as though he was about to yank his arm from his socket. “Answer me!”

 

“Alec, please.” Edward hated how his voice had turned into a whine, but he needed out of there. He was all alone, and he’d been right. His husband was going to kill him for what he’d done. He could see the tempest looming, getting bigger by the moment. “You said you didn’t want to hurt me. You’re hurting me. Let me go. Please.”

 

“You—”

 

“Hey! Step away from him right now.”

 

Edward raised his head, shocked at the sound of a familiar voice. Bella—dressed in plain clothes—was advancing on them quickly. Her eyes were sharp on Alec. “Let him go and take a step back. Now,” she commanded, her tone authoritative in a way Edward hadn’t ever heard it before. He’d have been scared of her if she was looking at him like that.

 

Alec scoffed. “I remember you. This is my house, officer. I’m just having a conversation with my husband.”

 

“And you have a restraining order. You need to stay away from this man at all times.”

 

“He came here.”

 

“It’s his house. He has a right to be here. Now let him go and step away before I make you.”

 

“Edward.” Alec’s voice was calm, and he didn’t let him go. “Tell the nice officer that we were just talking.”

 

“Let me go, Alec.”

 

That was the last straw. With a growl, Alec yanked Edward to his feet. The movement set Bella in action. She raced forward, grabbing Alec by the wrist and twisting. Alec bellowed. With a roar of pain and indignation, he lashed out, not at Edward—who, finding himself loose, had skittered backward—but at Bella. He caught her across the temple, and she fell to the ground. 

 

She was back on her feet before Edward even had her name out. There was a scuffle. Edward yelled at Alec to stop. He yelled at both of them to stop. But at the end, Alec was up against the wall, and Bella was producing cuffs from her back pocket, reading his husband his rights.

 

“Congratulations, asshole,” Bella said, wresting him away from the wall she’d shoved him up against. “We’re going to add assaulting an officer to your rap sheet. I’m going to put you away for a nice, long while.”

**~Jasper~**

Bella called Jasper to let him know he should probably come meet them at the police station. She and Edward were there, giving a statement. She’d had to hang up the phone before Jasper could get a coherent story out of her, so he was frantic by the time he arrived.

 

He found Edward first. He was sitting in a chair, his hand in his hair, slumped over. 

 

“Edward?” 

 

When Jasper called him, Edward stood. Surprisingly, he rushed at Jasper and wrapped his arms around his neck. “H-hey.”

 

“Hey. Hey.” Jasper rubbed his back. “Are you okay?”

 

Edward took a deep breath and stepped backward, wrapping his arms around his shoulders and chafing them. “Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine. Sorry.”

 

Jasper frowned, taking his hand. “Your wrist…” His right wrist was dark purple with finger marks.

 

Edward pulled his hand away, hiding it. “Yeah. He got Bella worse.”

 

Jasper’s eyes went wide. “He did what?”

 

“He put the nail in his coffin, is what he did,” Bella said, appearing out of nowhere. “Let him try to beat these charges now.”

 

Sure enough, she had a hell of a shiner going. “Jesus Christ,” Jasper muttered under his breath. “What the hell happened?”

 

When Edward didn’t volunteer any information, Bella filled in the blanks. “I had today off, so I decided to go see if Edward wanted any company. But you weren’t there.” She patted him lightly on the arm. 

 

Edward cringed and looked down like he was a kid being scolded. Bella frowned, the creases at the corner of her eyes tightening, but she continued her story. “Call it a hunch, call it women’s intuition. I suspected he’d gone back to the house, so I drove by.” Her mouth was set in a thin line, her eyes hard. “I saw them through the window. The big bay window. It was like he had no shame.”

 

“The window,” Edward whispered. If anything, his features blanched whiter, and he swayed in place. “I always kept the blinds closed. I kept them closed, because…”

 

He didn’t have to say the words. Jasper knew. These days, he knew a lot about victims of domestic violence. They were good at hiding the abuse. They were good at lying, good at pretending. Edward had kept the blinds to the big bay window at the front of his house closed because some part of him knew that when his husband hurt him, the neighbors would see if he didn’t. 

 

Clearing her throat, Bella reached out and squeezed Edward’s shoulder. He didn’t cringe this time, but he looked up. “I never thought he would hurt you,” he said to Bella. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I went by myself. That was stupid.”

 

“It’s not stupid to want to believe you’re safe walking into your own house,” Bella said. She squeezed his shoulder again. “I have some paperwork to do. I’ll catch up with you guys, okay?”

 

“We can go?” Jasper asked.

 

Bella nodded. “We have what we need.”

 

When she was gone, Edward shivered. “Alec is an asshole,” he said quietly. 

 

He looked so miserable, as though he’d finally realized that maybe it really was Alec and not him who was the cause of all this nastiness. “He really, really is,” Jasper said, reaching out again carefully. “Come here.”

 

Edward let Jasper draw him in for a hug. This time, he didn’t let go. He let Jasper comfort him for a long, long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: How are we, kids? Breathing?
> 
> **  
> Personal note. For anyone who doesn’t know, I have a new book coming out on Thursday. It’s called Spaces Between Notes, and you can find it on Amazon under my name, Kristina M. Sanchez.**
> 
> **Also, my other three books--Finding Purgatory, One to Tell The Grandkids, and Duplicity are all free for the next five days.**
> 
> **Thank you for your love and support.  
> **


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Happy Monday! (Well, it’s still Sunday where I am).

The hot water felt good on Edward’s sore muscles. He braced his hands on the tile, bowed his head, and just stood for a minute. 

The shower was the only place he felt like he could take a deep breath these days. Just him and the steam, the hot water holding him like loving arms. 

Not that he remembered what that was like. Loving arms.

He turned the water off and stepped out of the shower onto the bathmat. He reached for his towel only to come up against bare counter. He closed his eyes, angry with himself. He’d forgotten his towel. He was just so spaced out and jumpy all the time; he forgot a lot of things. 

Frustrated with himself and the constant anxiety that plagued him, Edward leaned on the counter. He shivered in the cool air as the steam dissipated. 

Loving arms, he thought. How many times had he told himself his husband held him with loving arms? And maybe that was still true. Alec had held him sometimes. Cradled him in his arms, rocking him and kissing his hair. And for those minutes, Edward had felt warm, safe, and cherished.

Or at least, that was what he’d told himself.

Edward opened his eyes. He brushed his fingertips along his right side where the last bruises Alec had left on him were still visible. They were yellow and green, but still there, marring his skin. 

Those bruises would fade. The bruises always did. Edward had a lot of experience with bruises. In the last five years, his body had been littered with them. 

The bruises would fade, but there were marks that wouldn’t. Not ever. 

The first scar his husband had left on him was from an argument—back when Edward still argued. They were in the kitchen. Alec shoved him, and Edward, trying to find something to hold on to, had grabbed a glass on his way to the floor. The glass, still clutched in his hand, shattered, slicing a wide gash from the base of his thumb to the middle of his palm.

“Baby. Shit, baby. Why did you do that? You’re so stupid, Edward. Why would you grab that?” Alec had been frantic. He’d grabbed at Edward’s wrist, holding it tightly like a tourniquet, and wrapped his other arm around him. “It’ll be okay, baby. It’ll all be okay. I have you.”

Edward straightened up and stood to the side. He trailed his fingers over a trio of long, thin scars on his side. They’d been undressing for bed, both of them shirtless. Alec had his belt in his hand when Edward had set him off. He’d hit him with it, belt buckle first, leaving him not only bruised but bloodied. The three thin scars were what was left of the mess he’d been. No hospital that time. The wounds hadn’t been deep enough to need stitches. 

He turned around and looked over his shoulder, catching the reflection of his back in the mirror. High on his shoulder was the perfect outline of teeth—pink now. The bite had still been red, the skin only barely healed over the last time Edward looked at them. That had been the day Alec found out he lied about who Jasper was. It was after he’d already beaten him; when he dragged him to his feet and pushed him over the arm of the couch, intent on proving just who he belonged to.

“You think anyone else would want you?” Alec had snarled when he finally let him go and Edward fell in a heap at his feet. “You’re a pathetic, unfaithful piece of shit.”

And the most recent scars. The gash, still raised and livid, under his hair. The surgery scars that had healed clean and neat. Because his husband had bashed him over the head with the one thing Edward owned, the one thing he treasured more than anything else. 

Even after that, while he stayed with Jasper, terrified with every passing moment that Alec would find him or worse, that he would hurt his friend, Edward still had fleeting moments of doubt. He still thought back to the sweet things Alec did, the times when he held him so tenderly, and thought it wasn’t that bad. His husband loved him, and they could work this out. Maybe this would be what it took for Alec to get better, like he’d promised so many times he would. 

Loving arms. 

It had taken him the better part of the day to realize that what he felt, when he thought about his husband being in jail, was relief. He was relieved because he knew this wasn’t something Alec could talk his way out of. Hitting him—sure. Alec could explain that away. He always had a reason. A lot of those reasons made sense. But hitting a police officer? No, he wasn’t getting out of that one as easily.

Once he recognized it, Edward’s relief had been so profound, he shook with it. He’d turned over and just screamed into his pillow. He screamed because the emotion in him rocked him to the core, and it had nowhere else to go. It wasn’t the kind of relief that merited laughter or cheering. It was the kind of relief that let him actually acknowledge his fear of everything that wasn’t Alec. 

It was then he’d understood he’d been afraid for a long, long time. He was still afraid. Fear was his primary state of being. Before, it had been focused. He was afraid of Alec, constantly walking on eggshells as Jasper had put it. He lived in fear of the next explosion, trying desperately to navigate a minefield blindfolded. 

He was still afraid, but that fear was much different now. It was terror on a whole new level. Alec had made himself Edward’s world, and now that he was gone, everything was unknown. And though he was relieved Alec was gone, he’d longed for the shelter of his loving arms around him. Because for so long, that had been what Edward lived for—that period after the big explosion when Alec was doting and loving, when Edward felt cherished and warm.

It had felt good when Jasper held him at the police station, but that was something Edward couldn’t afford to think about. He added it to the pile of confused thoughts, because wasn’t so much of what Alec said true?

Edward had thought about Jasper, had imagined him riding in like some white knight to take him away from his life. Edward was ungrateful. And a nuisance. And immature. And pathetic. Alec was right about all of that. Edward could see it, feel it.

Right?

Some hours later, Edward sat across from Jasper, poking at the Chipotle burrito bowl he’d brought home for dinner. He thought about the fact that, if Jasper were Alec, he would tell Edward how ungrateful he was. Jasper worked two jobs, went to school, and took care of him, and Edward was going to waste most of this bowl. He wasted so much food. 

He shouldn’t be Jasper’s responsibility. Just because Edward had fixated on him didn’t mean he should be stuck with him.

“Hey, Jasper?”

The other man jumped with a gasp, and Edward realized they’d been sitting in silence for ages. 

Jasper cleared his throat. “What’s up?”

Edward stared down at his bowl, ashamed that he couldn’t be a normal human being. He didn’t know why he was so weak and shaky. “Do you…” He swallowed hard. “Do you really think that Alec lied about my parents?”

Jasper didn’t answer right away. He hummed to acknowledge he’d heard Edward, but he took his time responding. “I don’t know your parents, Edward. I have no idea what they were like when you were sixteen. But long story short? Yes, I think he lied about talking to them. At least I think it’s worth talking to them yourself. Hear whatever they have to say with your own ears and tell your side of the story without Alec’s input.”

Edward continued stirring. His rice was almost mush now. “Jasper?” he said after a long minute.

“Yeah?”

“If I…” Why were the words so hard? Just the words. He wasn’t even doing anything yet. “If I wanted to call them, would you be there when I do?”

Jasper put down his fork and reached out to put his hand over Edward’s. “Yeah. Of course. Whenever you’re ready, I’m here.”

Edward hesitated a moment, then he flipped his hand over and clutched Jasper’s fingers. Maybe it wasn’t loving arms around him, but it meant the world to him all the same.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Eeek. What’s going to happen!?


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: *hand holding*

Jasper asked himself at least forty-two times a day if he was doing the right thing with Edward. Did he say the right things? Did he push him too much or not enough? Who the hell had put him in charge of a traumatized young man?

 

There were few things Jasper knew for a fact in this whole mess of a situation. For instance, Jasper knew that Alec was an asshole. On top of beating Edward black and blue for five years, on top of raping him repeatedly, he’d also committed any number of sins against his naive, young husband. He’d lied, degraded, manipulated, and deceived, to name a few. 

 

None of that meant Edward’s parents, Carlisle and Esme Cullen, were saints. Just because Edward had been handed four lifetimes of hurt in five years didn’t mean he couldn’t be hurt again. 

 

“I should have found them first,” Jasper muttered.

 

“And then what?” Bella asked. “You give them a call and ask them what they would do if their long lost son reappeared?”

 

Jasper grimaced and ran a hand through his hair. “I didn’t have to push him before he was ready.”

 

“You didn’t push him. You asked him a perfectly rational question about where the hell his parents are in all this.”

 

“That’s what I mean.” Jasper made a face. “The more I think about it, the more I wonder why I thought it was a good idea to even mention them. Didn’t they look for him?”

 

“Blah. Okay.” Bella sat forward in her chair. She eyed him. “I’m going to tell you a few simple facts, all right? Since I obviously can’t tell you anything specific about the case.” She tilted her head. “There was a case in Washington, which is the most I can say about that particular case. I’m going to tell you that the age of consent in Washington State is sixteen. At that age, a person can consent to sex with an adult regardless of the age difference between them, so in Washington, an adult having sex with a sixteen year old isn’t a crime. If there was a missing person report filed on a person who is an adult at the time they’re found, the case would be closed.” She tilted her head, her eyes intense on his. “If the adult person didn’t want any information given to the filers of the missing person report, the only thing they would be told was that the case was closed.”

 

Jasper quirked an eyebrow. Then, Edward knew his parents had tried to find him. He’d said no in the hospital, but he’d been half out of his mind at that point. Jasper hung his head in his hands and groaned. “Christ, if I’m this nervous, I can’t even imagine how he feels.”

 

“About ready to throw up, actually.”

 

Jasper and Bella turned in their seats to find Edward in the doorway, his arms crossed over his chest. He shuffled forward and dropped between them on the couch. He tilted his head back so he was staring at the ceiling. “I’ve been thinking about them a lot lately.” He swallowed hard. “I spent a lot of time trying not to think about them, you know?”

 

Bella squeezed his knee, and Jasper twined their fingers together. 

 

“I was thinking if they hated me for disappointing them, for wanting to be a musician instead of a doctor or a lawyer or something useful, that didn’t matter so much.” Edward’s eyes turned glassy. “I’m not a musician, so that’s a moot point. I’m not useful.”

 

“Edward,” Jasper said.

 

“They were good parents. They weren’t bastards.” He took a shaky breath. “At this point, it doesn’t even matter if they hate me for being gay. They should hate me for what I did to them.”

 

“You didn’t—” Jasper began, but Edward’s withering glare cut him off. 

 

“I was the one who ran away. I was the one who left without a word and never called again. I was the one who called them all kinds of names because they had the audacity to think I should have ambitions beyond playing with my guitar. Alec might be guilty of bashing my head in, but he didn’t do anything to them. I did.” He flopped back against the couch again, cheeks tinted red as he stared up at the ceiling like it owed him something.

 

Bella patted his leg. “For what it’s worth, I’ve known a lot of parents at the end of their ropes with their pain in the ass teenagers. And teenagers are all a pain in the ass, okay? At the end of the day, if their kid ran away and came home, all I ever saw was a happy parent.”

 

Edward grunted and didn’t respond.

**~Edward~**

“I want you to know something before we do this,” Jasper said.

 

Edward struggled to parse the words. He was feeling lightheaded. A cold sweat made him shiver. He rubbed the back of his neck. “What?”

 

He was distracted until Jasper scooted close to him, close enough that their legs touched. Jasper took his face in his hands. It had had the effect of focusing Edward’s attention.

 

“I want you to have your parents again,” Jasper said. “But I need you to know it has nothing to do with you being a burden on me. You’re not a burden.”

 

Edward scoffed. “Thats bullshit,” he muttered under his breath.

 

“It isn’t.”

 

“It is.” Edward hesitated a moment. He’d noticed so many times how physical Jasper was. Now, like every other time, he craved touch. It was nice to be touched—just that, without expectation and without violence. And Jasper gave his physical affection out so freely. He sighed and put his hand over Jasper’s against his cheek. “I get that you’re trying to be a good man, a good friend, but I’m a burden. I do nothing but take. That’s the definition of a burden.”

 

“My point is, no matter what happens, you have somewhere to be. We’ll figure it out together, okay?”

 

Edward let his his eyes find Jasper’s. “I know,” he said in a whisper. He didn’t understand why, but he knew it was true. No matter what his parents said, he wasn’t alone.

 

He turned the cell phone over and over in his hands. His fingers were trembling. He trembled a lot.

 

He was so damn sick of being scared.

 

“Do you want me to dial for you?” Jasper asked.

 

Edward scoffed. He wanted to laugh it off. What kind a pathetic person couldn’t dial a simple number.

 

Jasper didn’t make him ask. He took the phone from Edward’s hands and dialed the number. He didn’t press send though. He handed the phone back and put his hand on Edward’s knee. 

 

“My dad’s a doctor,” Edward said, half to himself. “He’s a busy man. A good surgeon. He’s not even going to answer.”

 

The house phone Edward still remembered didn’t work anymore. Bella had gotten two cell phone numbers his parents had left with the police in Washington after they closed their missing person’s case. The first number, his mother’s, had been transcribed wrong. He’d gotten a disconnected number message. That left his father.

 

Edward’s hands shook. “I bet my brother’s on Facebook. I could send him a message.”

 

Jasper nodded slowly. “You could do that.”

 

For some reason, that answer made Edward angry. No one here was ever going to call him out on being ridiculous.

 

Then again, he seemed to recall his father was good at that.

 

Edward closed his eyes. He felt dizzy. He breathed in and out. Without opening his eyes, he pressed send and lifted the phone to his ear. It rang once. Twice. Three times.

 

“This is Dr. Cullen.”

 

Edward’s breath left him in a gust. Nothing could have prepared him for how it felt to hear his father’s voice. It was as even and gentle as he remembered. 

 

Carlisle Cullen was known for his gentle bedside manner. In fact, the only time Edward had ever heard him lose his temper was shortly before he’d run off. Up until that whole last year, Edward hadn’t known it was possible to get his father to lose his cool.

 

Edward’s heart ached. His head, his heart, his very soul—all of it had been in varying states of pain for longer than Edward could remember, but this was different. He started to shake in earnest.

 

“Hello?” his father said.

 

Tears pushed by his closed eyelids. “Dad?” He whispered the word so softly, it almost didn’t exist. 

 

There was a pause on the other end. “Edward?”

 

Edward’s voice was caught in his throat in a painful lump. He opened his mouth, but he couldn’t speak.

 

“Edward? Son? Is that you?”

 

Jasper’s hand on his shoulder made Edward jump, and that made him breathe—another loud gust. 

 

“Talk to me. Edward, please.”

 

“D-dad. Yeah, it’s… It’s me.”

 

“God. Holy god.” His father’s voice shook. 

 

Edward wrapped his free arm around himself. He had no idea how much he wanted to be home. He wanted to be in his father’s embrace. He wanted his mother’s kiss against his hair. He wanted it so much he thought he was going to choke on the need. “Dad?” he said again, because he wasn’t sure if he could believe it. 

 

“I’m here. I’m right here.” A beat. “Where are you? How are you? They closed your case. The police… they said….” His father huffed. “I don’t know what they said. I don’t give a damn either. I need to… Can you hold on? Please? Let me call your mother. I need to call your mother. Shit.”

 

Edward’s eyes went wide. His father was cursing. And stumbling. 

 

“I’m so scared if I try to get your mother on the line, you’ll be gone by the time I click back,” his father whispered.

 

“I won’t be. I swear.”

 

“Okay. Just hold on one more second. Please.”

 

“Dad?” Edward said quickly.

 

“Yes?”

 

Edward realized belatedly he had Jasper’s hand in a death grip. He tried to pull his hand back, but Jasper held him fast. His heart was pounding so hard. 

 

“Aren’t you mad at me?” His voice cracked.

 

“Oh, Edward. No. No, no.” His father sighed. “It’s been five years. Five years without you. No, I’m not mad. I love you, son. That’s all that matters.”

 

“Okay,” Edward said shakily.

 

“I’m going to get your mom on the phone.”

 

“Okay.”

 

A beat. “Please don’t hang up.”

 

“I won’t. I promise.”

 

“Okay.”

 

Edward waited for the click, then he slumped against Jasper. He turned his face into his friend’s shoulder and let out a sharp sob.

 

“You’re okay. It’s okay,” Jasper said, rocking him a bit.

 

There was another click on the phone, and Edward sat bolt upright. He held his breath.

 

“Carlisle? What’s this about? You’re scaring me.”

 

Edward let out a small cry, unable to help himself. He clapped his free hand over his mouth. 

 

“What was that?” Esme asked.

 

“Edward?” his father said. “Are you still there?”

 

His mother gasped. “Edward?”

 

“Yeah.” Edward sucked in a gulp of air, trying to calm himself. “I’m here.”

 

“Oh my god. Oh my god. My boy?”

 

And Edward couldn’t hold it in anymore. He started to cry. He started to cry, and he couldn’t stop.

 

“Shhhh, baby boy. Shhh,” his mother crooned. “It’s all going to be all right.”

 

“We’re right here, son,” Carlisle said. “We’re right here.”

 

They were crying too; he could tell. They were crying, but they were also focused on comforting him. His whole body screamed to be home, in their arms. It only made him cry harder.

 

His parents comforted him. Jasper held him and rocked him and ran his fingers through his hair. 

 

And maybe Edward started to believe all of them. It would be all right. He wasn’t sure how yet, but he believed them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: How are we doing, kids?


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I think it's high time for a lot of hugs for our boy, yes?

“This is...ah. This is…”

 

“The word you’re looking for is an airport,” Edward said. 

 

Jasper looked at him. He was smiling. A goofy kind of grin he’d never seen. But as much as Jasper wanted to revel in that, to figure out what the hell had prompted it; for once, it was his anxiety that was off the charts. “How are you so calm about this?” He huffed, looking around as he put his shoes back on. “I guess you’re used to traveling.”

 

“Uhhh…” Edward craned his neck, looking at the security checkpoint they’d just gotten through. He plopped down beside Jasper and whispered in his ear. “I’m more than a little high right now.” He pulled back and offered another lopsided smile. “I’m uh… I’m really, really relaxed.”

 

In spite of his own problems, Jasper had to laugh. “You didn’t bring any for the class?”

 

“No, I…” Edward’s face fell. “I’m sorry. That was really fucking stupid and selfish of me.”

 

Jasper’s heart twisted. He wanted to kick himself, though rationally he knew he hadn’t said anything wrong. “It’s no big deal. You weren’t being selfish.”

 

“But I should have been able to figure it out. You’ve been so nervous about the flight. I don’t know why I didn’t offer—”

 

Jasper reached out and squeezed his shoulder. “I was teasing.” He took a deep breath and reminded himself that people flew every day. This wasn’t as hard and overwhelming as it seemed, especially since they’d gotten past security. “Let’s just find our gate, okay?”

 

“We should have flown out of Long Beach,” Edward said. “Or John Wayne. I love flying out of Long Beach because you couldn’t ask for a simpler airport. Springing LAX on a first timer wasn’t a great idea.”

 

“Yeah, well. They had the cheapest last minute tickets.”

 

“Have I thanked you, by the way?” Edward asked, his voice quiet. “For going with me. I know it’s a chore.”

 

Jasper pulled up short so he could look at his friend. “It’s no chore, especially since your parents footed the bill. It’s just going to take me a minute to get my bearings, is all. I’ve never been further than Sacramento, and I drove there, you know?”

 

“I can’t imagine that. Never leaving the state.” They started walking again. “It sucks that this has to be your first trip. I’m sorry.”

 

Jasper shook his head. “Are you kidding? Do you know how beautiful this is?” He looked over and tried to catch Edward’s eye, but he was looking at the ground. “This is television movie stuff, Edward. I’ll get to be there for the reunion scene. The way I figure it, that’s got to be better than whatever else is out there. The Grand Canyon, whatever.”

 

Edward was quiet. He didn’t speak again until they’d found a seat at their gate. “You really think it’s going to work out well?”

 

Jasper put an arm around him and held him close, knowing he needed the comfort. “You’re going home, Edward. You know that, right?”

 

His face drained slightly of color. He stared forward and didn’t answer.

 

“I’m going to get some coffee, okay? See if that’ll calm me down.” Jasper rubbed his shoulder. 

 

Edward snorted. “You’re going to drink coffee to calm down?”

 

“Hey. It works in my head.”

**~O~**

The flight to Seattle was surprising for two reasons. The first—Jasper discovered he loved flying. Edward had been sitting in the window seat, but he quickly switched when Jasper kept leaning over him. 

 

Turned out the world, when viewed from above anyway, was nothing but beautiful.

 

The second surprise was Edward. Jasper had prepared himself to deal with an anxiety-ridden Edward. He was at least a hundred and twelve kinds of nervous about seeing his parents, his brother, and sister again. He’d gone through so many what-if scenarios in the day and a half from when he’d called to them catching this flight that Jasper had actually gotten tetchy, as much as he tried not to.

 

Rather than spend the flight wringing his hands, Edward had passed out almost as soon as the in-flight demonstration was over. Even now, he was asleep, his head tilted on Jasper’s shoulder. 

 

When Jasper turned his head to see if Edward had heard the announcement that they were beginning their initial descent, he was surprised to find his face so close. He was struck by his beauty. He really was a beautiful man—the lines of his face perfect. He looked so carefree in sleep, his lips parted ever so slightly. 

 

A wave of dizziness washed over him. Dizziness...or was it longing?

 

“Oh, don’t start that,” Jasper muttered out loud to himself. But he reached over and brushed his fingers through Edward’s hair anyway. It was soft, and Edward sighed when he did it. Such a contented sound. 

 

Jasper closed his eyes, counted to ten, and tried again. “Hey.” He patted Edward’s knee. “Wake up. We’re about to land.”

 

Edward’s eyes opened slowly. Jasper had the sudden image of waking up to this—Edward’s sleepy blinks in the early morning light. The image got more defined when his friend—his traumatized friend, he reminded himself—smiled at him. It was a tender smile. The kind of smile shared by lovers when they woke up side by side in the morning. “Hmm?” he asked.

 

“Landing.” Jasper cleared his throat. “We’re landing.” He gestured with his head out the window. “Is that Mount Rainier?”

 

Edward craned his head, stretching over Jasper to look out the window. “Yeah. Yeah, it is.” He pulled back and rubbed at his eyes. “Fuck,” he muttered under his breath.

 

“What’s wrong?”

 

“Nothing.” Edward’s shoulders slumped a little, and he kept his hands over his eyes. He made a disgruntled kind of sound. He muttered something under his breath.

 

“What did you say?” Jasper asked, his hand on Edward’s back.

 

“I said, I didn’t know I’d missed it.” He raised his head and leaned over Jasper again, looking out. “It’s so green. I forgot how green it was.”

 

His face was so close again. Jasper had the weird urge to kiss his cheek. His lips. His…

 

“It’s going to be okay,” Jasper said, because it was clear from the way Edward was gnawing on his lip that he needed to hear it.

 

“Yeah.” Edward’s hand found his. He squeezed. “Yeah. It’ll be fine.” He’d begun bouncing his leg. “Do you think they’re here?”

 

Jasper had to laugh. “Edward, they were so eager that I wouldn’t be surprised if they slept at the airport last night. You had a hell of a time convincing them not to get on a plane that night.”

 

Edward hummed, but he didn’t answer. He busied himself with checking his carry on, unzipping it and rezipping it. He jumped a mile when the flight attendant told him he had to stow his luggage beneath his seat. His leg bounced out of control.

 

“I thought we were landing,” Edward said. “Do you think something’s wrong?”

 

Jasper’s stomach did a loop. He looked outside. Nothing was on fire. “Nothing’s wrong. This is all normal.”

 

“How would you know?”

 

“Because everyone else is calm.”

 

Edward looked around. “Right.”

 

Fifteen agonizing minutes later, they were on the ground. Three minutes after that, they were at the gate. Six minutes after that, they were off the plane.

 

They hadn’t gotten ten feet away from the gate before Edward stopped. Jasper put a hand to his back, realizing he was deathly pale, his shoulders rose and fell sharply. “I, um…” He put a fist to his lips. “I think I’m going to throw up.”

 

“Okay. Okay.” Jasper took his arm and tried to get him moving. “Come on. The bathroom is over here. Let’s try to get there, okay?”

 

“No.” Edward shook his head. He closed his eyes and breathed deeply. “No. I think I’ve got it.” He bent slightly and shook his head again. “Tell me my parents are waiting for me.”

 

Jasper rubbed his back. “Your parents are waiting for you. They’ve been waiting for five years. And so have you.”

 

Edward breathed out in a gust. “Yeah.” He nodded and started walking again. “Yeah.” They started walking again.

 

It took a few minutes before Jasper realized they were walking fast. Edward stopped short when they got to the escalator. He let a small crowd pass. He took a deep breath and got on.

 

Carlisle and Esme Cullen were standing at the bottom of the escalator, just far enough to be out of the way of the departing passengers. Jasper would have known them anywhere even if Edward hadn’t shown him a picture. They were scanning every person, their heads moving in a weird sort of tandem. But when they saw their son, it was like watching the very first dawn on Earth. They were breathless and awed. The world was awed. Time, for a split second, stood still.

 

Beside him, Edward made a weird, whining noise. He stumbled forward, anything but graceful. In fact, it was so clumsy, Jasper thought he was falling. He lurched to grab him, but Edward was already gone. He ran down the steps. He ran so fast, he clipped the people at the bottom as he shouldered past. His parents’ arms opened wide, and he ran right into them.

 

They folded in on themselves, Carlisle and Esme clasping their son between them, swallowing him. 

 

Jasper stepped off the escalator, moved to the side, and just watched. He’d been right. It didn’t matter where he traveled after this. It would always be the most beautiful thing he’d ever witnessed.

**~Edward~**

The car ride was interesting. Awkward, but not bad. Edward’s mother sat in the back with him and held his hand the whole way. 

 

Edward liked the touching. He liked the way his mother rubbed his knuckles with the pad of her thumb. Her skin was soft. He remembered watching her methodically rub cream into her hands when he was a little boy. When he tried, he always made a mess. But she would laugh, take his tiny hands in her large—to him—ones. “You were just helping me, weren’t you, baby boy?” Then, she would spread the cream on her arms and his. 

 

He tilted his head to rest on her shoulder.

 

They made small talk as they drove, safe talk. Edward’s brother Emmett was married now with a little boy named Henry and a daughter on the way. Alice, Edward’s elder sister, was just a year older than Edward and in school in New York City. She was flying in the next day to see him.

 

They asked Jasper about what he did, where he came from, and his plans for the future. Edward was mostly quiet, smiling to himself when his parents expressed admiration for Jasper’s hard work and perseverance. Poor Jasper stuttered and blushed his way through a thank you.

 

The air was thick with everything that wasn’t being said and asked.

 

When they pulled up to his parents’ house Edward wanted to cry again. For years, he’d convinced himself he was miserable in this house, but it wasn’t true. Mostly, he’d been happy. A happy little kid. A pain in the ass, sarcastic, and cocky teenager.

 

Beside him, his mother squeezed his hand. 

 

As Edward got out of the car, the door to the house opened. His brother stood there, and Edward froze.

 

Emmett, twenty-one when Edward left, had always been exasperated with Edward. He’d thought he was melodramatic and angsty. They’d had a lot of fights.

 

A huge grin spread over Emmett’s face. In the next second, he was loping across the lawn. 

 

Rationally, Edward had seen him grin. In his head, though, alarm bells went off. Emmett was fast, big, and strong. Emmett didn’t like him. As he came toward him, Edward jerked backward, hitting his back against the edge of the open car door.

 

“Edward,” his father said with a gasp. 

 

“Whoa,” Emmett said. “I didn’t touch him. Edward, I was just—”

 

“It’s okay,” said Carlisle, holding a hand out to his eldest son. “Give him a little room, okay, Em?”

 

Edward blinked. His vision was spotty. He was breathing hard. He was aware everyone was looking at him. Carlisle was on his one side, Jasper on his other. He shook his head hard, trying to clear it. “Sorry.” He gasped for breath. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean… I’m sorry.”

 

It had already been such an overwhelming day. 

 

Emmett, though he looked shaken, smiled again. “Let’s try that again.” He offered a hand slowly. “Hey, Bro.”

 

In spite of his embarrassment and the shouting voice of self-recrimination in his head, Edward smiled. Just a little. He took his brother’s hand. Emmett squeezed. “It’s good to see you.”

 

“Yeah,” Edward said with a slight rasp. He cleared his throat and tried to stand up straighter. “Hi.”

 

“Come on.” Carlisle rubbed Edward’s back. “Let’s all get inside.”

 

Edward kept his head down, but he smiled again at his father’s gentle but sure voice. He herded his family inside, one hand on Edward’s shoulder, the other holding hands with his wife. 

 

Inside, though, Edward found that his father, even tempered though he was, was still intimidating as hell. When he looked up, Edward’s breath caught in his throat. There was kindness in Carlisle’s eyes, patience, but also something that looked a lot like betrayal. And then he asked the question Edward had been dreading.

 

“I just want to understand. I promise no one is mad at you, son, but why?”

 

With Jasper literally holding his hand, Edward managed to explain. It sounded stupid and petty to his own ears. How he wanted nothing more than to make music, and how he felt he disappointed them at every turn.

 

In the end, Esme covered her face with her hands and Carlisle’s shoulders slumped. Edward stopped talking, shocked and dismayed. “I’m sorry,” he said.

 

“Don’t apologize,” Esme said. “We were too hard on you.”

 

“You weren’t.”

 

“We were,” Carlisle said. He shook his head, his expression sorrowful. “It seemed obvious back then. You have such a brilliant mind, Edward. You played so beautifully, but it seemed like such a waste to study. You go to school for something practical. It doesn’t keep you from pursuing your music in your off time.”

 

“Yeah, dude, in their defense, it drove us all nuts,” Emmett said, obviously trying to keep the tone lighter. “I had to struggle to get through every class, and there you were, acing everything, about to go into what… six AP classes? And all you wanted to do was play the guitar.”

 

“But if we’d known it was that or lose you…” Esme’s voice cracked.

 

“It’s not your fault,” Edward said, looking at the ground. “It’s mine. I was the one…” A wave of nausea overtook him, and he had to stop to take a few deep breaths. 

 

His parents didn’t know much to that point. They knew he’d been with Alec all this time, that they were married and estranged. They didn’t know why. Shame choked Edward, but Jasper’s hand on his knee helped ground him. 

 

Still, Edward couldn’t look up as he began to speak again. “Once I started listening to Alec, there wasn’t anything you could have done.”

 

And then, he told his parents the whole story.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Shout out to Mina for all she does for me...including posting this chappy!


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hey, guys. Let’s do this thing.

Jasper couldn’t sleep. The day had been too emotionally heavy. Overwhelmingly good, but also just plain overwhelming. And he was just an outsider. He wasn’t the prodigal son returned. He wasn’t the parents who had agonized over their son’s safety. He wasn’t even the brother who had “hated” Edward on the principle of sibling rivalry only to regret every fight they’d ever had. He was just the friend with the bad habit of empathizing with everyone in the room. 

 

It should have been exhausting. Honestly, he thought perhaps he was so tired he was beyond sleep.

 

Around two in the morning, Jasper gave up. He got out of bed and stepped carefully out into the hallway. He stopped outside Edward’s room and listened. As always, the other man surprised him. He’d spent the last two months either sleeping too much or too little. His first night in his old bed, he’d fallen asleep hard, apparently. When he couldn’t sleep, he was restless. He walked around. His room now was silent.

 

Jasper continued down the hallway and down the stairs. He was on his way to the kitchen when a movement in the living room startled him. “Gah!”

 

There was the clink of ice against glass and then the light turned on, revealing a bleary-eyed Carlisle Cullen in his arm chair. “Sorry.” He took a sip from his drink. “I’d imagine I make a pretty picture, don’t I? Sitting here in the dark in the middle of the night.” He sighed. “Will you have a drink with me?”

 

“Ah, yeah.” Awkward though the notion was, Jasper found he couldn’t say no. Anyway, a drink sounded great.

 

Carlisle stood, a little unsteady, and waved a hand. “Come on.”

 

Jasper followed him into the kitchen. They had a look at the contents of the fridge and decided screwdrivers and grilled cheese sandwiches were the perfect cure for a sleepless night. Some minutes later, they sat across from each other at the kitchen table. 

 

“You like my son,” Carlisle said after a tense few seconds of silence. 

 

Jasper looked up. He finished chewing and swallowed before he answered. “Of course. We’ve been good friends for a while now.”

 

Carlisle scrubbed a hand over his face. “I’m sorry.” He gave a wry laugh. “I don’t know how to deal with this…” He gestured at his chest helplessly.

 

“It’s confusing, isn’t it?” Jasper said carefully. He’d been reading between the lines of what Carlisle, Esme, and Emmett said all day. 

 

“Confusing. Yes. I should…” Carlisle swallowed hard and took another long sip of his drink. “I’m relieved. You can’t imagine what it is to have him here in front of me. To see him with my own eyes. Not to have to wonder ever again if he died a horrible death and his body is somewhere no one would ever find.” His voice trembled.

 

“He’s here, but he’s not whole,” Jasper guessed again when Carlisle went silent.

 

Again, Edward’s father scrubbed his hands over his face, this time wiping away tears that gathered at the corners of his eyes. “He’s not him. I don’t think you understand. My boy is incredibly stubborn and proud. Arrogant, even. Forward. He has this dark and wicked sense of humor, and an analytical mind. He’s not this... small.”

 

Carlisle groaned, shaking his head. “No. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. That was a terrible thing to say.”

 

“I don’t think it was,” Jasper said. His heart ached for this whole, shattered family. “He’s different now than when I first met him. He was quiet and withdrawn, but when you got him talking, you could tell he was smart. Seeing him like this, after he left Alec, has been hard for me, so I can’t imagine what this is like for you.”

 

Carlisle stared forward, his red eyes unfocused and filled with a pain Jasper couldn’t fathom. He finished the drink and pushed the glass away from him. “We never knew what happened. Sixteen-year-old kid takes off after a fight with his parents...It’s not an uncommon story. The police said that he’d call. Maybe he’d be halfway across the country, but he’d get scared, and he’d call. They weren’t too concerned.

 

“He didn’t call. None of his friends had seen him.” His hand, on the table, clenched into a fist. “We talked to his friends first. Then his teachers. I didn’t think much about the fact his guitar tutor had moved. People have their own lives, after all. In fact, I figured that might have been one of his last straws. I know he admired the man. God knows, he could never stop talking about him, but that was in the midst of all things music. He thought that his mother and I were being unreasonable, and then he learned that his guitar lessons would have to stop. How long was that monster putting things in his head?”

 

By the end of his monologue, Carlisle’s teeth were clenched hard. His knuckles were white. The man had been so soft-spoken and gentle all day, Jasper was almost frightened of him now. 

 

Carlisle let out a breath in a gust, and his shoulders slumped. “All the horrible things I’d imagined, and I was the one that let that man into our home. And now my baby boy is scared and scarred. Those scars...” The edge came back to his voice, and his eyes flashed. “The things that man—his husband—did to him. He was a monster, and he had my son to himself for years.”

 

“You couldn’t have known,” Jasper said.

 

“I should have.” The words came out as a growl, Carlisle’s eyes fierce on him.

 

Jasper ducked his head, and Carlisle sighed. “I’m sorry,” the older man said. “I shouldn’t be taking this out on you.”

 

“It’s okay.” Jasper crossed his arms, chilled despite his warm sleep clothes. “I had to watch him walk away once, knowing he was going back to a man who had hurt him before and would hurt him again.” Now, it was Jasper's turn to swallow the painful lump in his throat. “I didn't know it was possible to feel that helpless. And then I didn’t see him for a long time before he showed up at my house, covered in blood.”

 

They both shuddered. Carlisle rubbed his temples. “You're a good man, Jasper. Not everyone would have done what you did for Edward. So thank you.”

 

“Carlisle?”

 

Both Jasper and Carlisle turned to see Esme standing in the entrance to the kitchen, her robe cinched tightly around herself. “Where did you go?” she asked her husband.

 

“I’m sorry, love. I…” Carlisle looked between the empty glass on the table and shook his head, obviously trying to sober up quickly. “I didn’t mean…”

 

His wife came to sit beside him. Her smile was sad as she took his face in his hands. “It’s okay. I understand.” She traced his cheeks with her thumbs. “We have to lay our boy to rest, don’t we? The boy he was. The man he would have been. We have to mourn him, so we can love the beautiful man he is.”

 

Carlisle leaned forward, letting his wife gather him into her arms. He rested his head against her breast and wrapped his arms around her waist. Jasper slipped quietly away, leaving them to their shared grief for the man he would never know.

**~Edward~**

For years, Edward had coveted physical affection. 

 

When things were good with Alec, his husband had been so good at physical affection. He could be so cruel and harsh, but when he was holding Edward, he was so tender. 

 

Those were the moments Edward lived for. He’d spent so much of his life thinking if only he could be good enough, deserving enough, he would have those moments. If he could be better, then Alec wouldn’t have a reason to be so angry, and those good days, when Alec would hold him, rubbing his back and kissing his cheeks, would be the norm. 

 

It hadn’t occurred to him, in nearly six years, that the other stuff—the walking on eggshells, the fear, the uncertainty, the screaming, the berating, the abuse—had been the norm. The rare moments of affection were what kept him complacent for so long. Of course his husband cared for him. Why else would he touch him like that? Why else would it feel so good?

 

So going home to his family had been a shock to his system. He’d forgotten how physically demonstrative they all were. His father ruffled his hair, squeezed his shoulder, put an arm around him. His mother hugged him what seemed like once every fifteen minutes. Even Emmett touched him, though he was careful about it after the first time. He gave Edward’s back a healthy whack, poked his ribs to tease him, and bumped his shoe with his. 

 

Then Alice. When Alice got home, she’d wrapped herself around Edward’s waist and had hardly let go for hours. He liked that she was small and still fit tucked under his arm. His heart ached—he’d forgotten how close he and Alice had been once upon a time—but it was a good pain. Bittersweet in some ways, but good because he was beginning to understand that nothing could take their affection away.

 

Finally, there was little Henry. 

 

When Edward thought about his family, it hadn’t ever occurred to him that his elder brother might be married. Every once in awhile, he imagined that Alice might have wandered into a whirlwind romance, but Emmett? He wasn’t the settled type. 

 

That had been surreal. Emmett came over again the morning after Edward arrived with his family in tow. He’d looked so happy and proud introducing his statuesque wife—one of those ethereal beauties who looked perfect even carrying a ponderously big belly—and his boy. Henry had his father’s dark curls, huge smile, and rambunctious nature. He clambered over everyone, accepting Edward instantly as part of the big jungle-gym of life. 

 

“Unca.” Henry grabbed Edward’s pant leg and hauled himself up on his lap before his uncle could offer assistance. “Look.” He opened his hand to reveal a small fire truck. 

 

“That’s great. I had one of those. I think,” Edward said, amused that the boy sounded so proud.

 

“Wanna play?”

 

Beside Edward, Alice gave the boy a gentle push. “Your uncle and I are talking. Go find Jasper. He’s the one who’s tall with hair like your mom, remember?”

 

“Oh, yeah.” Henry brightened at this. Jasper had won him over hours before by dangling him upside down by his ankles. “I find him.”

 

“What were you saying?” Alice asked, bumping Edward’s shoulder with hers.

 

Edward sighed, looking down at his lap, at his clenched fists. “I’m angry.”

 

“At what?”

 

“At what I missed.” He clenched and relaxed his fists sporadically. “Birthdays and Christmases. Emmett’s wedding. Henry being born. You becoming some kind of tailor genius. I mean, what the fuck, Alice. You make your own clothes?”

 

“Well, I couldn’t find what I wanted on the rack.”

 

Edward huffed. “I’m so angry at him for lying to me.”

 

“Yeah. I’m angry, too. I don’t blame you.”

 

“Being angry at Alec is hard for me,” Edward said quietly.

 

She laid her head on his shoulder and squeezed his knee. “Stick with us, kiddo. We’ll show you how it’s done. Because we aren’t going to stop being angry at your dickhead husband for a long, long time.”

**~0~**

As the second night approached, Edward knew he had to talk to Jasper. His parents had paid for them both to come north to Washington, and Jasper was welcome to stay, but he’d already missed too much work. If they were going back to California, it had to be before the end of the weekend. 

 

He found Jasper in the guest room after dinner, his laptop open. He was finishing up homework for one of his classes, but he set it aside when Edward came in the room. 

 

“Hey,” Edward said, feeling strangely shy and not-so-strangely guilty as he sat beside his friend.

 

“Hey.” Jasper quirked an eyebrow, studying him with an amused look on his face. “Are you coming in here to tell me that you’re going to stay here when I go back tomorrow?”

 

Edward ducked his head. “I... they want me to stay.”

 

“And you want to stay,” Jasper said, not asking.

 

Edward nodded anyway.

 

“I already knew that.” Jasper reached out and cupped a hand behind Edward’s neck. His fingers dug into the flesh there, massaging a tense spot between his shoulders. “I told you before we got here, Edward. I knew you were coming home.”

 

Edward closed his eyes and tilted his head to the side as Jasper’s fingers continued working his muscles. “Yeah, you’re right. It’d be a relief to be rid of me.”

 

Jasper’s fingers stopped, lingering at the back of Edward’s neck. “Look at me.” 

 

For a split second, Edward panicked. He recalled vividly Alec saying those words to him—usually when Edward was too scared to look at him without being ordered to. But Jasper wasn’t Alec. His voice was a whisper, a plea where Alec’s had been a command, harsh and biting.

 

Edward raised his head. He was surprised to find Jasper’s head so close to his. His friend had leaned in so he could talk softly. “You were never a chore, Edward. I think you should stay with your family, not because I want to be rid of you, but because I think you need to be surrounded by love for a while. I think you need to know you have more than me and Bella on your team.”

 

Jasper took Edward’s hand with his free one and twined their fingers together. “It’s not going to be goodbye, okay? I care about you too much for that. You’re important to me. Do you understand that?”

 

Edward had no idea what the hell he was thinking in that moment; what made him do it. He tilted his head, closing the small distance between their mouths and kissed him. He felt Jasper’s gasp on his lips and pressed hard, wanting.

 

Just as quickly, he pulled back. “I’m sorry. I don’t know—”

 

But Jasper, his hand still cupped around the back of Edward’s neck, pulled him forward again and kissed him. His kiss, at first, was just as hard as Edward’s had been, but he backed off quickly. He didn’t pull away; he just made the kiss something sweeter—less desperate. His fingers were soft in Edward’s hair. 

 

Edward wrapped his arms around his waist, giving himself over to what he was feeling. Electricity shot in waves up and down his spine. How long had he wanted this?

 

They parted only when they were breathless, and even then, Jasper didn’t let him go. He tilted his head against his, hot breath mingling with Edward’s own.

 

“It’s not goodbye,” Jasper said again. He lifted his head up. The look in his eyes—so tender—made Edward want to cry. Jasper brushed his fingers down his cheek. “You and I have a lot to say to each other, I think. There’s more to this story. But right now, you gotta get your feet under you. Get your family back. And I’m going to finish school.”

 

He leaned in, pressing a chaste kiss to Edward’s lips. “It’s not goodbye. You need me, and I’m going to be here in a minute. You always have somewhere to go with me. Do you understand?”

 

Edward nodded, the knot in his throat making it impossible to speak. 

 

Jasper smiled then. A beautiful, intimate smile. He brushed the tip of Edward’s nose with his. “I’m glad you found me, Edward. You know?”

 

Edward smiled. “Yeah,” he whispered. “I am, too.”

 

“You’re going to be okay,” Jasper said, hugging him.

 

“Yeah,” Edward said. “I know.”

 

He was surprised to find he believed it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: :)


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Mew!

Before Jasper left, Esme had shown him a photo album she’d put together—all of her favorite pictures of Edward. She let him see the Edward he’d never known.

There was their first photo—Esme and Carlisle’s heads bent together over the bundle in her arms. Though it was obvious she’d been through hell and back that day, Esme’s smile was radiant in the photo, her eyes shining as she looked down on her newborn son. Carlisle’s arms held them both close, his smile adoring and proud.

Then the rest. There were pictures of two toddlers—Irish twins staring up at their big brother with the kind of worship only tiny children were capable of. The three children fallen down in the snow, their cheeks burned red from the icy wind, and smiles of unadulterated joy on their faces. Edward—maybe four, staring up at the camera with wide, curious eyes, one finger pointed at a jar between his legs and the caterpillar inside. Edward at six or so, next to Alice, both of them covered head to toe in mud and caught in the act of giggling their fool heads off. 

There were pictures of the family together. Of Edward leaning across the table in conversation with his father—he looked about ten in that picture. There were school photos. Esme told Jasper that Edward had always insisted on dressing up on school picture day. Really dressing up. Shirt and tie like his daddy. 

Edward was twelve, and his easy smile had turned into something that reeked of sarcasm, pulled up at one corner of his mouth. He was thirteen, and he smirked at the camera. In another photo, his head was thrown back in laughter—an expression Jasper had never seen on his adult face.

He had never seen Edward that free.

Year by year, Jasper watched their family change, the children grow, until the album stopped when Edward was sixteen. 

There were other photos somewhere; he knew that without anyone having to tell him. At some point, they started taking pictures again at family gathers, started documenting life without their son and brother. At some point, they all started to smile again for vacations, holidays, birthdays, graduations, proms, Emmett’s wedding, and the birth of his child. It wasn’t the same, but it was happiness.

It broke Jasper’s heart a million times over. But he was there when Esme printed out a picture Jasper had taken with the family’s digital camera. He was there when she, with trembling fingers, added it to the end of the album. It was a picture of Edward the day before surrounded by every member of his family. He was so changed from the boy he’d been; even Jasper could see that. His shoulders were hunched and his smile painfully uncertain. His eyes were dimmer. His face was gaunt. He looked frail.

But he was loved. Treasured. Adored. And that too was clear on every face that surrounded him.

**~O~**

Time passed.

Jasper spoke with Edward often, keeping up with him through chat after his parents bought him a phone—no restrictions—and his siblings had filled it with all the apps he’d had no need for when he didn’t have friends.

Thank goodness they lived in the day and age of social media. Emmett, Alice, even Esme and Carlisle weren’t shy about posting pictures. Edward had started a Facebook—set to private—and, Jasper could cyber stalk him to his heart’s content. 

Not to be creepy, but there were things Jasper could see that Edward wouldn’t have been able to tell him. The change his family drew out of him was nothing short of astounding. Little by little, the painful uncertainty etched on his face softened into something cautious but lighter. There was one photo—Edward on his belly on a bed next to Henry, both of their legs up in the air as they looked over a huge picture book—where he looked downright relaxed. 

Slowly, a small, genuine smile began to tug at his mouth. Slowly, he started to look at the camera more when someone was taking pictures. Slowly, his shoulders didn’t hunch as much, and his posture didn’t radiate defensive defeat. He was getting better, losing the skeletal look. He’d told Jasper that Esme had a penchant for filling him with large, warm meals. 

Slowly, he was being woven back into the tapestry of his family. He was a son, a brother, an uncle. He reappeared in family photos as though the album was only missing a few pages. He was finding happiness again.

Which wasn’t to say he didn’t have bad days. 

I’m useless, he wrote to Jasper one day, the text coming up while he was in class. 

You’re not.

What else do you call it? They all have jobs. I don’t know where to start. 

You haven’t seen your family in five years. Damn close to six. It was time for an extended vacation.

Vacation from what?

“Hell,” Jasper muttered to himself.

I know you don’t want to hear it, but getting better is a full time job sometimes. Just...get better.

About a month after Edward went home, he got word that Alec was going to plead guilty to spousal abuse in exchange for the DA dropping the additional charge of assaulting an officer. It meant Edward didn’t have to testify in person. He was allowed to write a letter to accompany the statement he’d given the police and the pictures of his injuries.

Alec was sentenced to eighteen months. Not nearly enough, by Jasper’s estimation, but it gave them time. Time to plan and time for Edward to get stronger.

It took another month and a half before he filed for divorce.

“It’s not that I’m thinking about going back to him,” Edward said when he and Jasper talked on the phone. “I know… I know better now.”

Edward had been surprisingly easy to talk into therapy. It helped. It all helped.

“So what’s the problem?” Jasper asked.

There was a long silence on the other end. Edward sighed. “Twenty-two and divorced,” he said flatly. “I feel like a failure.”

Jasper scoffed. “This whole idea that marriage is something you either fail at or succeed at is bullshit to begin with. Look, Edward. Even if Alec had been the best husband ever, what were the odds you knew enough about yourself to pick the person you wanted to spend the rest of your life with when you were sixteen? Sometimes, no amount of work can save a relationship that’s better off over.

“And that’s all beside the point anyway. You didn’t fail. Your jackoff, asshole, scumbag of a husband...Well…”

“I was there,” Edward said wryly. “And I’m still the one who has to call myself divorced. It’s on every single form I’ll fill out from now until I die. I don’t get to be single. I get to be divorced.”

“Not forever,” Jasper corrected. Edward made a noncommittal grunting noise. 

This was dangerous territory. They hadn’t talked about them since the night before he left. On the one hand, the last thing Jasper wanted to do was confuse Edward when he was working out some truly heavy issues. On the other hand, he had the sneaking suspicion that Edward’s squirrely little brain was working overtime to convince himself that Alec was right about one thing—no one could love a fuck-up like him.

The thing was, the more time went on, the more Jasper was positive he was in love with Edward Scarpinato nee Cullen. 

Edward sighed again and spoke before Jasper had a chance. “But then it’s over, right?”

“What’s over?” Jasper asked, the tiniest bit panicked.

“If my marriage is over...it’s over, isn’t it? I won’t be his anymore. I won’t be his battered spouse.” The last two words came out bitter. “I’ll just be Edward Cullen again. Edward Cullen, twenty-three and divorced.”

“Better than being his punching bag again,” Jasper said carefully.

To his surprise, Edward huffed—almost a laugh. “That’s some perspective. Divorced isn’t as pathetic as being his husband.”

“Edward...you know there was never any point you were pathetic, right?”

“Yeah. Sure.”

**~Edward~**

Vera Irene Cullen was born three months to the day that Edward went back home, and four days before his own birthday.

It was, he supposed, understandable that he seemed to be the center of the Cullen family’s world right now. It had taken forever for his parents to accept he wasn’t a flight risk. They were so afraid of saying the wrong thing at first, they walked on eggshells around him.

Edward was so done with eggshells. 

He’d been looking forward to a family event that had nothing to do with him. And what an event. A whole new person. A little girl who would know him for all of her life; who would never know her uncle had been gone.

So he got to do what uncles did. He sat with his parents in the waiting room. They told him stories about Emmett when Henry was born. Apparently, the poor guy had nearly gone out of his mind.

“I’m sorry I missed that,” Edward said, a forlorn note coming into his voice.

His father squeezed his shoulder. “You’re here now.”

Edward put his hand over his father’s, giving him a quick squeeze back, reassuring him as much as he was reassuring himself. He was there, and after three months, it was beginning to feel like this was actually his life. 

Some hours after the birth, Carlisle and Esme had gone home to get something Emmett had forgotten. Rosalie had declined Emmett’s help taking a shower, so he had settled for staring at Vera. 

Curious—he’d let everyone else crowd around the baby when they’d been let in the room—Edward sat gingerly next to his brother, peering over his shoulder. The brothers stared at the baby in wonder. “Look at how she rolls her lips,” Edward said.

“Yeah. Check this out.” Emmett put his pinky in his daughter’s palm. He flashed a smile that was all teeth when her tiny fingers wrapped around him. “I know it’s instinct, but I really like that.”

Edward squeezed his hands at his side, nervous. He was re-learning that it was okay to tease people. That hadn’t gone very well for him in the past. Alec was a sensitive soul. His brother’s size made Edward particularly uncomfortable, but he was beginning to test his luck. “You are the biggest dork right now, you know that?” he asked, elbowing his brother ever so slightly in the side. 

Emmett tore his gaze away from his daughter and grinned extra big at Edward. “Have you seen this chick?” He shifted the baby in his arms. “This is the biggest badass in the entire United States at least. Aren’t you, baby girl? Yeah. I’d say the world, but damn those Russian chicks. They might be able to kick my ass, you know?”

“Sure,” Edward said distractedly. He reached out and touched the baby’s blanket covered foot with the tip of his finger.

“You want to hold her?”

Edward’s head snapped up. “What?”

“Here. You haven’t held her yet, right?” Emmett began to shift, angling his body toward Edward.

“I… No. I’ll...I don’t know. I’ll mess up.” Panic spiked in him. He couldn’t do anything right. He couldn’t do this right. It was too important.

“Dude. This isn’t rocket science. You’ll be fine.”

“She was so warm,” Edward said to Jasper when he was back home in his room that night. “And small. And fragile. I was so afraid I was going to hurt her.”

“You didn’t,” Jasper said.

“No. She fell asleep in my arms.” Edward tilted his head back against the headboard. “He wanted us to have kids,” he blurted almost before he knew he was going to speak.

Jasper was silent a beat. “What?”

Edward closed his eyes and swallowed hard. “Alec.” He swallowed again. His husband’s name tasted like acid in his mouth these days. “He wanted to adopt a kid.”

He heard the small noises Jasper made trying to figure out what to say to that. “You don’t have to say anything,” Edward said. “I started group last week, and I noticed a lot of the women—they’re all women, you know.” He cleared his throat. “A lot of the women had stories about their abusers sabotaging birth control.”

“The kids keep them there,” Jasper said.

Edward closed his eyes. Of course. Anyone else would have seen it from a mile away. Anyone who wasn’t as stupid as he was. Bonus points too for the kick in the gut. Alec had never meant those sweet things he murmured in Edward’s ear. He hadn’t wanted a beautiful family with him. Well, not because he loved him. Not because he wanted to raise their children together. The whole act, so precious to Edward, had been manipulation. Because he had threatened to leave.

“I told him I couldn’t take it. I told him it was wrong, what he was doing to me. It was maybe a year before you and I met.” He breathed in and out, trying not to feel anything. “He was sorry. And it was really good for a while. He told me about all these beautiful dreams he had about us being a family.”

“And then what happened?”

Edward laughed, tired and aching and wishing he could hide his face against Jasper’s arm if he had to say these things out loud. “It was an hour before the first home visit. I did something wrong or said something wrong. He slapped me. He slapped me so hard, you couldn’t miss the handprint. And he put his fist through the wall by my head.”

Actually, thinking back, Edward had to wonder if he’d ducked out of the way of his husband’s fist. He couldn’t quite remember.

“We canceled the visit.” He gulped. “He said I ruined everything.”

“He’s a dick, Edward. He ruined everything. You know that, right?”

“Yeah, I know.” Edward rubbed a hand over his tired eyes. “Good call on that one, though, all things considered.”

“You can still have anything you want,” Jasper said, his voice soft. “None of that is out of your reach.”

“I don’t even know if I know what I want.”

“Yeah. I’m just saying.”

“Thanks,” Edward said, meaning it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: In case you don’t know, I’m thankful for you. :)


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Soooooo. Hi!

~Edward~

“Edward.”

 

Edward was having a wonderful dream. 

 

When he was a little boy—and a not so little boy—on his birthday, his mother woke him on his birthday the same way. She sat on the edge of his bed, stroking her fingers through his hair. Mothers had the softest touch. When he was very little, his mother’s touch was all he needed to chase away the fear after she shooed away the monster from under his bed. 

 

“Edward. Wake up, baby boy.”

 

Edward took a deep breath through his nose, blinking in confusion. “Mom?”

 

Her smile was beautiful. He reached out and touched her leg. She was real. Not a dream. He was so happy he wanted to cry.

 

“I have something for you,” she said.

 

Edward grinned, a twinge of giddiness making his heartbeat race. “Really?”

 

“Mmhm.” Esme tilted her head at his nightstand. “Come on.”

 

Edward sat up. He looked over at the nightstand and, sure enough, there it was. A strawberry cupcake with orange icing and one single candle. A birthday cake he didn’t have to share. “Oh, my God.” He reached out and dipped his pinky into the frosting and brought it to his mouth. Buttercream. Homemade. “I dreamed about this. Before. On my birthday.”

 

The skin at the corners of her eyes tightened. “I did too,” she said quietly. Then she smiled again and lit the candle. “Make a wish, baby.”

 

Smiling hugely—he almost felt foolish—Edward closed his eyes. He didn’t make a wish. How could he ask for more than what he had right now?

~0~

Edward paused on the stairs. 

 

The baby was crying. If the baby was crying, that meant the baby was here. If the baby was here, that meant his brother, Rosalie, and probably Henry were here. He craned his neck and looked back at his mother. “I told you we didn’t have to do anything today. The baby is four days old. They haven’t slept in four days. They shouldn’t care I exist right now.”

 

Esme squeezed his arm. “It was his idea. Come on. Your father’s making breakfast.”

 

They continued down the stairs, Edward with a bounce in his step. He’d smelled the bacon, but if they were doing the retro thing, then there had to be…

 

Edward broke out into a full on grin when he saw the ingredients on the counter, already used. It was his old birthday breakfast. Bacon and eggs and a side of Carlisle’s homemade cinnamon buns. His father looked up from the stove and smiled at him. “Happy birthday, son.”

 

Emmett, standing at the counter, thrust a cup of coffee into his hands. He yawned, balling his free hand and rubbing his eye. “Happy birthday, bro.”

 

“Birthday!”

 

Edward looked down to find Henry had wrapped his arms around his legs and was grinning up at him. He reached down and ruffled the boy’s hair. “Thanks.”

 

He sat down at the table next to a bleary-eyed Rosalie, the baby at her breast. She gave him a weary but genuine smile. “Happy birthday, Edward.”

 

“Thanks.” Edward wasn’t entirely sure what he thought about his sister-in-law. They hadn’t really had a lot of time to talk, and she could come off cold at times. But she loved his brother, and because she loved his brother, she loved him. He had no idea if she liked him, but she loved him.

 

Edward took a deep breath, suddenly overcome with emotion. 

 

Love he didn’t have to earn every minute of every day.

~0~

“Where are we going?”

 

In the front seat, Esme and Carlisle exchanged a look. Carlisle cleared his throat. “We were wondering if you’d indulge us.”

 

“With?”

 

“We were going to surprise you,” Esme said, her voice quiet. She swallowed. “Then.”

 

They’d pulled into a parking garage near the Space Needle. Edward furrowed his brow, confused. “You were going to take me to the Space Needle for my seventeenth birthday?” He’d been the Space Needle many times.

 

“The EMP Museum,” Carlisle said.

 

“I loved that place.” Edward paused. “I thought you did, too.”

 

Carlisle sighed. “We had a lot of fun here when you were little. And if you want to know the truth, I didn’t agree with your mother when she said she wanted to do this. I didn’t want to encourage you.”

 

He sounded forlorn. Guilty. 

 

Edward was sick of guilt. He unbuckled his seatbelt and sat up straight to look at his father in the rearview mirror. “That doesn’t matter anymore.” It did, of course, but not today.

 

Fifteen minutes later, Edward knew something else was going on. Rather than pay for entrance, Carlisle gave their name to the person at the front desk. Edward looked to his mother. “What’s going on?”

 

She smiled and wound her arm through his. “I told you. We had plans.”

 

Another woman appeared with a clipboard. “Cullen clan?”

 

Carlisle chuckled. “That’s us.”

 

“Which makes you the birthday boy.” She offered her hand. “I’m Zafrina. We have something very special planned for you.”

 

Wide-eyed, Edward followed. “What did you do?” he whispered again. 

 

His mother winked at him.

 

They were led into a room behind the scenes. A small room with a small stage and a guitar on it. 

 

“This…” Zafrina walked up onto the stage and looked back at them. “This is Kurt Cobain’s guitar. Well, one of them.”

 

Edward stopped in his tracks. His breath left him. “No fucking way.”

 

“And you can play exactly one song on it.”

 

Edward’s eyes bulged. “No fucking way.”

 

“So fucking way.” Zafrina beckoned. “Come on up, rock star.”

 

“I...I can’t…”

 

Esme put a hand to his back and gave him a light push. “Go on.”

 

“Just one song,” Carlisle said. 

 

“One,” Zafrina said. 

 

“I’ll...break it.”

 

“It’s a normal guitar,” Zafrina said.

 

“It is not.” Edward was staring at it as though it would burst into flames.

 

Carlisle laughed. “Go on. Make it a good one.”

 

Edward’s first instinct was to go with Heartshaped Box. Signature guitar sound. He thought about it as he carefully picked up and caressed the guitar. He sat on the stool and put his fingers to the strings.

 

Heartshaped Box wasn’t what came out. Edward closed his eyes and played. He played the song he’d only committed to paper once but had, apparently, kept in his heart. He played, and he tried not to remember how it felt to see his music in shreds all over the kitchen floor. He played and remembered instead what it was like to put to music to things he couldn’t say, things he wasn’t allowed to feel.

 

He played, and for a few minutes, nothing else existed but the music. 

 

When he stopped playing, the room was quiet. He opened his eyes to find all three of the others in the room staring at him. His shoulders hunched. He had the urge to pull the guitar tightly against him, but remembered just in time whose guitar it had been. And he’d profaned it.

 

Zafrina laughed, and Edward jumped. “Damn, boy. That was amazing. What was that?”

 

Edward’s eyes darted from Zafrina to his parents. His palms were sweating. Spots began to swim before his eyes. “I, uh….” He swallowed several times. His mouth was dry. “I, uh… I wrote it.”

 

“You wrote that?” Esme asked.

 

“That is some serious talent,” Zafrina said. She took the guitar from him. “I have to get this back where it belongs. Enjoy the rest of the museum, and happy birthday, okay?”

 

“She’s right,” Esme said when Zafrina was gone. “Edward, that was incredible.”

 

Edward ducked his head. His pulse was racing still, anxiety crawling up his skin. He closed his eyes tightly, fighting it. “She’s supposed to say things like that.” His words came out shaky. 

 

“No. Edward, your mother is right. That was incredible.” This time it was his father who spoke. “You wrote that?”

 

Edward cocked his head. There was something strange about the way he said the words, about the look on his face. He looked…

 

Shattered.

 

“Dad?” Edward took a step forward. He jumped down off the little stage. 

 

His father made an attempt to smile. He shook his head. “Let’s…” He shook his head again, his smile faltering. “No. No. I need to say this.” 

 

Edward started when his father came forward. He pulled in a sharp breath, but his father put a hand to his arm and looked him in the eyes. “I’m…” Carlisle choked on the word. His eyes had gone glassy. “I’m sorry. For what I stole from you.”

 

“Dad,” Edward whispered, shaking his head. “You didn’t—”

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

Edward put his arms around his father and let him pull him into a tight hug. “I’m sick of sorry,” he said. “Can we all just not be sorry? All of us? Can we try that?”

 

His father laughed—a shaky sound. He kissed the side of Edward’s hair and pulled away, letting Esme get in on the hugging action. “We can try,” he said.

~0~

It was mid-afternoon, and they were on their way home again. Edward leaned his forehead against the cool glass, smiling and humming under his breath. 

 

“This has been a really great day,” he said. “Really great.”

 

“Day’s not over yet,” Esme said.

 

Edward raised his head. “There’s nothing… This has already been too much.”

 

“Dinner. That’s all,” Carlisle said. 

 

Edward narrowed his eyes. His parents were up to something.

 

So he wasn’t entirely surprised when they got back to the house, and he opened the door to a (small) chorus of, “Surprise.” And yet, his family did get a genuine gasp out of him.

 

Emmett and Rosalie, Edward supposed, had decorated the house in way too many balloons, but that wasn’t what surprised him. There was pizza and punch and alcohol and chicken wings and presents on the table. That didn’t surprise him either—his brother used any excuse to justify dinner of pizza and wings.

 

No. What surprised him was the extra person in the room.

 

“Jasper?”

 

His friend smiled. “Hey, Edward.”

 

“Oh, my god.” Before he could think about what he was doing, Edward raced forward and hugged his friend. “Oh, my god.”

 

Jasper laughed and hugged him back. “Happy birthday.”

 

“Hey. We exist, too,” Emmett said after another second, teasing.

 

Edward let go of Jasper. “Oh. Yeah. Sorry. I…” He laughed again and hugged Emmett. He kissed Rosalie’s cheek and ran his hand through Henry’s hair—the boy was bouncing up and down at his feet. “Thanks. Thank you.”  
~0~  
Hours later the house was quiet. Edward was alone with Jasper in his room. They were sitting on the floor, backs against the bed, chatting and laughing together.

 

“But the best part—”

 

“No, no, no. You can’t possibly be about to tell me that there was a better part than you getting to play Kurt Cobain’s guitar. How did your dad even do that?”

 

“Guy owed him a favor, he said. And yeah. That was amazing. That was…” Edward shook his head. He didn’t have the words. “It was a different kind of great, I guess. Later. There’s a Science Fiction museum in the basement. I don’t know if you knew that.”

 

“The basement is a good place for a science fiction museum.”

 

“Yeah. But there’s a monster-maker. Like...it makes shadow monsters on the wall. You stand in front of it, your shadow gets projected, and little eyes pop out, snakes in your hair, all sorts of weird stuff.” Edward laughed, remembering. “And my parents, they were just contorting themselves all sorts of weird ways, trying to see how many eyes they could get to pop up. It was just really, really great.”

 

Jasper chuckled. “You know what I think is great?”

 

“What’s that?” Edward rolled his head to look at him. 

 

A soft smile came over Jasper’s face. “You have a great laugh.” Jasper’s eyes drifted down to his lips and back up. “It’s so good to see you laugh.”

 

Edward didn’t know what to say to that. He was distracted. He was distracted by the fact he was suddenly aware of how close he and Jasper were sitting. He was distracted by the fact he could feel his friend’s breath on his cheek. They’d both been drinking a little, and whatever Jasper had, his breath smelled like lemons and alcohol. “I think this has been the best birthday I’ve ever had,” he said, his eyes on Jasper’s lips.

 

He was strangely relaxed for the things that were running through his head. Relaxed and yet aware. Hyper-aware. His skin was tingling. What was that about?

 

Jasper licked his lips, and it seemed to Edward that his voice had gotten lower, kind of rough. “Your birthday isn’t over yet. Is there anything else you want?”

 

Edward raised his eyes. “Yeah,” he said, because it was the truth.

 

“Like what?”

 

It would take nothing at all. Nothing to tilt his head. Their noses would brush, and then…

 

Edward didn’t think. He tilted his head. He brushed his nose once against Jasper’s and then pressed his lips to his.

 

Jasper’s hand came up. He stroked his fingers through Edward’s hair, his lips pressing lightly. They were such sweet kisses. Sweet and small and Edward thought maybe he could have died happily. It was a weird sort of contentment he’d never felt before, a thrill.

 

He was thrilled, and he couldn’t stop smiling. 

 

His laugh broke off the kiss, and he ducked his head, leaning it against Jasper’s shoulder as he giggled under his breath. 

 

Jasper scratched his fingers through the hairs at Edward’s neck. “What is it, looney toon?”

 

“I have no idea.” He sighed and reached out, trailing his fingertips tentatively over Jasper’s. “I think I’m happy.”

 

Jasper flipped his hand and twined their fingers together. “Me too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: How we doing, kiddos? I am freaking out because I’m officially out of cushion.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: A day late but it’s Christmastime for Jasper and Edward too! I hope you had a good one.

“It’s just...not necessary, Edward.” Carlisle’s eyes implored his son as he looked at him across the table. “There’s nothing wrong with working. Of course there isn’t, but you don’t need to.”

Edward shuddered. Alec had said much the same thing every time he tried to get a job. A few times, he even put in a month or two of work before Alec got too angry. It was always something. Alec hated coming home to an empty house. He had wanted them to go on vacation. One thing after another until Edward quit. 

He shook his head. “I do need to work, Dad. I need to do something.”

“We’re not suggesting you do nothing,” Esme said, reaching across the table to touch his hand. “If it’s still your intention to enroll in a community college, you still have time to do that for next semester. It’s only another month and a half.” She smiled at him. “And you can help me with Christmas.”

A thrill went down Edward’s spine, and he knew his face must have lit up. He could feel the tug at the corners of his mouth. It was instinct to fight his giddiness. It was silly—immature—to, well, act like a kid on Christmas.

He was so sick of hearing his ex-husband’s voice in his head, questioning and belittling his every decision. He shook his head, trying to clear it. “You still do a huge Christmas?”

“Last year was the first year since…” The skin at the corners of Esme’s eyes tightened, and she gave Edward an apologetic smile. “It was a little easier to consider it last year, because Henry was more aware.”

Edward heard what she wasn’t saying. He had the feeling he’d stolen Christmas from his family for the years he’d been away. But they’d all promised there’d be no more sorries between them, so he tried to shake that off. “I can still help. I will help. You know the only thing I’m qualified for is retail, and it’s not like I’m going to get a huge amount of hours.”

Carlisle opened his mouth to argue again, but Esme put a hand over his. “It’s understandable,” she said with a sad smile. “Money is power. If you’d had money of your own, you might have had other options.”

Edward ducked his head, shame creeping over his skin and prickling the hairs on the back of his neck. It hadn’t really been a conscious thought. There were just so many times he didn’t think he could take it anymore. He remembered sitting in his bathtub once, his legs curled up to his chest, shaking even though hot water coursed down his back. He remembered watching the water turn pink with his blood. He knew. Somewhere deep inside him, he knew that his husband—his partner—shouldn’t be doing this to him. And somewhere deep inside him, he knew it wouldn’t stop. He would never be good enough.

All he wanted was for the pain to stop, but he could never figure out how. He could walk away, he supposed. Just walk right out his front door, but then what? Alec only gave him a little money at a time. Without money, he was trapped. Powerless, as his mother said. And though most of him was sure his parents would never keep him as no better than a prisoner in their home, he still wanted the power of his own income. Money no one could take from him. Money he could spend without anyone scrutinizing his purchase, sneering if it didn’t hold up to some impossible standard. Money he could spend without anyone holding over his head how hard they worked for every little thing Edward had.

Esme reached across the table and squeezed his hand. “Okay. You’ll get a job.”

Edward’s lips quirked. “One thing down, I suppose.” It was a solid step, and one that was part relief and part pure terror. He’d been wandering around in a confused haze for months. He still wasn’t sure he should be responsible for his own life. 

“Two things down,” Carlisle said.

“What?” Edward turned his head to his father.

“At least you know what you want to do in school. A lot of people have no idea when they start out.”

“Oh.” Edward looked down at his hands. “I don’t know that.”

“But your music, Edward,” Esme said.

He was already shaking his head. He’d figured that was what his father meant. “I’m not going to study music. That’s the one thing I’m sure of.”

His parents were silent for a few beats before his father tried again. “Having a career you’re passionate about is a rare thing. You can still have that.”

“I know.” Edward raised his head, searching for the right words. “It’s too personal to me now, Dad.”

Would he ever be able to take someone else’s critique on his music without hearing Alec’s dismissive words or remembering what had happened the last time he poured himself into his music? No. His music would be his and his loved ones alone now.

His father looked heartbroken. Again. He looked like he was going to say he was sorry. Edward braced himself, but after a moment, so did Carlisle. He put on a forced smile and nodded at Edward. “Well, plenty of time to figure out what you want. Pre-reqs usually take a couple of years anyway. You don’t have to button down a major for quite some time.” His smile was more genuine then. “You know what they say. Today is the first day of the rest of your life.” 

“Yeah,” he said, his throat tight. The first day of the rest of his life, and no one to blame but himself if he messed it up.

**~Christmas Day~**

“That’s really the ugliest sweater.” Edward covered his mouth with his hand as he chortled.

On the other side of the Skype connection, Jasper chuckled and shook his head. “That’s the point of the ugly Christmas sweater, dude. Anyway, it’s not that funny. Are you drunk?”

“Uh. Maybe a little.” Edward ruffled his hair and yawned. “Emmett was a little heavy-handed with the egg nog.”

“Good. That’s good.”

Edward sighed. “Yeah.” He crossed his legs at the ankle, looking down at his feet, staring bemusedly at the grotesque zombie slippers—a gift from his sister. He swore he’d gotten more presents than Henry. “It was great. Really great.”

A wave of emotion hit him, and his eyes pricked with tears. “I’m really glad I didn’t let my parents talk me out of getting that job. I had to work late on Christmas Eve, but that’s okay. I got to give my family gifts.” He’d even been able to send Bella something.

He had a head full of great memories. Sitting wedged between his parents as they all laughed together. Little Henry surrounded by wrapping paper. He’d abandoned his tower of toys to help Edward with his pile. At some point, Rosalie had put baby Vera in his arms, and he’d been so content with her little body radiating baby heat against his chest. 

“Speaking of presents.” Jasper rummaged for something next to his bed. He grinned—his smile always made Edward shiver, it was so pretty—and held up a familiar envelope. “I’m dying of curiosity, but I value my life.”

Edward blushed, wondering for the millionth time if he’d been foolish. “I’m glad it got to you on time.” He’d had to send it to Jasper’s mother’s house in Houston. 

“Yes. With all these threats to my person if I dared open it before Christmas.” His eyes sparked. “I can’t help but notice it’s Christmas now…”

“Yeah.” Edward stretched, craning so he was hanging backward off the bed as he reached for the package Jasper had sent him. He heard a gasp from the other end and realized his stomach was exposed when he did that. He straightened up and pulled down his pajama top, self-conscious. “Sorry.”

Jasper’s answering chuckle was deep, his lips quirked in amusement. “Believe me, Edward, there’s nothing to apologize for. It was a nice view.”

Edward’s cheeks warmed, and his heartbeat quickened. He never knew what to say when Jasper said things like that. His instinct was to laugh it off. How could he possibly mean it? But his eyes were dark with a look in them that made Edward’s stomach flutter. He set the package on his lap and cleared his throat. “Right, um. So this is a Christmas gift, right?”

“Yeah. Oh, good. You got it.”

“Yeah, sorry. It was kind of hectic around here the last couple of days. My mom was kind of insane.” She’d wanted everything to be perfect for him; he knew that. “I forgot to tell you I got it.”

“That’s okay.” He grinned. “So, who gets to go first?”

“Ahh…” Edward swallowed hard, suddenly nervous. “Let me go first.”

Jasper waved his hand in a ‘go ahead’ gesture. He leaned forward, looking eager. 

It was a good sized box. Inside, he found a gift certificate to notebooks, pens, pencils, and a messenger bag. Edward turned the bag over in his hands. It was a really nice bag with a bunch of pockets for everything he might need to drag with him to and from school. 

“Emmett got me a Captain America backpack to take to school,” Edward mused. “I think this is less likely to get me made fun of by the other kids.”

“You like it?”

“It’s great.” He took a shaky breath. School was beginning to loom enormous on his horizon, no matter how much he told himself it’d be fine. “You’re a professional student, so I guess you’d know what I need.”

“That’s about everything you’ll need for your core classes except your textbooks, of course.”

“Thank you.” Edward wished he could hug Jasper like he had his family.

“Yep.” Jasper waved his package. “Now me?”

The lump in his throat grew larger, and Edward had to swallow several times. He nodded emphatically to cover. “Yeah.” He cleared his throat, and tried again. “Yeah. Go ahead.”

Anxiety twisted in Edward’s gut. Not for the first time, he considered that Jasper’s gift was stupid. It was too insubstantial; he already knew that. He’d spent quite a bit of money on it, but only because he didn’t have the tools he needed himself. 

Jasper pulled out a flashdrive. He smirked. The flashdrive itself was in the shape of a piece of sushi. “That’s funny.”

“That’s not your gift. I mean… obviously, you can keep the flashdrive, but it’s what’s on it that’s the gift. It’s… It’s probably lame, but…”

“I’m sure it’s not lame.” Jasper plugged the drive into his laptop, and Edward broke out in a cold sweat.

There was only one file on the flashdrive, so Jasper found it right away. He opened it, and Edward closed his eyes. A second later, the music started.

After he played the piece on his birthday, Edward knew he’d stored the notes of the song he’d written for Jasper somewhere in his head. It had felt strange writing the notes down again. It was more than a little nerve-wracking. Rationally, he knew the music wouldn’t be destroyed again. Rationally, he knew that he had no jealous husband who would be displeased at the fact he’d written a song for another man. 

And yeah, maybe some of his nervousness was residual guilt. He’d paid so dearly for this mistake. Alec had been right, after all. When Edward wrote the notes down and played them again, really listening to them, he could hear all the things he hadn’t acknowledged he felt for Jasper back then. He really had had a crush. More than a crush, really.

Then again, Alec hadn’t actually heard the song before he destroyed it. 

Edward kept his eyes shut tightly, unable to watch Jasper’s reaction as the music played on. Would Jasper hear what he’d put into that music? Did it matter? It was lame. Giving someone music was just a dumb idea.

The music ended, and silence fell over them. Edward’s mouth was dry. His breath was quick. Dread churned in him. The longer Jasper said nothing, the sicker Edward felt. “I’m sorry,” he said. “It’s… You gave me such a great gift, and I—”

“Edward.” Jasper’s voice was soft. Quiet. “Open your eyes.”

Slowly, Edward obeyed. His breath caught. Jasper’s eyes were shining with obvious emotion. “That…” he began. He shook his head. “That was beautiful. You wrote that?”

Edward nodded.

“For me?”

Edward nodded again.

“It’s… I can’t…” He shook his head again. “I don’t even know. That was so beautiful. And that’s you playing?”

Another nod. 

“You just… It’s really, really great. Thank you.”

Edward rubbed the back of his neck, pleased and embarrassed. “Yeah. Um…” He cleared his throat. “So, uh…isn’t it funny that you’re done with school just as I’m going in?” he blurted.

Jasper’s lips tugged up at one corner, but he didn’t call Edward on the obvious subject change. “It goes by faster than you think.”

“Sure.” His tone was getting stronger again, less shaky. “So you’ll be eligible for a promotion at work, right?”

A strange look came over Jasper’s face. He sat up straighter, his look far away. “Yeah. When the job comes open again, I can apply, and there’s a good chance I’ll get it.”

“I sense a but in there somewhere.”

Jasper didn’t answer right away. He breathed in and out again. “But, you know, being done with this huge part of my life, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking.”

“Thinking about?”

“There’s something I have to ask you.”

Edward’s heart began to pound again, his nerves twisting in a much different way. “Yeah?” He had absolutely no idea what to think. Hope stirred in him, but hope of what he couldn’t have said.

“Yeah.” Jasper took a deep breath. “Look, what it really comes down to is that it’s expensive as all hell to live in California. There’s every possibility I’ll never be able to get on top of my debts and financial responsibilities here. I mean, I’ll never get ahead. I’ll never own a home.”

Edward blinked. Whatever he’d been expecting, it wasn’t any of this. “Okay,” he said, uncertain where the hell this was going.

“I think it’s time I think about moving away from California. Moving somewhere that I can earn enough to make a living and have a life.” He paused a beat and finally looked back at the camera. “I don’t want you to take this the wrong way, Edward. I know you’re just getting your feet under you. I don’t want to scare you. This doesn’t have to mean anything to you…”

When he didn’t go on, Edward took an unsteady breath. “But..” he prompted.

“But… I want to look into moving to Washington.” 

“What?” Edward’s eyes bulged out.

“It makes sense. The cost of living isn’t bad in the Pacific Northwest. There are a ton of computer jobs, especially with Microsoft being out there. Plenty of places to apply, and I definitely wouldn’t move without having a job.” He paused. “And it’d be good, you know, having one friendly face around.”

Edward turned all this over in his head. 

He and Jasper never really talked about what was going on between them. There was more to their story; that was what Jasper had said. But it had never been the right time to talk about it. Not while they lived very different lives so far from each other. Not when Edward was such a wreck, and Jasper had no time. Still, when they did see each other, there was always kissing. It hadn’t ever gone further than that, but it wasn’t as though either of them was seeing anyone else.

At least, Jasper hadn’t told him about anyone else. If he was hooking up, he wasn’t telling Edward about it, and Edward hadn’t asked. It wasn’t fair to expect Jasper to be faithful when he didn’t know if he would ever be ready for something...else.

Edward looked back up at his friend. “So moving to this area would be a good life decision?”

“I think it’s worth looking into. Checking out the job market.” Jasper rolled his shoulders and attempted to look more relaxed than this whole conversation felt. “I’m not planning on rushing into anything without thinking about it. I’d have a job lined up; all of that.”

“California is ridiculously expensive,” Edward murmured, mostly to himself.

“Is this making you uncomfortable?”

Edward thought about it a moment before he answered. “No. Not uncomfortable.” He allowed himself a small smile. “It’d be great, Jasper. It’d be really great to have you around.”

Jasper’s full-fledged grin came back. “I think so, too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Much love to you, my duckies.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Phew! Thanks for waiting, guys.

Jasper was...distracted.

The months had flown by, and it had taken until March before he and Edward could arrange another visit. Jasper had to save his money for flights when he had interviews scheduled, and Edward was getting used to school and work. 

Edward had driven to the airport to pick Jasper up. As it happened, the luggage was delayed, and so Edward was happily chatting about...Well. Something. 

Jasper was...Yeah. Distracted. 

“Are you okay?” Edward asked, ducking so his head was in Jasper's line of sight. 

“Huh?” Jasper blinked, a little dazed.

“You're in the same time zone, so you can't be jet lagged,” Edward said with a shy, adorable, teasing smile.

Jasper grinned. “Ah. No. Not jet lagged.” He hesitated a beat, deciding whether or not to go where he was about to. “You've filled out, Edward.”

It was a severe understatement. The Edward who'd left California had been painfully skinny. He had the face of an angel, but he'd looked frail to the point of being breakable. Not anymore. He had a shape to him that was anything but skeletal.

Edward blushed scarlet and ducked his head, but not before Jasper saw his smile. “Oh,” he said, so soft Jasper almost didn't hear him. “I...Mom likes feeding me.”

Jasper rested his hand on Edward’s bicep and gave it the lightest of squeezes. He licked his lips. “This isn’t food. This is muscle.”

Edward lifted his head, blinking his pretty green eyes. “I told you I joined a gym.”

He looked so adorably perplexed, Jasper’s grin widened. “Can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“The other guys at the gym ever flirt with you?” Jasper was sure to keep his tone light and teasing even though the idea made him more than a little protective. 

A tinge of jealousy was worth it, though. There was that adorable blush. Edward shrugged. “That’s nothing. They’re just being nice.”

Jasper snorted. “Do you even own a mirror? Besides, the gym bunnies are snobs. They’re not going to flirt with you if they don’t like what they see.”

Edward mumbled something under his breath, but right about then, the carousel started moving. It was probably for the best. It kept Jasper from asking what he really wanted to know. The gym bunnies were gathering, but was Edward interested?

Once he’d retrieved his luggage, Jasper offered a hand to Edward. “Hey, so, I’m looking for a handsome man to take me away from all this madness.”

Edward rolled his eyes, but he grinned. “I don’t see any of those around, but if you’ll settle for me, I do have a car.”

“Settle for you.” Jasper shook his head, but he didn’t belabor the point. He took Edward’s hand, and together they made their way to the exit.

~0~

Edward was different. For as long as Jasper had known him, he’d walked on eggshells, uncertain of where he stood and terrified of displeasing anyone. But time and his family’s consistent love was slowly curing him of his constant self-consciousness. At least, he wasn’t second-guessing himself all the time.

The last time Jasper had been to Washington to visit, Edward still stuck out like a sore thumb. He was like the sun, all chaos with an untouchable shell. His family revolved around him, their orbits anything but steady. Jasper had always known that living like that wasn’t sustainable. 

Now, Edward had, more or less, found his place in the family. He moved with them, if not seamlessly, then close enough. His parents didn’t handle him with kid gloves. They didn’t watch his every move, his every reaction. He did his part automatically when it came to dinner. He set the table, including a booster seat for Henry. When Vera woke from her nap, Edward said he’d get her. No one batted an eyelash; it was obviously normal for him to offer.

They sat down to dinner, Edward with a pouting, grumpy baby in his arms. The image sent a strange shiver through him; a warmth that wasn’t the same as thinking Edward was attractive, or adorable, or the millions of things Jasper thought about him.

No. It was a rare glimpse of a future Jasper hadn’t admitted to himself he wanted. For a second, though, he tasted that future on his tongue, felt it within his reach. He could see Edward, happy and confident, with _their_ baby in his arms, rubbing her back soothingly even as he chatted with his mother. He could see the way Edward wouldn’t break their conversation but would tilt his head for Jasper to kiss his cheek when he came to sit down.

Jasper shook the vision off with a full body shiver. He rarely let himself imagine what it would be like to have a decent job. The whole nine was a little much to consider. Edward wasn’t even his boyfriend, for Christ’s sake. Well, not really. Well, maybe. Well…

As soon as he sat down, Edward turned his head away from his mother to flash a smile at Jasper. He turned back but put a hand on his knee, patting it absently. Jasper’s chest warmed.

~0~

In the small hours of the morning, Jasper and Edward were still awake, talking quietly. Jasper was supposed to be staying in the guest bedroom, but neither one of them was eager for him to leave. As the hours went by, they’d ended up side by side, heads bent together even though they didn’t have to whisper. 

They both chuckled at the conversation, and Jasper looked up to find Edward’s face a mere inch from his. Without thinking, he raised a hand, cupping his face and rubbing a thumb over his cheek. “You’re so beautiful,” he murmured, and he kissed him.

They’d shared a few kisses since Jasper had arrived that morning. One in greeting—quick but fervent—and a few small pecks throughout the day. When they got to Edward’s room, Jasper had wanted to kiss him, but he hadn’t wanted to push.

There was something strange about the energy between them. Something had changed. Jasper wasn’t sure if he had to be as careful with Edward. He wasn’t so scared anymore; that much was obvious, but it didn’t mean Jasper could just pounce on him. It was a strange place to be—more than just friends, but how much more? Jasper hadn’t even stopped to ask himself what he wanted. Edward was just beginning to figure out who he was.

Jasper knew he should let go of Edward, stop kissing him. They should talk. Figure out what they both wanted. What they needed from themselves and each other.

And maybe Jasper would have let him go, as he kept promising himself he would, but then Edward moaned. The soft sound vibrated against Jasper’s lips, and he was lost. He wrapped an arm around Edward, spreading his fingers wide against his back.

This wasn’t an innocent kiss. Not at all. It was the kind of kiss that spoke, that whispered heated questions. _Do you want me? Do you want this?_ And Edward’s lips answered. _Yes. Yes. Yes._

Given that, it should’t have been a surprise when Edward’s hand rested low on his belly. Then, it was Jasper who groaned. He was willing. More than willing, he was aching, his cock straining against his zipper, but a prickle at the back of his mind kept him from giving in. Not all systems were go, and it took Jasper a muddled few seconds to figure out why.

Edward’s breath had gone staccato, his body tense. His lips still said yes. His hands on Jasper’s body said yes. But there was a conversation going on beneath the surface that Jasper needed to hear before anything happened.

Jasper grabbed Edward by his wrists, stilling them. Edward flinched, making a noise like he'd swallowed a gasp. His whole body went rigid and remained so even after Jasper had let him go. “I'm sorry,” he said, his voice trembling as badly as he was. “Let me—”

“Shh.” Jasper tested, putting a light hand on Edward's knee. He flinched again. With an inward sigh, Jasper pulled back and clutched the comforter, trying to quell the need to pull the other man into his arms. “Open your eyes.”

Even in the limited light, Jasper could see Edward had gone pale. Jasper swallowed around a lump in his throat, searching for the right words. “Will you tell me what’s going on in your head?”

Edward released a breath in a gasp. “I...I…” He opened his eyes, but he didn’t look at Jasper. “I want to be good enough for you.”

Jasper paused, again reining in his knee-jerk response. “Okay.” He knew from long experience arguing with Edward when he made those kinds of comments was useless. “Why do you think you aren’t good enough for me?” Jasper shook his head before Edward could answer. “No. Scratch that. I think we need to start with what you want, and what you think I want.”

Edward sat cross-legged and rubbed his palm on his knee restlessly, rocking the slightest bit. But when he looked up, he attempted a smile. It was a sickly thing, but it was there. “Ah, are you trying to get me to admit I like you?” His smile fell, and he looked down again. “It was different when we were apart, but if you’re going to live here…”

“What was different?” Jasper asked. He reached out and carefully touched Edward’s leg. He didn’t flinch or pull back; he rested his hand there in an innocent gesture.

“Well...I’ve thought about it a lot. If you…” He huffed, obviously embarrassed. “If you went out with anyone.”

“I di—”

“It’s not my business,” Edward said. “It really isn’t. That’s part of why I never asked. I figured if something was serious, you’d tell me.” He huffed again and shook his head, knowing he was rambling. “But, I don’t think...It would suck to have to see it. When you’re here.”

He groaned, covering his face with his hands. “Fuck. This is coming out all wrong. It’s just that I’m… _interested_ , and I don’t...I don’t know how to do this.”

Jasper bit the inside of his cheek, charmed and trying not to show it. He stroked Edward’s back. “So, what are you interested in? Just sex, or…”

His teasing tone drained away when he caught Edward’s slight wince. He realized what the problem was a split second before Edward spoke. His shoulders slumped. “I don’t… I’m not...I want you to be happy.”

“You’re saying you’re not interested. In sex.”

Edward looked so miserable. “I...I don’t mind. Sex. You can—”

Jasper put his hand over Edward’s mouth. The gesture was gentle, but he was almost desperate for Edward to shut up. He didn’t want to think about Alec. He didn’t want the horrible, ugly anger to overwhelm what had been such a great night.

Edward looked at him over his hand, his eyes wrought with uncertainty. “Jasper, I’m not an idiot, and I’m not naive,” he said when Jasper dropped his hand. “I know sex is important. I can’t expect—”

“Shhhh.” Jasper squeezed his eyes shut and counted to ten. He breathed in and out and, when he opened his eyes, he reached out to take Edward’s hands. He moved so they were sitting face to face. “What we’ve been doing… Are you doing all those things, kissing me and letting me kiss you, because you think that’s what I want?”

Edward’s eyes went wide. “No! No, I...I like the kissing.”

“But not sex.”

Edward looked down at their joined hands. “I told you before. I’m just broken that way. It’s okay, though. If you wanted to… I mean, I know you’re not like… I know you’d never hurt me like that.”

“Jesus.” Jasper pulled his hands out of Edward’s for a moment to scrub his face. He didn’t know where to start. He took Edward’s hands again and squeezed his hands until he looked up. “I need you to listen to me, okay? There’s nothing wrong with you.”

Narrowing his eyes, Edward yanked his hands away. “Don’t give me that. It’s not normal. That’s the definition of something wrong.”

“It’s a question with an answer.” Jasper ran the backs of his knuckles down Edward’s cheek. “And if I’m not interested in working through it _with_ you, then I don’t deserve you. Do you understand that? No one is worth your time if they can’t deal with every part of you.”

“But it’s not fair of me to expect anyone to deal with that. It’s not cancer or a disability. It’s… Well, it’s half the point of a relationship.”

Jasper sighed. He shifted, getting off the bed. He grabbed his phone, scrolled, and pressed a button so soft music played. “Come here,” he said, offering Edward his hand. 

Edward looked confused, but he took Jasper’s hand, letting him pull him to his feet. Jasper guided his hand to his shoulders and then put his own on Edward’s waist. He heard Edward’s breath catch when he began to sway them in time with the music. “What are we doing?”

“What? You don’t know a dance when you’re in one?” Jasper smiled at him, hoping to tease a smile in return.

It worked. Some of the light came back to his eyes. When Jasper felt his body relax, he pulled him even closer, holding him against his body. He let his fingers walk slowly up and down Edward’s spine, and then took his waist again, tilting his head against his.

“Are you okay?” Jasper murmured when he felt a shiver go through Edward’s body.

“Um… yeah.” Edward sounded distracted. His skin, as Jasper cupped one hand to his neck, was hot. 

“Do you like this? Are you uncomfortable at all?” Jasper put two fingers under Edward’s chin, tilting his head up. “Tell me the truth.”

Edward exhaled, his eyes on Jasper’s lips. “I like it.”

“Good.” He leaned in, tasting Edward’s lips in a brief, sweet kiss. “And this?”

“Yes.” Edward looked dazed now. He was loose and languid in Jasper’s arms, swaying to the music. 

Jasper kissed him more seriously then, slow and long, but chaste. When this kiss broke, they were both breathless. Jasper ran his fingers through Edward’s hair. “There are seven billion people in this world. Not a single one of them doesn’t have some kind of hang up. There’s nothing wrong with you, Edward. It’s just that your normal is different than anyone else’s, which only means you’re human.

“I’m going to tell you again, if there’s any point where I can’t accept all of you, just the way you are, you drop me like a sack of potatoes. Wipe your hands of me and throw a party, because you know you’re better off, and I’m a damn fool.” He took Edward’s face in his hands. “Until then, why don’t we say we’re going to see where this goes, huh? Together. You and me. Let’s be a...something.”

Edward laughed, and he wrapped his arms around Jasper. He rested his head on his shoulder and just held on. “I’m such a wreck, Jasper. I don’t really understand why you’d want this.”

“Guess you’re just going to have to stick around and figure it out.”

Edward laughed again. “Okay.”

“ _We’ll_ figure it out. Together.”

“Okay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: He’s getting there.
> 
> How are you lovely people?


	19. Chapter 19

“So, let’s talk about sex, baby.”

Edward had to smile at his therapist, Maggie. It was a sickly smile, but there it was. He rubbed the palms of his hands over his knees in a frantic motion. “Don’t ever let me tell you that you don’t know how to show a guy a good time.” 

Her smile was encouraging. “We’ve touched on sex briefly before. You always bring it up as a measure of your worth as a partner.”

“It’s not about worth,” Edward said. “Look, can we all stop pretending this is something we can just ignore? It’s not like maybe we don’t have all the same interests. Like he loves to go to concerts, and I hate music. This isn’t something that’s going to go away.”

“Whoa. The word on the street is sex is supposed to be a fun thing, but look at your posture right now.”

Edward made an effort to straighten up out of his hunched posture. He rubbed the back of his neck. 

“Sex isn’t an exciting prospect for you,” Maggie went on. It wasn’t a question. “So can I safely assume that the reason you want to have sex is for Jasper?”

Edward’s shoulders slumped. “Is it such a bad thing that I want to do it for him? Isn’t wanting your partner to be happy a good thing?”

“In most cases. Even when it comes to sex it can be.” Maggie tilted her head, considering. “I have a friend who’s asexual. She doesn’t mind having sex with her husband. It’s fun enough. A nice way to spend some time together.

“The difference, of course, is that it’s not ritual torture for her to have sex with her husband. It’s not what it is to him, but it’s nice. For you, it’s not nice.” She paused a moment, waiting for him to argue. When he didn’t, she went on. “You talk about sex solely as something your partner deserves, which means it has worth to you. And in turn that your worth as a partner has at least a little to do with sex.”

Her expression gentled. “Sex with Alec,” she said carefully. “You think you’re broken. Were you always? From the beginning with him?”

Edward shuddered and pulled his legs up onto the couch. He wrapped his arms around his knees. “I didn’t like it. The first time.” Or any other time. Not even when Alec was trying to make things good for him. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Maggie asked.

He really didn’t, but that was par for the course. Therapy wasn’t supposed to be fun; he knew that only too well by now. “The first… Not the first time he, um, touched me. But the first sex? When I ran away from home. That night. When I showed up at his house.” He felt so stupid thinking back on it. The self-loathing that rolled over him covered him like a second skin. “He said...I don’t know. He made it sound like it was so obvious. Of course, if I came to him, that had to be what I wanted. And didn’t I want to prove I was all grown up?”

Maggie nodded slowly. “You weren’t ready.” She paused a beat. “Or willing.”

Edward closed his eyes. He remembered how scared he’d been. He had asked Alec to stop. Alec had just chuckled. _“Everyone likes sex, Edward. You’re a teenage boy. It’s practically what you live for. Don’t lie.”_

“How about before Alec?” Maggie asked lightly. “Did you have any other experiences?”

Edward had to think. It was difficult. His memories of Alec were heavy in his head, each of them crashing against the other. “Um.” He shook his head. “Yeah. Yes. There was a… There was a boy. Freshman year of high school.” He scoffed. “He was a Senior. I guess I have a type. He was the first one who touched me. It was kind of awkward.”

“Good or bad awkward?”

“Good, I think.”

“You mean that you enjoyed it. You were turned on? Everything was in working order?”

Edward scoffed, blushing hard. “Uh, yeah. Yeah, it all worked.” He straightened up, hearing the words he’d just spoken out loud. “It all worked.”

“Not broken, then.”

Though he breathed deeply through his nose, Edward couldn’t stop the tears that welled in his eyes. He tried not to think of who he could have been. Fresh out of college maybe, and confident in his sexuality. 

Without Jasper, though. 

“Sex isn’t the end all, be all, Edward,” Maggie said, handing him a box of tissues. “You’re right that it’s all but impossible to ignore. I know you have not only Alec but every movie, book, TV show, and commercial screaming at you that sex is this necessity, an amazing thing. It can be, but so can a million other things. What’s important in a relationship is up to the people in that relationship, and in reality, there is no standard. There’s no real norm.”

Maggie tilted her head, fixing him with a soft but knowing look. “How about trust? Do you think that’s important to a relationship?”

“Well, yeah. Of course.”

“So, when Jasper tells you that he’ll work through things with you, do you trust him to tell the truth?”

Edward was quiet at that, parsing the words. They were wrong somehow, but he couldn’t figure out the correct response, the correct defense. He rubbed at his chest, as though he could soothe away the ache in his heart.

“It’s understandable for you not to trust him on some level,” Maggie said. “We’ve talked about this, though not in the context of another relationship. Alec taught you that you couldn’t take your significant other at his word. He told you there was something he could do to make him happy, satisfied with you, but everything he showed you proved he couldn’t be trusted. He told you he cherished you, but he hurt you. Your psyche always knew that wasn’t how you were supposed to treat someone you treasured.”

“But Jasper isn’t Alec. He’s nothing like Alec. I know that.”

“You do, but that voice in the back of your head is noisy. Those are the things you’ll want to work on. First and foremost, give yourself a break about sex. If it turns out you never want anyone to touch you again, you’re still worthy of love and affection. Secondly, work on trusting that your boyfriend knows his own mind. If he says he’s in a good place with your relationship without sex, trust that he means it. No one can guarantee you forever, Edward, but from what you’ve told me, Jasper is good at communicating. Try to relax. I’m hopeful that he can show you relationships are something to be enjoyed.”

~0~

Jasper was in town again, on a second interview. He was late getting back, which Edward hoped was a good sign. He tried to concentrate on his homework—he was taking gen ed courses at the community college—but it wasn’t working. 

It was ridiculous, really. Childish even, but he wanted just one answer. One answer among what felt like millions. 

That, he knew, was an exaggeration. He had some answers. He was in school. He had a job. He had learned to be a good son, brother, and uncle again. For the past eighteen months, he’d begun to learn what it was like not to live in fear every day. He was making noticeable progress.

Realistically, he knew he was doing okay. He was going to be twenty-four in another couple of months. Twenty-four was young. As his father reminded him often, he had his whole life ahead of him. But there was still that voice in the back of his head—Alec’s voice—that whispered horrible things in his ear. He was a failure. Barely a freshman at twenty-four with a failed marriage behind him? Living in his parents’ house with no ability as of yet to move out on his own—not with a penny-ante job. Oh, he supposed he could find a room in someone’s house, but would he even be able to furnish an entire room? If his parents—and Jasper for that matter—hadn’t bought him clothes, would his closet be full?

So, he craved more answers, more solid dates he could rely on. Jasper had said that he was coming to Washington. He wanted to be with him. Maybe Edward had no business being in a relationship, but he wanted to try. Jasper had to be here for that to happen. 

Edward was alone in the house when there was a knock on the door. He shoved his textbook to the side and hurried to the door. Sure enough, there was Jasper. Edward’s breath caught.

“Honey, I’m home,” Jasper said with a cheeky grin.

He’d still been half asleep when Jasper left that morning. He wasn’t prepared for the vision on his doorstep. Jasper was dressed in a sharp, blue suit. His hair, normally down and haphazard, had been tamed into a small, discreet pony tail. The sight of him did strange, wonderful things to Edward’s body.

Jasper cocked his head, staring as he came in. For some reason, Edward's cheeks flushed and his pulse sped. Jasper grinned. It was that wide, devilish grin Edward had only seen a time or two. The one that made his bones feel like jelly. Like maybe he was going to swoon, and if Jasper would catch him, well...that would be nice, wouldn’t it? 

Edward wondered if he’d said it out loud, because the next thing he knew, Jasper had wound an arm around his waist, his hand splayed firm and warm on his back. He was still grinning, and Edward’s brain didn’t seem to be working right. He was supposed to ask a question. Something about the interview. Right?

Instead, he tilted his head up, and when he opened his mouth, it was to welcome Jasper’s kiss. He sighed, wrapping his arms around Jasper’s neck and playing with his little ponytail.

“So,” Jasper said, breaking their kiss. His hands rubbed low on Edward’s back. “You like the suit.”

“Umm.” Edward licked his lips. “I mean, it’s okay…” He’d worked his fingers around the tie that held Jasper’s hair back. Carefully, he slid it off and then combed his fingers through his hair. “Now that… That’s better.”

He knew his grin must have been goofy as hell. He started to get an itch, a niggling moment of self-doubt and self-consciousness, but Jasper took his face in his hands, and the look in his eyes stopped Edward’s negative thoughts in their tracks. 

“God, you’re so fucking beautiful. I love it when you smile like that,” Jasper whispered, his thumbs brushing over Edward’s lips. 

“You make it easy,” Edward said, feeling shy but not so self-conscious. “Hey. How’d the interview go?”

For a moment, Jasper looked confused. Then, he laughed. “See that? My boyfriend is such a treasure, I forgot all about the good news.”

Edward brightened. “It’s good news?”

“The best.” Jasper squeezed his sides. “I got the job.”

“Got it, got it? Like, no more interviews?”

“No more interviews. I start two weeks before your birthday. They’re putting me up in an apartment in Redmond until I find my own place.”

“You’re coming here?” Edward said, quite dumbly because hadn’t that been the plan since Christmas? “You’re coming here for real?” Elation went through him, and Edward jumped into Jasper’s arms without thinking. He squeezed him tightly, his arms thrown around his neck. 

“This is happening, baby.” Jasper held him tightly.

Edward grinned and pulled back to kiss him. He tangled his fingers in his hair, deepening the kiss. 

The air around them changed. Charged. Jasper stumbled backward with Edward in his arms. He sat on the couch, and Edward settled his knees on either side of him. Jasper’s hands brushed along his spine, sending thrills of electricity through him. Jasper cupped his ass, and Edward gasped, breaking their kiss.

For long moments they stared at each other, both panting from their exertions. The look in Jasper’s eyes was careful but also filled with a spark of lust that drove Edward to distraction. He flexed his fingers in Jasper’s hair, wanting to touch and feel and kiss and rut all at once. He didn’t know where to start.

And a tiny voice in his head didn’t know if he should.

Edward pushed the voice down. It wasn’t too difficult—not when Jasper was looking at him like that. Not when he was uprooting his whole life to be in the same place Edward was. Not when his hands were still cupped around his ass.

Holding Jasper’s gaze, Edward slid off his lap onto his knees. 

“Edward.” Jasper sat up straight. He gulped, his Adam’s apple bobbing and his eyes gone dark with desire. Still, his voice was steady. “What are you—”

“Shhh,” Edward said. He ignored the way his fingers trembled as he undid the button of Jasper’s pants.

Jasper groaned. “Oh, fuck. Edward…” He was already breathless though Edward had scarcely touched him. “You don’t… You don’t…”

“I don’t have to do anything I don’t want to do,” Edward said.

He’d been talking with Maggie about this—how to approach sex. How to even begin to try without the specter of Alec’s abuse hanging over them. It wasn’t completely possible; not yet. How could Edward help but compare it to the experience he had?

But with Alec, he’d never done this of his own volition. Always, it had been a way to avert disaster—if he could distract Alec, then he might forget he was angry—or done at his husband’s demand. He’d never done this because he wanted to. 

Edward smiled. “I want to.”

Jasper whimpered when Edward reached into his pants, cupping him over his underwear at first. He was obedient though, spreading his legs to give Edward better access. “Oh, God. Oh, damn,” he muttered under his breath.

“I know I’m not that good,” Edward said, rubbing him through the cloth, marveling at the feel of him getting harder under his hand.

“No, it’s just…” Jasper huffed. HIs face was so flushed. “I have a lot of, um...Oh, hell.” He arched his hips up as Edward pulled his pants down. “I have a lot of fantasies that start out like this.”

Edward’s lip twitched. He took Jasper’s length in his hand. He was thick. A rush of desire went through him; a want he couldn’t remember ever feeling. He had to swallow hard. “You fantasize about me?”

“Always you,” Jasper said with a sigh.

“Like this?” Edward circled the head of Jasper’s cock with his thumb.

“Ahh.” Jasper cupped his cheek. “Yeah. Just… You don’t know. You don’t know what it is to me, that I get to touch you.” He threw his head back a little when Edward cupped his balls with his other hand. “That you’d do this. Baby.”

Because it was a gift, Edward realized. He bent, taking the head of Jasper’s cock in his mouth and swirling his tongue around it before he took him in deeper. This was a gift. Something beautiful they could give each other. Give and take. 

He gave. He brought Jasper pleasure, playing his fingers along his balls and working his way down his shaft. He took. It drove him crazy, listening to the tiny whines and whimpers he elicited from the blond man. Jasper had always seemed so in control, but he wasn’t now. No, he writhed. His hips bucked and he groaned.

“Oh, hell. Baby, I… Ahh. Not going to last so long,” he babbled. “It’s just...It’s you, and...It’s been a...Oh, fuck me. It’s been a long time.”

Edward brought one hand up to rest on Jasper’s belly, under his dress shirt. He tickled the skin there lightly.

“Ah, Christ. What are you doing to me, Edward? What is that mouth? Who the hell knew you had that kind of a mouth on you? I’m going to… Shit, baby, if you don’t pull off, I’m going to come in that pretty mouth of yours.” Jasper tugged at Edward’s ear.

Edward only worked harder. He wanted to hear Jasper scream, wanted to hear his orgasm. He liked this.

Holy hell. He really, really liked this. He was hard; his cock straining against his jeans. He wrapped one fist around the base of Jasper’s cock and pumped.

Jasper’s fist tightened in Edward’s hair. It wasn’t painful. The pressure was good. Edward felt the pulse of Jasper’s cock as he emptied. He hollowed out his cheeks, pressing his tongue flat against his shaft. Shivers went up and down his spine as he heard the strangled cry. 

When he’d finished Alec off, Edward had felt nothing but relief. It was over, and hopefully his husband was sated. Hopefully he was relaxed and not angry.

Hopefully, he wouldn’t want more.

It was different with Jasper. Edward had this odd pull at his center. This hunger. He wanted more.

But when Jasper pulled him to his feet and reached for the bulge between his legs, Edward danced away. “Not…Not yet.” 

Jasper, still breathless, swallowed audibly. He arched his hips, pulling his pants up and running a hand through his disheveled hair. “Okay. Are you okay?”

“Yeah.” Edward gave a small huff of laughter. He knew he was all over the map. “That was hot. I’m good.”

Jasper studied him for a long moment, but he nodded, accepting it. He watched as Edward picked up a can of soda he’d been drinking. He drank, washing down Jasper’s taste. When he was done, Jasper opened his arms. “Cuddle?”

It was such an innocent offer, Edward laughed again. He was still hard, but the charge was leaving the atmosphere, making it easier for him to think. “Yeah.” He let Jasper pull him down onto the couch.

Edward rested his head on Jasper’s shoulder, content and ridiculously pleased with himself. He was lost in thought as he brought his hand up to Jasper’s chest. It occurred to him that the other man’s heart was beating fast. That was odd. He really should have calmed down by now.

“Are you okay?” Edward asked, pressing his palm down so Jasper knew what he meant.

“Uh, yeah.” If anything, his heart beat faster. “It’s just...I was thinking.”

“And thinking makes you nervous?” Edward’s stomach had begun to twist. Nervous wasn’t good. Right?

“Well…” Jasper took Edward’s hand, playing with his fingers as he looked him in the eyes. “I was thinking maybe it would be nice if when I came up here to live, you lived with me.”

Edward sucked in a sharp breath. He stared. There was no way he’d heard what he thought he just heard.

Jasper ducked his head. “I mean, I understand if it’s too quick. I get that. It’s not a big d—”

“You really want me?” Edward blurted. “Like that?”

Jasper’s smile was tender. He twined their fingers together and raised their joined hands to his lips. “I’ve lived without you a long time, Edward. And far away from you, too. I’d really like it if you were closer. But I meant what I said. There’s no pressure. I understand if you want to have a little more, I don’t know, independence.”

“I think I can still be independent and with someone. At least, I think I can have that with you.” He shook his head. “No, that’s not right. I know I can have that with you. I think you’re good for me.”

“So…?”

“Yes. I… Yeah. That would be great.”

Jasper squeezed his hand and bent his head to kiss him soundly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Things starting to look up for our boys, yes?
> 
> Let me hear from ya!


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Penultimate chapter. Just sayin’.

Jasper thought it was a little weird when Bella called him several times at work on his last day to make sure he was staying the whole day. His boss was being passive aggressive about him leaving. As much as he wanted to say, “Fuck you, I’m out,” he couldn’t afford to close doors in his field. 

So, yeah. He was staying the whole day. He’d discussed it with Bella before. 

Finally, he was done with his job in California. Funny how things changed. He’d been thrilled to get that job even part time. A company in his field with room to grow once he got a degree? It had been a great score. But many years and one amazing guy down the line, and Jasper’s life perspective had changed.

Damn. His mother had told him that would happen. 

And speaking of his mother, he could swear he passed her car a little ways down the street. He shook his head hard. He was tired, he guessed. 

Jasper walked in the door of his little apartment and automatically jumped back with a yelp as way too many people yelled, “Surprise!”

It was all his friends. His parents. His siblings. And… “Edward!”

Like Edward had when he surprised him for his birthday almost two years ago, Jasper rushed right to his boyfriend. “What is this all about?” To his credit, he squeezed Edward only briefly before he started distributing hugs more evenly. 

“It’s a ‘Congratulations’ party,” his mother, Maria said. 

“All Edward’s idea,” his father said. “He arranged everything.”

“You’ve met Edward?” Jasper said in surprise. It was an absurd question given that Edward was standing right next to his family for the first time ever. His brain hadn’t caught up yet. For instance, why the hell was everyone dressed up? It was like they were at a ball instead of crammed into his crummy apartment. 

Also, Edward looked good. Like, really good. Holy damn.

Everyone in earshot smirked and chuckled at his gaff. Edward ducked his head. A note of anxiety went down Jasper’s spine, and he looked his boyfriend over, trying to see if he was uncomfortable. As though he’d read his mind, Edward offered a small smile and took his hand. His palm was dry. 

To Jasper’s continued shock, his mother put an arm around Edward’s shoulders. “You didn’t tell us your boyfriend is quite the charmer. So polite.”

Jasper couldn’t help but stare at Edward who looked rather impish and understandably proud. He’d done the meet the parents all by himself and had passed the test with flying colors. The Edward who’d left California never would have been able to pull that off, and they both knew it. 

His father, Santiago, clapped him on the back. “At least now we feel better about you running off across the country for a boy.”

“Dad!” Jasper rubbed the back of his neck. “It’s not across the country; it’s two states away. And I’m not moving because of Edward. I told you—”

“Yes. Yes.” His father patted his shoulder. “Good life choices. Job markets. Cost of living. I’m going to smile and nod and pretend I believe you because this is your party.”

“He’s very attractive,” Maria stage whispered.

Jasper groaned and covered his face with his hands, much to the amusement of all his friends. He could hear Bella chortling. “Good thing you’ll never love me enough to throw me a surprise party,” she said to Edward.

He smiled sweetly. “Your birthday is in September, right?”

“You wouldn’t dare.” She wagged a finger in his face. 

Before he could double down, Edward’s phone rang. Jasper realized he had his phone in his free hand. He glanced at it and smiled, looking over his shoulder. “The limo is here,” he said to everyone else.

“The limo?” Jasper’s eyebrows made for his hairline again. 

Edward grinned again and patted his cheek. “I had your suit pressed. Go change, and I’ll talk to the driver.”

“My suit?”

“The place we’re going is black tie. Dinner and dancing with all your favorite people.” His smile faltered just a little as he looked at Jasper. “That’s okay, right? You like that?”

“Yeah. Yes,” Jasper hurried to assure him, hands at his waist. “It’s amazing. I just can’t for the life of me figure why you would do something like this for me. I can’t believe it.”

Jasper had never been victimized by anyone. Not his parents and certainly not a boyfriend. Nor had anyone gone out of their way to do anything like this for him. 

Edward cocked his head, staring at Jasper a beat before his expression grew tender. “Because you deserve good things. You’ve worked so hard to get where you are, and you deserve recognition.”

“It’s nice to see all Jasper’s gushing wasn’t complete bullshit,” his father said, still teasing. He gestured at Edward with his eyes. “He’s a good catch.”

Both Jasper and Edward turned scarlet. Bella grabbed Jasper’s hand. “Come on. I’ll help you get ready.”

In a record fifteen minutes, Jasper was in his suit with his hair properly mussed. “Like I know what I’m doing,” Bella groused, trying to help him tie his tie. “I was just improvising before you died of embarrassment. That would put a damper on the evening.”

They emerged, and the fourteen guests all piled into the stretch limo. “There’s champagne in here!” Jasper’s little brother, Peter, said, instantly getting into the limo’s mini-bar.

“This is unreal,” Jasper muttered, looking around and wondering if this was really his life.

“But you like it?”

These days, Edward was a lot more confident, but he still needed reassurance now and again. Jasper was more than happy to give it to him. He took Edward’s hands and squeezed. “This is great, babe. Really. What made you think of it?”

“I’ve wanted to go to this place for years.” A dark shadow passed over Edward’s eyes. “It was never...acceptable, you know?”

Jasper’s jaw tightened, but he only nodded, stroking his fingers up and down Edward’s back. 

Edward’s whole expression brightened somewhat. “But then I realized, I’m a grown man, making my own money. I can do whatever I want.” His grin was so pretty, Jasper couldn’t help but kiss him. 

As Edward promised, the restaurant they arrived to was swanky as hell. Jasper had never eaten at a place where people were also dancing. Well, he supposed there was always the Christmas party at work, but that wasn’t the same thing.

Edward was in rare form. The more months went by, the more the ever so slightly arrogant personality Carlisle had once described to Jasper began to come out. It was just a taste, but his confidence grew as he began to realize that people liked him. His classmates, his coworkers—they laughed at his jokes and stopped to socialize. 

And, to Jasper’s chagrin, Edward had begun to realize that the men and women who hit on him meant it. It wasn’t just light teasing; he was attractive. One of Jasper’s biggest challenges in their relationship was suppressing his urge to go caveman. Understandably, it triggered every nervous instinct Edward had when Jasper started to get territorial. He’d asked Edward to trust that he meant what he said when he said he wanted to be with him. Now he had to live by the same rules.

That night, it seemed like it was Jasper who was more on edge. He was paranoid at first. Watching Edward interact with so many people was nerve-wracking. But when he saw how comfortable his boyfriend was, he began to relax. 

As with so many things in life, just as he let his guard down, the other shoe dropped. 

Deep in conversation with a few of his now-former coworkers, Jasper didn’t immediately realize that something was wrong. In fact, it was the look on his mother’s face that alerted him to the fact something was amiss. Her brows were knitted, concentrated not on any of her children, but to Jasper’s left.

Jasper turned and a spike of dread went through him. He’d found himself staring at old Edward. The Edward he’d known shortly after he’d wound up in the hospital covered in blood. His shoulders were hunched inward, his face gone bone-white, and his eyes were wide. 

Following his gaze, Jasper gasped. In the very opposite corner of the large room, leaning across the table with a suave smile as he talked to another man, was Alec Scarpinato. 

Edward had been notified when he was released from prison, of course. Jasper hadn’t even asked if Edward would come help him move because he’d assumed his boyfriend didn’t want to be anywhere near his ex-husband. Best laid plans, and all that.

Jasper grabbed Edward’s hand on his lap. As he did, Edward drew a sharp breath, and it sounded like he swallowed a whimper. “Hey,” Jasper said, bending his head toward Edward and speaking low near his ear. “We can make him leave. You still have that restraining order.”

Edward closed his eyes, and Jasper could feel him trembling. He breathed in and out through his nose. 

“Is everything okay over there?” Maria asked, her worried eyes focused on Edward. 

Jasper gave her a significant glance. He’d told his mother the bare bones of what Edward had been through. Hopefully, it was enough for her to distract anyone else who noticed, Bella notwithstanding. “Everything’s fine,” he said smoothly.

“I’m fine,” Edward said in a breathless whisper, opening his eyes. “It’s fine,” he said to Jasper alone. “He can’t…” He swallowed hard. “He can’t hurt me.”

He didn’t sound as certain as Jasper wanted him to be. He put a hand low on Edward’s back and rubbed his thumb in soothing circles. “We can leave if you want. I won’t be upset.”

Edward squeezed his eyes tightly shut again. “No.” He gave his head a rough shake. “No. He always made fun of me for wanting to come to this place. This is for you and me. He’s not supposed to be here.”

“I know, baby.” Jasper tilted his head to lean his forehead against Edward’s. “But you were right. He can’t do a damn thing to you. If he even looks at you, I swear I’m going to break his face.”

Edward grunted, but he grasped at Jasper’s free hand and held it tightly. “Can you break his nose? I really hate how straight his nose is.”

“For you? Anything.”

Edward relaxed ever so slightly. Enough that he didn’t seem like he was on the verge of hyperventilating, at least. 

“Hey, Jasper,” Peter said from across the table. “I’ve been reading up on Washington, and I saw they had some wicked white-water rafting.”

Jasper darted his eyes between his boyfriend and his brother. Edward had said he wanted to stay. He was painfully withdrawn and pale, but he wasn’t in any distress. In fact, he looked more pissed than scared. 

Clearing his throat, Jasper looked to his brother. “Are you already hinting you want to come crash on our couch?” He rubbed Edward’s knuckles as he spoke, always keeping a connection between them.

Conversation was stilted, though most of the guests didn’t know why. Bella was, like Jasper, distracted, vacillating between sending Edward concerned glances and glaring across the room to make sure Alec wasn’t getting any closer. Jasper’s parents knew something was up, but they couldn't know what. 

The evening had gone from amazing to tense, and Jasper’s blood was boiling beneath the surface. He wished Edward would let him get Alec kicked out of here. For that matter, why hadn’t Bella done it? He’d assaulted her too. Jasper hadn’t ever asked if there was a restraining order against him on her behalf. 

Generally, he just resented that Alec had the nerve to show his face on the same planet as Edward. 

Alec stood up, and Jasper straightened, trailing off mid-stilted-conversation. Was the asshole going to the bathroom? If he came up behind him, surely Jasper could get a punch in without him seeing who’d done it. That was fair. The bastard was a coward who, by the looks of things, was on the prowl for a new victim. If he—

Edward stood up and was halfway across the room before Jasper processed what was happening. He stood too, and hurried after him, the need to protect and to have him as far away from Alec as possible roaring loudly in his ears. 

But Edward didn’t go after Alec. Instead, he went to Alec’s table and sat across from his date. “Hi,” he said.

The date—a kid who looked younger than Edward but hopefully not a teenager—sat up straight blinking. “What the hell?”

“Look,” Edward said in a rush. “My name is Edward Cullen, and I was married to that asshole you’re with.”

Wow. Straight to the point. Suddenly, Jasper knew exactly what Edward was doing. He was trying to save this poor kid.

The kid was glaring at him. “Edward. I know who you are. You’re the dramatic asshole that got Alec thrown in jail.”

Edward swayed in place, but he swallowed and carried on before Jasper could say a word. “I know what he must have told you. He’s charming. He’s good at it.” 

Just as quickly as he’d sat down, Edward leapt to his feet.

“Babe?” Jasper asked, confused as his boyfriend shouldered out of his jacket and shoved it in his arms. But Edward ignored him, already pulling his shirt out of his pants. 

“Are you crazy? What the hell are you doing?” the kid demanded, looking around for help.

Edward ignored both of them and lifted his shirt, showing the thin scars on his side. “A belt buckle. Alec’s.” He put his right hand forward, palm out, showing the thick scar there. “He pushed me in the kitchen. I was holding a glass.”

“You’re lying,” the boy said, but he sounded shaken.

Edward bent and parted his hair so the scar there was visible. “This was the one he went to jail for.” He swallowed hard. “He chased me up and down the hallway in our house. He beat me with a guitar. My guitar.” He straightened up, eyes darting around nervously. Jasper saw that one of the waiters was talking with a man who had to be the manager, gesticulating wildly. Edward reached around and pressed a spot on his back. “If I wasn’t five seconds away from getting arrested, I’d show you the bite mark. He bit me after he raped me. To prove I was his.”

And that. That was huge. Edward had never said those words out loud to Jasper’s knowledge. The idea that it was possible to be raped by his husband was one Edward had struggled to accept.

“All you’d find on his back is a love nip he had to make up a story for because otherwise he’d have to admit he was cheating on me.”

Edward went ramrod straight, and Jasper’s fist curled at his side. Sure enough, Alec had strode up behind them and was glaring at Edward. “Are you adding stalking to the list now?” Alec said. “You’re supposed to be in Washington.”

Jasper stepped into the space between Alec and Edward, fury ringing loud in his ears. “You don’t get to talk to him,” he growled through gritted teeth.

And then Bella was there, one hand on Jasper’s shoulder. Alec paled a bit at the sight of her, and that was vindicating to see. He took a step back. Alec scoffed. “Well, look at that, the gang’s all here.” He looked to his date. “What did I tell you? He has a gang of bullies, and he still wants to bother me.” His eyes focused on the back of Edward’s head—he still hadn’t turned around. 

Jasper reached back and took Edward’s hand, clasping his fingers tightly. Edward took a shaky but steadying breath. When he spoke to the boy who’d taken his place, his voice was clear. “Trust me. He’s not worth another second of your time.”

“You—” Alec began to snarl, but the manager appeared behind him.

“Is there a problem here, Officer Swan?”

“Not at all,” Bella said, her eyes not leaving Alec. “I think these gentlemen—and I use the word loosely in some cases—were leaving. I’ll be happy to pay for their meal if you’ll just box it up for them.”

Alec’s features twisted into something ugly. “I don’t need anything from you, Officer.” He snapped his fingers at the boy, still glaring at Bella. “Let’s go, Demetri.”

The boy, Demetri, jolted in place, but he didn’t move initially. Alec looked furious, but he took a deep breath and then smiled beatifically. “Come on, sweetheart. We’ll go somewhere quiet, instead. Just you and me.”

Demetri looked hesitant, his eyes darting between all of them, but he finally moved. He stood, and let Alec reach through the throng of people to take his hand. 

“Hey, kid,” Bella said, her voice gentle as she looked at him. “If you ever need anything, I’m at the precinct on Tustin. Bella Swan. Beautiful Swan, because my parents thought they were hilarious. You got help, no questions asked.”

“I—” Demetri started to say.

“You don’t have to talk to her, babe. It’s okay. Come on, now,” Alec cooed.

“This is so fucked up,” Demetri muttered under his breath, but he let Alec tuck him under his arm and lead him away. 

As soon as they were out of sight, Edward let out a huge breath and crumpled inward slightly. Jasper was at his side, arm around his shoulders. “Baby, are you okay?”

Edward laughed, the sound bitter. “Oh, sure. I’m fine.”

Jasper turned him around and was relieved when Edward melted against him. He shuddered, and Jasper ran his fingers through his hair, shushing him gently. “You want to come back to the table?” he asked near his ear. “We can leave—”

“No.” Edward straightened up. “I mean… Yes, I want to go back to the table.” He squared his shoulders. “This night was about you. This night is mine. He doesn’t get to win tonight.”

So, hand in hand, with Bella walking beside them, they returned to the table. Jasper’s friends and family were a good sort. They looked concerned and very confused, but they took the cues Jasper laid out for them. They didn’t ask. 

The conversation was stilted at first. Jasper kept his arm around Edward. His boyfriend was quiet, but he didn’t shake. He picked at his food, but he ate. It was more than enough for Jasper to have him at his side, still whole and still his, despite facing down his demon.

He was just so proud. He was so proud of this brave, strong man.

When dinner and dessert was done, Edward finally unplastered himself from Jasper’s side. He stood and offered him a hand. “Do you want to dance?” he asked shyly.

“Really?” Jasper asked, his eyes wide.

“If you want to.”

Jasper grinned. “Yeah, babe.” He stood, taking Edward’s hand. “Yeah, that would be amazing.”

He swayed on the dance floor, with the man he loved in his arms. Edward’s smile was so sweet, and his body so graceful. And Jasper felt like the luckiest man alive.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: It’s been a hell of a night for me, my friends. Sorry, or I would have posted this earlier. But let’s see what our boys are up to.

Edward’s job, working at Target for the Christmas season, was going on almost a year and a half now. It had its moments. Sometimes, the customers sucked. Sometimes, his boss sucked. Some days, he was run so ragged he got home and just collapsed on the bed—where his boyfriend was waiting with a nice back massage, so that wasn’t too bad. 

Most of the time, though, Edward enjoyed his job. Maybe it wasn’t much money, but it was enough to ensure he wasn’t dependent on anyone for the things he wanted and needed. He worked hard, did well in school, and lived peacefully for the most part.

“Hey, Edward.” 

Edward looked over as he stowed his things to see his co-worker Mike headed toward him with his signature wide smile. “Hey, what’s up?”

“I’ve been waiting for you to come in all day.”

Edward nodded his head at the paper stuck to the corkboard. “The schedule’s right there, man,” he teased his friend. “You knew when I was coming in.”

“Yeah, yeah. Hey, listen. Are you free Friday night in three weeks?”

“Uh, I’m not working if that’s what you mean.” Did Mike want to switch shifts? Jasper liked to go out on some Fridays, but it might be worth it to have Mike owe him a favor. 

“I know you’re not working.” Mike tapped on the schedule. “I actually can read this.” He took his phone from his pocket and shoved it into Edward’s hands. “Look.”

Edward looked and his face lit up. “IAMX is coming here?” 

He and Mike had bonded over their similar taste in music including the band IAMX. They didn’t tour very often. The last time they’d been in California, Edward had begged Alec to take him, but his now ex-husband had told him he had horrible taste in music. 

“You have to come with me,” Mike said. “No one else even knows who they are.”

Edward’s eyes went wide as he processed what Mike was asking. “Me?”

“Yeah. My treat, man.” Mike took back his phone and shook it. “I already have the tickets. Let’s do this.”

~0~

It had been a long day at school followed by a hard day at work. Still, Edward was in good spirits as he entered the apartment complex where he lived with Jasper.  
It still felt strange sometimes. For so many years, Edward’s home was the only thing he could claim. It was where he was supposed to be—waiting at home for his husband to return, with everything neat, dinner on the table, or at least being prepared, if he knew what was good for him.

One of the first challenges Edward and Jasper faced when they started living together was Jasper’s definition of what an acceptably clean home was. A home, Jasper said, was to be lived in and enjoyed. The disorganization and clutter was a source of no small amount of anxiety for Edward. They were both working on it.

But stranger still were the days like today when Edward was the one who walked in the door, tired from a day’s work, to find his boyfriend in the kitchen. Their apartment smelled amazing, and Edward was instantly ravenous.

Edward went into the kitchen and wrapped his arms around Jasper’s waist, resting his chin on his shoulder. 

“Hey, honey. You’re home,” Jasper said, turning his head to catch a quick kiss. 

“Whatever that is smells amazing.” Edward reached over to take the lid off a pot.

Jasper smacked his hand playfully. “It’s not done yet.”

“But I’m hungry now.”

“You’re just going to have to be patient.”

“Hmm.” Edward tightened his hold around Jasper’s waist. “Maybe some pre-dinner snacking then.” He latched his mouth to Jasper’s neck and nipped.

Jasper laughed turning to catch Edward’s mouth with his own. 

“Mm.” Edward hummed, sighing as he leaned into the kiss. “You know how to distract me.”

“Yes.” Jasper ran his hands up and down Edward’s back, kissing him again. “Now, can I finish this so I can feed you?”

“I suppose.” Edward took one last kiss before he retreated to the small table tucked into the corner of the kitchen. “How was work?”

“It was...work. Nothing good. Nothing bad. Stuff got accomplished, other stuff got added to the pile.”

“Sounds like fun.”

“Oh, yeah. Such a blast.” Jasper was focused on his pots and pans, stirring and adding spices. “How was your day? Anything exciting?”

“Yeah, actually.” Edward straightened up, remembering. “Mike got tickets to see IAMX and he wants me to go with him.”

“Which one’s Mike?” Jasper asked, his eyes on the pan in front of him. “He’s the one who flirted with you, right?”

A chill went down Edward’s spine. When Mike started working there, it took Edward forever to recognize his attention as flirtatious. Once he figured out what was going on, he’d let slip that he had a boyfriend and that was that. They’d gotten along just fine as friends and coworkers. 

Suddenly freezing, Edward rubbed his shoulders, trying to shake off the cold that crept along his skin. “I, uh… I didn’t think about that.”

“Think about what?” Jasper asked.

“That he’s the one… He, um…” His thoughts had gone blurry around the edges, and he couldn't string his words together. “I...Don’t worry. I’ll tell him no. I’m sorry. I just forgot about that.”

Jasper turned, a weird look on his face. He turned off the burners on the stove. “Why would you tell him no? Isn’t IAMX that band you go crazy about?”

Edward rubbed the back of his neck. “Yeah, but…” Jasper took a step toward him and Edward was up out of his seat before he could think about it, his hands out in a placating motion. “I won’t go. It was stupid of me to say yes to him. I wasn’t thinking. I’m sorry.”

Jasper had frozen mid-step, his eyebrows furrowed in concern. “Edward...do you think I’m upset about this for some reason?”

“I...I mean, I would understand if you were.” Edward shook his head, clenching and unclenching his hands in fists at his side. “It’s...at the very least, it’s rude. I know Mike is attracted to me. I have no business going anywhere with him.” He double-checked the logic in his head. That made sense. It was the wrong thing to do. It wasn’t good boyfriend behavior.

“You like him.”

“What?” Edward’s head snapped up, his eyes gone wide. “N-no. How could you— No.”

“Whoa. Baby, hey.”Jasper reached out and took his hands. Edward hadn’t realized he’d been wringing them until that moment. “I meant you like him as a friend. You talk about him a lot.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Will you look at me, please?” Jasper asked, his voice soft. When Edward raised his head, he smiled reassuringly. “It’s not a problem. You need friends and a life outside of me. I want that for you.”

Edward gave his head a sharp shake, trying to throw off the cobwebs. “Of course I can have friends. But it’s a bad idea to have friends that are a potential threat. That’s relationship 101.”

To his surprise, Jasper snorted. “Baby, Mike the Coworker isn’t a threat. Not to me.” He reached forward slowly and cupped Edward’s cheek with the gentlest touch. “See, I can’t exactly blame the guy for flirting with you.”

“You can’t?”

Jasper shook his head, a smile playing at his lips. “That makes perfect sense. You know why?”

“Why?”

“Because you’re smoking hot.”

Edward laughed. It was a small, shaky sound. He looked down, but Jasper kept a hand to his cheek, stroking his skin. “You told me about Mike the day it happened,” Jasper said. “Remember? Or at least the day you figured it out.”

“Yeah, of course.”

“And you said he backed off immediately.”

“He did.” Edward searched Jasper’s eyes, trying to read if his boyfriend believed him. He did, of course. He always did, but it didn’t stop Edward from looking anyway. 

Jasper nodded. “So why would I worry? I trust you. He’s been respectful. There’s not a reason in the world you can’t be friends.” He ran his fingers through Edward’s hair, and Edward closed his eyes, enjoying the soothing sensations of his tender touch.

After a few more seconds, Edward took a deep breath and raised his head. The cobwebs were gone. He winced. “Shit,” he said under his breath, turning away from Jasper and walking the few steps back to the table. He threw himself down in the chair, running his hands over his face. 

Fucking anxiety attacks. They came on quietly like that sometimes. His paranoia spiked, triggered by situations like this. He’d lived so long never knowing what would set Alec off from one day to the next, but some things… some things were unthinkable. Like talking to a gay coworker, let alone agreeing to go somewhere with him alone. A concert. Alec would have said a concert was an automatic date. Something woven deep in his psyche knew that even thinking he could have that—a friend—would have brought him endless amounts of pain once upon a time.

But not now.

Jasper’s soft step came closer. He didn’t say anything. He just dropped into the chair next to him and took his hands. He held them and stayed quiet.

Now that the haze had dissipated, Edward’s head was loud. They both waited while he sorted himself out. Jasper wasn’t angry. Maybe he could have been, maybe he even should have been, but he wasn’t. He was so patient. Edward took so much patience. So much work. He didn’t understand why Jasper, an otherwise normal person, would want to put in that much work. He had to be exasperated. Edward wasn’t worth this. He was too much of a freak. Still too broken.

But Jasper was there. Maybe it didn’t make sense, but Edward could feel his hands, warm and firm, around his. He could hear his calm, even breaths. Better or worse, Jasper loved him. He wasn’t going anywhere. 

Calm now, Edward scooted closer to Jasper. He tilted his head so their foreheads touched and sighed when Jasper raised a hand to scratch the hairs at his nape. “You’re going to get sick of me one day,” he murmured. He didn’t really mean it. It was the remnant of the torrent of anxiety; just one of the voices in his head that had to have one last say before it rested.

Jasper snorted anyway. “What kind of fool do you take me for, hmm? You think I could do any better than you?”

Edward raised his head with a sardonic expression. “Not in the mood to be placated,” he warned.

“I’m not placating you.” Jasper was massaging Edward’s hands now, working his fingers along the bone. “We already talked about how hot you are. This is why I could never take you to Hollywood. Do you realize how quickly you’d get snatched up just walking down the street? They’d make you a big star, and you’d figure out quick how you could do so much better than me.”

Edward snorted and rolled his eyes. “You’re so full of shit.”

“No. I’m not. You’re ridiculously hot, babe. I have eyes, that’s all.” Jasper’s fingers had worked their way up to his wrist now. “And you’re smart. You see how well you do in school? Do you know how much it pisses me off that you don’t even have to try? You know, most people look at the Gen. Ed. crap they need and take the easiest classes possible. You? Hell, no. You go for the obscure crap that would take us mere mortals thirty-hours of study a week to even begin to pass. You do it for fun.”

Edward shrugged. “I don’t know what I’m into yet.” He frowned. “I need to decide.”

“You still have time, and that’s not the point. The point is, you’re getting A’s in all those classes with your eyes closed.”

“It’s...just school.” Edward ducked his head, but he was beginning to smile. 

“Says my genius boyfriend.” Jasper took hold of his shoulders, massaging him there and looking him in the eyes. “And you’re brave, babe.”

“Ha.” Edward never felt brave. He felt different levels of scared. Sometimes he felt just fine. Never brave.

“You are. I wish you could see that. But if you can’t see it for yourself, you can’t deny what you did for that kid was brave.”

Edward huffed, but he knew what Jasper was talking about. A couple of months after Jasper moved to Washington, Bella had called them to let them know Demetri had walked into her station. He was black and blue at Alec’s hands. He pressed charges, and Alec ended up back in jail.

Demetri had never forgotten what Edward had said that night, and so he’d never fully trusted Alec. So, after he hit him that first time, Demetri hadn’t believed his lies and excuses. He’d gone to Bella as soon as he’d defused the situation with Alec long enough to get away. 

“You saved me,” Demetri had said. “And it couldn’t have been easy.”

Jasper took his face in his hands. His smile was tender, his voice soft. “You’re so good, Edward. And I love you.”

Looking in his eyes, Edward couldn’t doubt it even if he tried. So, he didn’t. Instead, he cupped his hand behind Jasper’s neck and pulled him in for a kiss. 

It was a hungry kiss. Jasper’s words had chased away the awful cold anxiety always left in him. He was heated, his blood charged, and his heart pounding. He was so in love with this man, but he didn’t have pretty words like Jasper had. He was better with music. 

He was also better with showing how he felt.

Edward rested his hand on Jasper’s knee, deepening their kiss. He stroked his tongue along Jasper’s, letting his fingers play along his inner thigh.

Jasper groaned into his mouth. “Ah, hell. Edward,” he panted. “I thought… I thought you were hungry.”

“Dinner can wait.”

That was all Jasper needed to hear. He returned the kisses in kind, running his fingertips along Edward’s spine. Edward shivered, his nimble fingers making short work of the buttons of Jasper’s shirt. 

Sex was so different when it was a conversation between two people, an expression of what they shared. Not a duty. Not a chore or a punishment. 

It was fun. Like when they were lazing around, relaxing on a Saturday, sprawled over their bed, and their feet brushed. That always led to retaliation—playful wrestling, grasping hands and tickling fingers until one of them pinned the other under him, silencing their taunts with a kiss. 

It was so tender, Edward thought his heart would break; it was too full to keep beating. Like when they just stared into each other’s eyes, like they were reading each other, memorizing every line, every beautiful detail. When wondering caresses became soft, insistent touches. When they moved together like they were playing the most achingly beautiful piece of music. Sex could be poetry and song.

And it could be this—fire and passion. When his hands fluttered, wanting to touch and tug and grab all at once. When Jasper getting to his feet and hauling Edward along with him sent delicious chills down his spine.

Sex could be like this—stumbling out of the kitchen as they tugged at each other’s clothes, leaving a trail and almost tripping in their haste, in their need. It was the reason they kept a small bottle of lube tucked discreetly between the couch cushions—hey, sex was still fairly new to their relationship.

Jasper fell backward onto the couch so suddenly, he let out a huff of air. Edward didn’t let him catch his breath before he straddled him, raining kisses down on his face while he rutted over his cock.

“Edward,” Jasper said around a groan. He licked his kiss-swollen lips, looking him in the eyes. “You want me?”

It was a valid question. Edward knew he need only give the word, and Jasper would gladly bottom for him. It was still incredible to Edward. That he could have Jasper on his knees begging, literally begging, “Please, please. Oh, hell, Edward. I need you. I need you right now.” Just totally undone for him.

“I want you,” Edward said. “Now. Please.” And even though he’d asked, it was Edward who took Jasper’s cock in his hand, stroking and stroking as he lubed him up. Then, it was Edward who raised himself up and let Jasper guide his cock inside him. 

Edward grunted, throwing his head back at the stretch and ache as he took Jasper deep inside him. “You okay, baby?” Jasper asked, breathless. He pressed kisses along Edward’s throat. 

“Yeah,” Edward said, moving his hips, finding a quick rhythm.

Jasper’s hands cupped his ass as he moved. “You like this, don’t you. You love riding my cock.”

That was another delightful discovery. Edward tended to be monosyllabic during sex. Jasper, on the other hand, never shut up, and Edward loved it.

“You like that? Huh? Fuck, you feel so good.” Jasper drew his fingers down Edward’s chest and took his cock in his hand, pumping it in time with their motions. “You know how beautiful you are?”

He felt beautiful. Loved. Wanted. 

Happy.

Some minutes later, Edward lay kind of crumpled against Jasper as they both caught their breaths. He was in no rush to move despite being sticky and slip-slidy with sweat. He was content where he was, feeling Jasper’s hot breath on the top of his head and feeling his heartbeat slow.

“I love you,” Edward whispered. 

Jasper cupped his face, and Edward looked up. His breath caught. The look on Jasper’s face then was so unfathomable—warm and affectionate and full of more love than Edward knew existed. His heart filled with it, expanding so it seemed to fill his chest. Jasper ran the back of a single knuckle along his cheek, watching the motion for a few heartbeats before he looked back up to Edward’s eyes. 

“I really want to marry you some day,” Jasper said.

Edward froze. His body stiffened, and he swore his heart skipped a beat.

“I’m not asking.” Jasper stroked his back, holding his gaze. “I just want you to know. When I think about the future, one of the things I want to be is your husband. When you’re ready. If you wanted.”

Edward blinked, staring at him, trying to figure out what to think. It was a daunting prospect for more reasons than one. There was his first marriage to consider, and Edward didn’t know what to feel about that. He knew, though, that like sex, being married to Jasper would be a whole other ball game. 

And he wanted it. He wanted it so much in that moment, he was dizzy with it. He wanted a wedding his family could attend. He wanted Jasper in a suit, his eyes shining as they took their vows. He wanted matching platinum bands and…

Well, everything. Houses, and babies, and growing old together.

It was still so scary to want, to have something it would kill him to lose.

Edward swallowed hard and pressed a shaky kiss to Jasper’s lips. He took a deep breath, closed his eyes, and made a promise to himself.

When Jasper did ask, he would be ready to leap.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So many thanks to Packy, MoH, Eleanor, Betsy, Mina, and JessyPT for all their help, love, and support.
> 
> Same goes to you out there. I know I don’t review reply very often, but I want you to know that your investment and your kind words are often the difference between a good day and a bad one. Thank you for sharing your personal stories. Thanks for everything. 
> 
> Catch you on the next ride.


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